Summer Kindness Pop-Up - LET THE KINDNESS SPREAD! Accounting #1

It seems like the Summer Kindness Pop-Up was just yesterday, but some of the money raised at the event and after ($4430.40 and counting!) has already made its way into the world to spread kindness!!  Here is an update:

• On our drive south recently, we stopped for gas in South Carolina.  I decided to spread a little kindness right there at the gas station by handing out Powerball tickets!  I gave 9 strangers the chance to become multi-millionaires!  Two worked at the Subway restaurant inside the gas station and the rest were customers.  One person looked particularly “down on her luck” – she was at a table with what looked like all of her belongings.  Of course, I will never see those people again, and I doubt any of them won the BIG PRIZE, but I sure hope that woman who seemed to be experiencing homelessness won a few bucks.  She deserves a treat.

Total spent:  $18

Fingers crossed someone won!

• A neighbor contacted me and explained that she was behind on her rent and really needed assistance.  I so respect people who are brave enough to speak out and ask for help.  So many of us suffer – needing help but afraid to ask.  Because of the Summer Kindness Pop-Up, I was able to help her make her rent for the month.

Total spent:  $150

• During a shopping trip to Trader Joe’s, we decided to treat a stranger to a colorful floral bouquet.  We checked out with our groceries and the flowers and asked our cashier to give the bouquet to their next customer.  We went out to our car and realized we forgot an item, so I had to run back in.  I saw our cashier and asked if he had given someone the surprise yet, and he said, “Right now!” as he pulled them out and gave them to a very stunned mother and her teenager.  I rushed off quickly so they wouldn’t see me, but the mom was easy to lipread, “REALLY?  FOR ME?  Who??  Wow!!”.  Later we watched as they walked thru the parking lot, flowers in hand, smiling broadly. 

Total spent:  $7.41

• My sister Annette died of GBM, glioblastoma (brain cancer) in 2019.  When she was sick and coming to visit me in Florida, I got a little silicone ice cube tray shaped liked brains.  I thought it would be funny to have brain shaped ice in our lemonade (that may sound gory, but we tried to approach the situation with as much levity as possible…).  I recently returned to our home in Florida after a 2-year absence and saw the ice cube tray.  Only this time, it was hard to see the humor in it – it made me sad.  So, I decided to give it away to someone else who might be able to enjoy it.  I listed it as a gift in a Facebook group for people who have GBM or are caretakers of someone with it.  Someone replied RIGHT AWAY and said they loved it and wanted it!  It made me happy to see it would get used and enjoyed.  Then another person wanted it!  And another…  End result – I used kindness funds to order 12 more brain ice cube trays!  They will be so appreciated by these patients and families!  I am waiting for them to arrive, then will mail them with personal notes of encouragement. 

Total spent:  $36.16

Would you like some BRAIN with that soda?

• I saw this post on a friend’s Facebook wall – “This summer my partner and I are serving as camp counselors for the non-profit Go Beyond.  We will be taking groups of teens to Wyoming for 10+ days on an amazing outdoor experience!  One of our kiddos is in need of some hiking appropriate clothes and other items for the trip.  We will be taking him shopping to get the things he needs for camp.  To share a little about this teen, this will be the first time he leaves the square block he lives on.  His parents are not currently involved in his life as they struggle with substance abuse and his grandma is his caretaker.  He is full of personality, has no fear and is excited for this amazing adventure!”  I love being able to support these kinds of needs!  Sure, we could donate to the non-profit “Go Beyond”, but because of this ask we were able to help a young man directly!!  He got a memory foam pillow and sheets for his cabin bed among other things.  Happy Camper!

Total spent:  $100

• Oh, this was a FUN ONE!  We were shopping at Home Depot and I had to urge to surprise someone with kindness.  We walked around the tool area until we found the perfect people – a couple that was looking at socket sets.  I noticed that they had been examining them for quite a long time.  I approached them and told them it was their lucky day – they had $100 of kindness money to spend in Home Depot!  The only catch was they needed to do it in 5 minutes.  Their eyes LIT UP!  “Really?  Are you joking???” they asked.  I assured them it was indeed real, and whispered to them to not just get one wrench as they turned back to the sockets they had been studying to decide.  Once they made their selection, they brought it to us and explained that they had been looking for a while because they didn’t really have the money to get what they wanted and needed.  They were going to make-do with a small set because it was what they could afford.  But because of kindness, they were able to get a really nice big set of sockets!  They were thrilled.

Total spent:  $95.37 (they did so well at maximizing their $100!)

Thanks for following along on this Kindness journey.  I consider it an honor to be the keeper of these funds.  Every penny will be used to spread kindness!

Peggy Day Kindness

I am going to let you in on a little secret: sometimes, on days when I feel overwhelmed and cranky – I find it difficult to see the kindness in the world. 

That sentence could also read – I am going to let you in on a little secret: I am human.

Because really, all of us, each and every one, have days when all we can see is anger.  Or hatred.  Or sadness.

But here is my real secret:  on days like that, when I am a bit more clever and not wallowing in self-pity, I make it a point to OPEN MY EYES AND BE ON THE LOOK-OUT FOR KINDNESS.  Like, actually pay attention and notice it.  Because it is there, it is always there.  And when I take time to breathe, to look, to listen – I see it.  And I am inspired.  And suddenly, the day that felt dark and dreary lightens up, and my perspective changes.  And I smile. 

And at times when I really need a wake-up call, I sit myself down and write about kindness.  It’s a bit selfish really.  It is as much for me as it is for you reading this.  But at least I am honest about that!  So here we go – let’s open our eyes and our hearts and talk about a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.

Meet Peggy.

Peggy - the newest KINDNESS ACTIVIST!

Peggy has been a friend of my sister Annette for a long, long time.  They met in junior high school (and, without giving away their ages, let me just say, that was a while back…).  I don’t know their history – how often they kept in touch, hung out, etc.  But I do know their PRESENT.

Annette has glioblastoma (brain cancer).  She was diagnosed in July and it has been a confusing whirlwind of a few months for her and our family.  We have met surgeons, oncologists, nurses, social workers, rehab staff…  Dealing with brain cancer is a maze of scary tests, terms, and medicines.

But through all of the sadness, scariness, and confusion – PEGGY has been a constant source of KINDNESS.

Peggy visited at the hospital.  Came to rehab.  Had long, deep conversations with Annette.

And here is the thing that has made me so happy, PEGGY TOTALLY STEPPED UP AND HELPED OUT.  She set up PEGGY DAY – one day a week where she picks up Annette, takes her to doctor or rehab appointments, goes out to eat, gets a pedicure, anything and everything. 

At the cancer center on Peggy Day

Peggy Day has been amazing.  It is a day that Annette always enjoys – she gets to laugh and hang out with her friend.  And it is a day that the rest of the family knows means it is our time to relax, recharge, get our non-medical things taken care of.  All while knowing that Annette is in great hands.  It is awesome.

I must mention that I know Peggy Day cannot always be easy for Peggy.  She has a very busy life of her own!  Her mom is not well, her own sister died of cancer, she herself has had cancer, she has a daughter with a disability that she cares for, etc.  It is not like Peggy is just sitting around waiting for things to do, mind you!  Even though she enjoys hanging out with Annette, it means taking time out of her schedule to do it.  It means arranging child care, driving Annette around, and giving of herself. 

Peggy and her sweet daughter

Peggy and her daughter spending time with her mom

PEGGY IS WONDERFUL. 

And she is kind.

Which is why she is being named a Kindness Activist. 

Thank you, Peggy.  You are amazing.  You have been a source of support for our family more than you can know.  And you are an inspiration.  Someday I hope to be able to grace a friend with Susan Day – where I will carry on your tradition of love, support, and kindness.

Peggy - a KINDNESS ACTIVIST extraordinaire!

P.S.- Among the countless other KIND THINGS Peggy does, she is also on the planning committee for the fundraising gala Annette’s friends are throwing her this month!  And she also sends me encouraging messages and funny stuff late at night to make me smile.  See, her kindness never ends!

Puppy Kindness

Tate playing in the grass

This is the 2^nd in a series of Kindness Activists that have stepped forward and shone during my sister Annette’s illness.  There are many, many people who have being remarkably kind and helpful during this difficult time, but one in particular stands out and is very deserving of being dubbed a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.

World, meet KRISTI!!

Kristi is my sister’s friend.  They have gone through good times together, and bad times – Kristi is a breast cancer survivor and Annette helped her through her illness. 

Annette and Kristi all decked out

When Annette suddenly had to go to the Emergency room on July 26^th, one of the immediate issues that needed to be dealt with was:  TATE.  Annette had just gotten a new puppy, Tate Dakota, in June (born April 16^{th *}).  He is a Cavalier King Charles and pretty much the cutest little dog you have ever seen!  But he couldn’t go to the hospital with her, the little fella wasn’t even potty trained!  And the whole family was going to be at the hospital at all hours, so Tate needed someone to stay with.

Tate Dakota - all sorts of cute!!

Kristi didn’t even hesitate to offer to puppy-sit.  Why, she and Annette had driven to South Dakota together to pick him up just a month earlier, so I guess technically they had each known that tiny dog the same amount of time.  And Kristi had just finished puppy-sitting Tate so that Annette could come to Florida for what we call “Sister Week”, so Tate was used to Kristi’s home and even had adopted “sisters” there!

Tate and her adopted sister Haley

So, when Annette checked into the hospital on July 26^th, Tate checked into Kristi’s home, and he has been there ever since.  She has even been training him!  He couldn’t manage steps when he went there, now he can.  He wasn’t potty trained very much when he went there, he now even knows how to lift his tiny leg.  Go Tater Tot go!!

Also, Kristi doesn’t just take care of Tate, she makes sure to keep his mamma well informed and entertained with news of the puppy!  She sends photos, videos, and little messages from Tate so that Annette can feel the love.

And get this:  she brought up to the hospital for visits!  Even SNUCK HIM INTO THE REHAB unit one time!!  He was the hit of the party, of course.  Everyone loves the little guy.

Tate snuggling his mamma outside the hospital in Omaha

Puppies are good medicine!  See that long tongue? 
It gave Annette LOTS of kisses!

Kristi has bought Tate bones, treats, even a special collar so that the spoiled little puppy could be in our recent family photo shoot and match everyone else!

Annette and her cutie Tate (and a shoe, which Tate likes to chew on...)
Photo by the amazing Brenda Lee Dolinski 

Annette is now out of the hospital and doing well.  She is still in physical therapy, and now has started radiation and chemo.  So, she is not quite strong enough to take care of Tate (who is an active little fella…) yet.  Kristi is graciously still watching the little guy.

Kristi – you are a KINDNESS ACTIVIST indeed.  Thank you for giving Tate a great home so that Annette can focus on healing.  We appreciate you!

The beautiful and KIND Kristi

* - TATE AND KRISTI SHARE THE SAME BIRTH DATE!  Isn't that awesome??

Laptop Kindness

I haven’t written in this blog for quite a while.  I am sorry. 

In fact, there are many other “normal” things in my life I haven’t done for quite a bit, and there is a good reason for that.

Actually, it is a BAD reason.  A horrible, anger inducing reason:  my sister Annette has been diagnosed with brain cancer.  Glioblastoma to be precise.  I hate saying (even typing it).  I hate the reality of it.  I hate the severity of it.  I hate the look in people’s eyes when they hear it.  I hate that John McCain just died of it.  I hate SO MUCH about it. 

Annette a couple of years ago, caught mid-jump :)

But it has happened.  Our family is, of course, reeling.  She is young, only 57 years old.  She is otherwise healthy.  She has 2 grown kids and 4 adorable grandkids.  She has SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.  She had surgery to remove the tumor (after several days in the hospital post-diagnosis waiting for the swelling to go down and the surgical team to be assembled) on July 30^th.  Many fretful, stressful days later, the final pathology report finally came back and told us what we had all feared: it was glioblastoma 4, an aggressive form of brain cancer.  The surgeon did a great job with the operation – got all he could see with a microscope.  She starts radiation and chemo this week (how sucky is that, that for this form of cancer patients have to do both forms of treatment simultaneously).  Our family is doing what we always do: SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER, LOVING ONE ANOTHER, AND EMBRACING THE GOOD MOMENTS (that do show up, though interspersed with the sucky ones…).

Annette minutes before being wheeled in
brain surgery.  I told her she looked like a big
BAKED POTATO.

I am not the type of person to ask for help.  I am guessing many of us would say that phrase, “I don’t ask for help”.  Seriously, I am the person who GIVES help, I don’t ASK for it.  And I don’t say that to brag, because when I look at that part of my character now I see that it is a serious flaw, not something to brag about.  Not being willing/able to ask for help means not being able to connect with others, not offering them the opportunity to do for me what I so love to do for others – TO HELP.

And look, I am not looking for life lessons right now.  At this point I am looking to keep my head above water, to be able to function enough to continue my professional life so I can keep my job (and therefore continue to pay our mortgage), and to spend time with people I love.  But damn it if life lessons don’t keep seeking me out…

So yes, this experience may teach me more about being vulnerable enough to ask for help.

But I refuse to label that a “good thing”, because I am not going to say “good things” come out of this horrible disease.  (Though I will admit that learning to ask for help is something that I needed.)

In keeping with that, if I can find the head space to write and take photos, this Kindness Activist blog should be cranking out the KINDNESS stories soon, because kind people are coming out of the woodwork to help my sister and our whole family during this ordeal. 

So, let’s meet the first Kindness Activist to be featured here because of dumb stupid unfair stinky glioblastoma (angry much??):  LEAH!!

Leah and Evan on their visit to Florida (he loved the ocean)

Leah is a woman I met a few years ago when I offered up our basement apartment for sign language interpreting students from my alma mater to stay in while studying at Gallaudet (a renowned university for Deaf students located in Washington DC).  She and her friend Lauren stayed with us for a couple of weeks and we became friends. 

Fast forward to now – Leah is a successful interpreter, awesome mom to her son who just started second grade (he was just a toddler when she was brave enough to come across the country to further her education), and an all-around great person.  She and I keep in touch via Facebook, see each other once in a while in person for coffee in Omaha, and she and her son came and splashed around in the ocean with us in Florida for a few glorious days, too.

Back to my sister Annette:  she was encouraged by her physical therapy team to write a blog to talk about her cancer.  The premise was that writing it would give her something to look back on when bad days rolled around, and that by reading past entries, she would see that, actually, she has come quite far since this all started and be motivated to continue to push forward.  I am not sure that the therapy team meant for her to share her blog publicly, but once she had the idea to do that in her head she would not be stopped.

Annette with her kids and grandkids the evening before surgery

She is writing and sharing an amazing blog which she has titled “Let’s Kick Some Mass”.  She has been so brave and authentic – sharing her thoughts and feelings about this whole experience.  When she started the blog, she couldn’t move her left side much.  It had been grossly affected by the swelling in her brain and the surgery.  She was also quite medicated sometimes.  Those things would have made it very difficult to TYPE, so she and I began the process of writing her blog TOGETHER.  Wait, that is wrong, SHE WROTE IT, I simply transcribed it.  She and I sat in silence.  When she talked, I typed.  She would ask me to read aloud what she had composed – over and over and over.  Each blog entry took a couple of hours.  We shed tears.  We laughed (sometime laughing so hard, we shed more tears).  But the process was:  she was the author.  All thoughts, all words, everything was HERS, I was just the fingers on the keyboard.  I loved our time working on her blog together.  It was quiet, magical, and special.  I felt (still feel) very honored that she allowed me to support her on such an important and personal task.

Then she began to get healthier.  “Lefty” (as we called her weak left side) started getting stronger.  She got better at walking.  Took less meds.  She was becoming more independent again, as she had always been.

She tried to compose her blog entry on own using her phone a couple of times, but it was super difficult.  One problem is that she got her new phone the day she got sick.  This whole illness came on so suddenly – one day all 3 sisters were in Florida kayaking, three days later she was in the ER with strange symptoms that turned out to be a mass in her brain.  So, the phone was brand new and she had not had time to figure out how to use it.  Plus, she was writing very complex, emotional, difficult things, and a phone was not conducive to that kind of work.

Also, I (her typing fingers) had to leave town.  As much as I wanted to stay in Omaha, we had a vacation home in Florida that we left at the drop of a hat when she got sick, and we had to go back and close that up.  Plus, we had to drive our car back to DC and be there in time for my sweetheart to start teaching this semester.  So, I booked an airline ticket to go home and get some loose ends tied up, then return to my family in Omaha. But that meant being away for two weeks, and surely she would need to blog while I was gone.

Team Nettie party at the hospital - shortly after pathology came back.  The fight was ON!

So, I got brave and decided to ask for help.  I posted this on my Facebook wall (hiding Annette and her kids from the post, I am not sure if that was because I wanted to surprise her if it all worked out, save her from disappointment if it didn’t work out, or because I was embarrassed to ask for help…)”

“Omaha area friends - does anyone have an extra laptop that they no longer use?? My sister has been writing a blog about her glioblastoma and we have been using my computer to compose it. But I have to pop home for a couple of weeks, and it would be lovely if she had a laptop she could use. Writing long stories (and her stories ARE LONG  :) ) on a cell phone just doesn't cut it. She would be thrilled with any brand/type - Apple, PC, it doesn't have to be fancy, just functional. If you have one laying around collecting dust, we will be happy to come pick it up anytime!! Recycle the old fashioned way - by giving to a friend!! Thanks for considering. #NotUsedToAskingForHelpButTryingToDoItMore”

Not 30 minutes went by after posting before the first offer of a laptop or iPad popped in.  Then another.  Then another.  4 people offered to let her use and/or keep the equipment they had.  I was so inspired by the outpouring of help!

In the end, we got Leah’s laptop.  It was just missing the plug, which was easily replaced at Best Buy.  It is a beautiful, shiny, well-functioning computer and is PERFECT for Annette.  I put a photo of us 3 sisters on the beach on the home screen and got it set up with her “favorites” online, which of COURSE includes her blog!!

Tada - her new laptop!  (And yes, she looks THIS AMAZING just 3 weeks after major brain surgery)

Yesterday my sweetheart and I made the 13.5 drive from Florida to Virginia.  At around 2:30 am EST, Annette texted me.  She was working on her blog (the first one she had typed all by herself) and was running into a couple of glitches trying to POST what she had composed.  As soon as we pulled in the driveway I set up my laptop so she and I could be looking at the same screens and we talked through it.  We didn’t hang up until around 3:15 am my time, so I think she worked on that blog entry for a good 4 hours. 

Because it is a laptop, she can carry it anywhere to work on her blog

 BUT SHE DID IT.  (Oh sure, a pop-up screen foiled the final attempt to publish, but she had worked out how to copy and paste it to me, her back-up editor, so as a team that puppy made it online!!)

Leah, your laptop offers her independence.  It gives her a way to look at the photos she loves in a much larger format.  It lets her express herself – her happiness, her fears.  And it will allow her friends, family, and strangers she has never even met to follow this journey.

THANK YOU FOR BEING A KINDNESS ACTIVIST Leah.  Your generosity means a ton to our family. 

If YOU would like to be inspired and informed, please read Annette’s blog.  She is doing an outstanding job writing it.  You can see it here:  Let's Kick Some Mass

P.S.- I will be asking for help more often.  I am learning.

P.P.S. – There are loads more Kindness Activists that have appeared during this difficult time.  I hope to find time to recognize many of them here.  Those entries will not be as long, since I have laid the groundwork with this post and filled you in on what is happening.

Bonus photo:  sunrise sisters.  Birthday celebration on the beach in Florida just 5 days before her diagnosis.