Have you ever thought of kindness as cultural? A Kindness Activist I recently met (online)
eloquently explained her take on kindness, and after seeing what she had to say, I have been thinking a lot about it! But I am getting
ahead of myself! First, meet Avanie:
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| The newest person to be named a Kindness Activist - Avanie! |
And now, meet Joanna:
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| The lovely Joanna |
Joanna is my
Facebook friend, a fellow interpreter who used to live in DC but moved to
Seattle years ago. We keep in touch on
FB, and a couple of months ago I saw her post this: “There
are some amazing people who live in my community. I responded to a neighborhood
message that Avanie posted on Facebook several months ago. Her goal is to spread
kindness and knowledge about her culture through teaching cooking classes...at
no cost. She invited 10 (or so) strangers into her home and taught us how to
make an Indian comfort food dish. I left happy and wondering how I can pay it
forward. Oh, and this was her 6th cooking class!”
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| A photo from the free cooking class Joanna attended - doesn't it look delicious? |
Suffice it to say, the post and the photos piqued my interest! A neighbor offering free cooking classes to
complete strangers definitely fit the title of KINDNESS ACTIVIST! So, I contacted the teacher, Avanie, and was
honestly overwhelmed by her lovely and generous spirit. The first thing I thought when I read her
answers to my questions was, “Wow, I really wish she was my neighbor!!” But the more I took in what she told me, the
more I realized, I had it wrong. Instead
of wanting her to be my neighbor, I wanted to be more like her to MY
NEIGHBORS.
Here are some of the insightful things she told me:
Avanie moved to America in 2008. She is married to a non-Indian, white
American and they have a 4 year old daughter.
As someone who grew up in another culture, I think Avanie can look at
America with “fresh eyes”, something we need, to give us all a fresh
perspective. One thing she noticed is
this, “I feel our country suffers from a similarity bias. We don’t want to hear perspectives of people
that think any differently than we do. We
cannot achieve anything by siloed thinking. I want to find common ground, bring people
together, to discuss how to positively bridge divides.” Inspired by one of her daughter’s books, “Same,
Same, But Different”, she starting thinking of things that people across all
cultures and political persuasions might enjoy.
Common grounds she came up with were; food, music, and art. She is not artistic, but did learn to cook at
age 24 and enjoys it, so she went with FOOD!
Avanie posted in her neighborhood Facebook group, offering to
open her home to teach 10 – 15 people some Indian dishes. Her first class was April 2017, and she has
done at least 6 more since then (plus one bigger class at a different
facility). Around 100 neighbors have
taken her cooking classes, and many, many more are on an ever-growing wait list
to attend!! She tries to offer a class
every month. “My cooking classes are
focused on Indian food, mostly because I am Indian so I can cook Indian food
from memory so it is easier. I am
thinking of expanding these to guest cooks for other cultures to be showcased.”
And lest you think Avanie lives a simple life with loads of free
time available to do things like teach strangers to cook, she is busy! She works, travels, and of course has her own
family to tend to as well. “There will
never be enough time or money. You have
to carve it out. You have to prioritize
it.” She likes the idea that some of the
neighbors who have taken her classes are considering starting teaching their
own sessions. That doesn’t surprise me,
because I haven’t even been lucky enough to take one of Avanie’s classes but
even from across the country I can tell how inspirational she is!
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| What a beautiful, happy family |
When I asked her what the goal is for her classes, the explanation was perfect: “My goal is for neighbors
to know each other. I will think it
is successful if I can walk around (my community) and know most of the people. I want to bump into neighbors at coffee shops
and grocery stores. I believe when you
know someone on a personal level your
biases and stereotypes about them are busted.
I grew up Hindu in India, but I went to a Catholic school and my close
friends were all different religions. Speaking
and writing in four languages fluently was normal. I believe the next generation that can
fluidly transition across a global culture will be successful. I can offer my multi-racial kid that through
culture, language, and travel, but I want to give that to the entire community she is growing up in. I want to fight the current hate filled
political world with kindness.”
Isn’t that the most eloquent explanation of COMMUNITY you
have ever heard? And the brilliance to
think beyond her home, beyond her family, into the entire neighborhood, is
beautiful. Because teaching diversity,
kindness, and culture in your own home only goes so far. But if the messages of
kindness can spread throughout the town, then perhaps our world can begin to
change.
“Teaching the classes makes me feel hopeful,” Avanie told
me. “Hopeful that people can embrace diversity
regardless of ethnicity. Did you know in
Seattle segregation laws by neighborhood associations which prevented people of
color from buying homes were not even illegal until 2005? People have mistaken me for the gardener and
are shocked that I helped pay for half of our home LOL. It is very uncomfortable living in Seattle as
a brown person, but I refuse to self-segregate.
I know it is also uncomfortable for white people when they feel
guilt. I am going to stand my ground and
hopefully be an example to people – white, brown, and all other shades – to realize
that being uncomfortable is ok. We need to seek it out. It is the first step to normalizing our
future global world. We need to stop
being so politically correct that we ask no questions in fear of retribution.”
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| Kindness Activist, cooking teacher, and all-around lovely human being in action! |
As with almost every Kindness Activist I have interviewed,
Avanie’s kindness is not limited to the action she is being recognized for
here. She hosted a baby shower for
neighbors, learned to make Chinese dumplings so that a friend with a new baby
did not have to miss out on the treat during Chinese New Year, made food for
her dog walker recovering from surgery, surprised a crying neighbor with a pot
of chai, and funded her sister’s applications to doctorate programs so that she
could become a doctor and work to cure Parkinson’s Disease (which their mom
suffers from). When speaking of these
kind acts (and many others), Avanie’s basic philosophy of life came through, “…personally,
I would say I do what is right. Others
have told me when I have done things that it is unusually kind, but to me, there is no other way. I don’t have a “kindness checklist” in my head. Why kindness isn’t the norm, I have no
clue.”
She continued, “I wonder sometimes why the USA is so
formal. I am married to an American, but
this cultural difference eludes me. Why is
kindness a “checklist”? That is so weird
to me, why it wouldn’t be impulsive? I typically
force kindness, from what I have gathered, onto my recipients by just saying, “I’m
doing it” instead of asking if I can (unless I have never met
them). I wish it would be ok to ask for
help. I ask my neighbors to water my
plants or pick up my packages when we travel, and they always do. My oldest neighbors tell me they are glad we
bought this home 2 years ago. I find it
amusing and rewarding.”
Avanie, I bet ALL of your neighbors are glad you bought your
home! You obviously bring much kindness,
love, and happiness to your community. Your
story has inspired me to strive to be a better neighbor and try harder to build
a more cohesive and understanding community.
“Giving and receiving kindness are both equally important to
building a community. The giver gets a
lot more out of it than people realize. Givers
feel accomplished and happy,” she said.
So true. That perspective reminds
me of the funny song in the Broadway show “Avenue Q”, where the characters
(puppets) sing, “When you help others, you can’t help helping yourself!”.
As if she hadn’t already inspired and taught us all enough,
Avanie summed things up with, “As humans, the key to happiness is gratitude,
and making a difference to someone else’s life.
It need not be more complicated. Kindness
= Happiness. If you want to be happy, do
something for someone else.”
THANK YOU for your inspiration and your kindness,
Avanie. You are indeed a Kindness
Activist.
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| Bonus photo of more of the tasty food from the cooking class! |
P.S. – I must close things out with a hilarious quote from
our interview. I was telling Avanie about
my visit to India and the amazing people I met there and things we saw, and she
told me (of her kindness), “In India what I do would be normal so maybe it’s
less crazy.” 😊
