Sunscreen Kindness

Steve Phan is an interpreter in the Washington DC area.  You would think that since I also fit that description, he and I would run into each other from time to time.  Alas, we do not, but I enjoy his antics via Facebook very much.  You see, not only is he an interpreter, he is also, as he so aptly tags himself, the #1PageantPhan.  He loves, no, he adores pageants.  He judges them.  He is friends with lots of beauty queens.  He watches and re-watches the national pageants (he buys the DVDs!).  Do you know the people you see in the background of some shots during the Miss America Pageant, the folks seated (or standing and jumping) in the audience waving flags for their favorite beauty queens?  That’s STEVE.  Be sure to tune in to Miss America September 9^th, you might catch him in Atlantic City waving a big Maryland flag and grinning from ear to ear.

Here's Steve!  Look for him in the audience of the Miss America Pageant.

Not only is he a Pageant Phan, he is also a super kind person.  For example, he sends his friends greeting cards all the time.  Oh, and Steve doesn’t send the .99 cent Trader Joe’s cards either!  This guy shops for his stationary goods at Papyrus!  (If you haven’t been in a Papyrus, let me just say, they are not for those of us on a budget.)

But the kindness Steve is being recognized for here is not for being nice to pageant contestants.  Nor is it for keeping the US Postal Service in business with mailing cards.  No, it is for sunscreen.  Meet Steve, the Sunscreen Kindness Activist.

Steve is a timeshare owner and recently visited Palm Desert, California for five days. He is a frequent flyer so knows the TSA rules, but tried to buck the system by packing three 5 oz bottles of sunscreen in his carry-on bag. He told me, “I know the restriction is for 3-oz containers, but I was hoping they would let me take 5-oz containers with me. After all, what’s a couple of ounces?”.  Yeah, right Steve.  Of course, the TSA confiscated all of his sunscreen at the airport, forcing him to pop into the Target in Palm Springs to pick up a pack of two 8 oz sunscreens that were on sale.

Steve (I am guessing slathered in sunscreen) at Joshua Tree National Park

The building next to his timeshare was undergoing renovations and Steve watched the construction crew work day in and day out in the above 90-degree temperatures all week.  He used some sunscreen but realized near the end of his stay that he had a whole unopened bottle left.  Having learned his lesson with the TSA, he knew he couldn’t bring the bottle back home with him.  So that’s when he decided to give it to one of construction workers!

He told me, “I saw a construction worker get in his truck. I grabbed the unused bottle of sunscreen and approached his vehicle. He rolled down his window, and I explained that as a timeshare owner, I appreciated the work he and his colleagues did. I said I was leaving the next day, had an extra bottle of sunscreen, and wanted to give it to him.

The worker was shocked and said, ‘For me?’

I said, ‘Yes!’

He then asked, ‘For free?’.  I think he couldn't believe I was not selling it to him.

I responded, ‘Yes, thank you for all the work you do,’ as I gestured towards the building being renovated.

He grinned from ear to ear, accepted my gift, and said he would use it the next day.”

Isn’t that great?  I can just picture the construction worker, staring at Steve holding out the bottle of sunscreen with a big smile on his face.  What a surprise that must have been!  Steve said that he was really glad the sunscreen wouldn’t go to waste, and that the recipient would use it immediately. 

“I have been the recipient of so many kind acts by others that I wanted to pay it forward. I believe there is so much unhappiness in the world that if I can help someone smile with a small act of kindness, then perhaps I can do my part to make the world a better place.”  I totally agree with you there, friend.  Seemingly small acts, like sharing sunscreen, can mean so much to the recipient!

Here's Steve on vacation TAKING A WEBINAR for work. 
Steeeeve - vacation is for resting!

Remember how I mentioned Steve sending cards to his friends?  It turns out that he, like most other Kindness Activists I have interviewed, learned that from his parent.  “My mother, who has since passed away, taught me to do kind things for others. One of my fondest memories of her is watching her pick out the perfect card for a friend. She would take her time pouring through various cards at the store to find the one with just the right sentiment. She often mailed cards to friends just because she was thinking of them. I follow her example, and my work locker is chock full of cards and stationery which I use to write my friends just because.  A few weeks ago, I was missing my mother as Mother's Day was approaching. I decided to mail Mother's Day cards to the many influential women in my life in honor of my mother. It brought me great joy when they e-mailed, texted, and posted on social media about receiving my card.”

I bet your kind gesture made those friends’ Mother’s Days even more special this year.  And what a sweet way to honor your own mom. 

And it turns out that not only does he DO kind things, he JOURNALS about it.  “For my birthday last November, I had asked my husband to give me a copy of a kindness journal I had seen in a museum gift shop. I have been using the journal's prompts to regularly reflect on showing kindness to others and the kind acts others do for me.”  I love that journal!  And I totally agree that taking time to reflect on kindness serves to bring even more kindness into your life.  That’s one of the reasons I started this Kindness Activist project!

Steve's journal - isn't it great??

As he often does online, Steve closed his communication to me with something pageant related.  “One of my favorite quotes is from Miss Canada 1995, Lana Buchberger, who said, ‘Never stop experiencing life. From experience, you learn to grow. By growing, you learn to give. And by giving, you let others experience life.’ “

Thanks for being a shining example of kindness Steve.  You made that construction worker’s day a lot brighter with your gift, and being willing to share your story here reminds us all that sometimes we don’t even need to go very far out of our way to be kind to someone – if we just keep our eyes and hearts open opportunities for kindness are all around.

Cooking (and Cultural) Kindness

Have you ever thought of kindness as cultural?  A Kindness Activist I recently met (online) eloquently explained her take on kindness, and after seeing what she had to say, I have been thinking a lot about it!  But I am getting ahead of myself!  First, meet Avanie:

The newest person to be named a Kindness Activist - Avanie!

And now, meet Joanna: 

The lovely Joanna

Joanna is my Facebook friend, a fellow interpreter who used to live in DC but moved to Seattle years ago.  We keep in touch on FB, and a couple of months ago I saw her post this:  “There are some amazing people who live in my community. I responded to a neighborhood message that Avanie posted on Facebook several months ago. Her goal is to spread kindness and knowledge about her culture through teaching cooking classes...at no cost. She invited 10 (or so) strangers into her home and taught us how to make an Indian comfort food dish. I left happy and wondering how I can pay it forward. Oh, and this was her 6th cooking class!”

A photo from the free cooking class Joanna attended - doesn't it look delicious?

Suffice it to say, the post and the photos piqued my interest!  A neighbor offering free cooking classes to complete strangers definitely fit the title of KINDNESS ACTIVIST!  So, I contacted the teacher, Avanie, and was honestly overwhelmed by her lovely and generous spirit.  The first thing I thought when I read her answers to my questions was, “Wow, I really wish she was my neighbor!!”  But the more I took in what she told me, the more I realized, I had it wrong.  Instead of wanting her to be my neighbor, I wanted to be more like her to MY NEIGHBORS.  

Here are some of the insightful things she told me:

Avanie moved to America in 2008.  She is married to a non-Indian, white American and they have a 4 year old daughter.  As someone who grew up in another culture, I think Avanie can look at America with “fresh eyes”, something we need, to give us all a fresh perspective.  One thing she noticed is this, “I feel our country suffers from a similarity bias.  We don’t want to hear perspectives of people that think any differently than we do.  We cannot achieve anything by siloed thinking.  I want to find common ground, bring people together, to discuss how to positively bridge divides.”  Inspired by one of her daughter’s books, “Same, Same, But Different”, she starting thinking of things that people across all cultures and political persuasions might enjoy.  Common grounds she came up with were; food, music, and art.  She is not artistic, but did learn to cook at age 24 and enjoys it, so she went with FOOD! 

Avanie posted in her neighborhood Facebook group, offering to open her home to teach 10 – 15 people some Indian dishes.  Her first class was April 2017, and she has done at least 6 more since then (plus one bigger class at a different facility).  Around 100 neighbors have taken her cooking classes, and many, many more are on an ever-growing wait list to attend!!  She tries to offer a class every month.  “My cooking classes are focused on Indian food, mostly because I am Indian so I can cook Indian food from memory so it is easier.  I am thinking of expanding these to guest cooks for other cultures to be showcased.”

And lest you think Avanie lives a simple life with loads of free time available to do things like teach strangers to cook, she is busy!  She works, travels, and of course has her own family to tend to as well.  “There will never be enough time or money.  You have to carve it out.  You have to prioritize it.”  She likes the idea that some of the neighbors who have taken her classes are considering starting teaching their own sessions.  That doesn’t surprise me, because I haven’t even been lucky enough to take one of Avanie’s classes but even from across the country I can tell how inspirational she is!

What a beautiful, happy family

When I asked her what the goal is for her classes, the explanation was perfect: “My goal is for neighbors to know each other.  I will think it is successful if I can walk around (my community) and know most of the people.  I want to bump into neighbors at coffee shops and grocery stores.  I believe when you know someone on a personal level your biases and stereotypes about them are busted.  I grew up Hindu in India, but I went to a Catholic school and my close friends were all different religions.  Speaking and writing in four languages fluently was normal.  I believe the next generation that can fluidly transition across a global culture will be successful.  I can offer my multi-racial kid that through culture, language, and travel, but I want to give that to the entire community she is growing up in.  I want to fight the current hate filled political world with kindness.”

Isn’t that the most eloquent explanation of COMMUNITY you have ever heard?  And the brilliance to think beyond her home, beyond her family, into the entire neighborhood, is beautiful.  Because teaching diversity, kindness, and culture in your own home only goes so far. But if the messages of kindness can spread throughout the town, then perhaps our world can begin to change.

“Teaching the classes makes me feel hopeful,” Avanie told me.  “Hopeful that people can embrace diversity regardless of ethnicity.  Did you know in Seattle segregation laws by neighborhood associations which prevented people of color from buying homes were not even illegal until 2005?  People have mistaken me for the gardener and are shocked that I helped pay for half of our home LOL.  It is very uncomfortable living in Seattle as a brown person, but I refuse to self-segregate.  I know it is also uncomfortable for white people when they feel guilt.  I am going to stand my ground and hopefully be an example to people – white, brown, and all other shades – to realize that being uncomfortable is ok.  We need to seek it out.  It is the first step to normalizing our future global world.  We need to stop being so politically correct that we ask no questions in fear of retribution.”

Kindness Activist, cooking teacher, and all-around lovely human being in action!

As with almost every Kindness Activist I have interviewed, Avanie’s kindness is not limited to the action she is being recognized for here.  She hosted a baby shower for neighbors, learned to make Chinese dumplings so that a friend with a new baby did not have to miss out on the treat during Chinese New Year, made food for her dog walker recovering from surgery, surprised a crying neighbor with a pot of chai, and funded her sister’s applications to doctorate programs so that she could become a doctor and work to cure Parkinson’s Disease (which their mom suffers from).  When speaking of these kind acts (and many others), Avanie’s basic philosophy of life came through, “…personally, I would say I do what is right.  Others have told me when I have done things that it is unusually kind, but to me, there is no other way.  I don’t have a “kindness checklist” in my head.  Why kindness isn’t the norm, I have no clue.”

She continued, “I wonder sometimes why the USA is so formal.  I am married to an American, but this cultural difference eludes me.  Why is kindness a “checklist”?  That is so weird to me, why it wouldn’t be impulsive?  I typically force kindness, from what I have gathered, onto my recipients by just saying, “I’m doing it” instead of asking if I can (unless I have never met them).  I wish it would be ok to ask for help.  I ask my neighbors to water my plants or pick up my packages when we travel, and they always do.  My oldest neighbors tell me they are glad we bought this home 2 years ago.  I find it amusing and rewarding.”

Avanie, I bet ALL of your neighbors are glad you bought your home!  You obviously bring much kindness, love, and happiness to your community.  Your story has inspired me to strive to be a better neighbor and try harder to build a more cohesive and understanding community.

“Giving and receiving kindness are both equally important to building a community.  The giver gets a lot more out of it than people realize.  Givers feel accomplished and happy,” she said.  So true.  That perspective reminds me of the funny song in the Broadway show “Avenue Q”, where the characters (puppets) sing, “When you help others, you can’t help helping yourself!”. 

As if she hadn’t already inspired and taught us all enough, Avanie summed things up with, “As humans, the key to happiness is gratitude, and making a difference to someone else’s life.  It need not be more complicated.  Kindness = Happiness.  If you want to be happy, do something for someone else.”

THANK YOU for your inspiration and your kindness, Avanie.  You are indeed a Kindness Activist. 

Bonus photo of more of the tasty food from the cooking class!

P.S. – I must close things out with a hilarious quote from our interview.  I was telling Avanie about my visit to India and the amazing people I met there and things we saw, and she told me (of her kindness), “In India what I do would be normal so maybe it’s less crazy.”  😊