The Kindness Yard Sale Funds Are SPREADING!

It’s time for a KINDNESS YARD SALE UPDATE!!  Because the sale was soooo successful, there’s a ton of kindness to spread this year, and it is exciting!  So, let’s take a peek at the recent kindness that has gone down:

A woman named Tracey in my local Buy Nothing group posted that she was looking for white shoes to wear to nursing school.  Wait – what??  You can’t wear USED SHOES when you are learning to be a NURSE!  I pictured her standing on her feet all day, walking the hospital hallways, learning how to chart and take blood pressure, etc.  No, used shoes would not do in that situation.  She needed BRAND NEW ONES – shoes with good support and in perfect condition!

I contacted her and asked if it would be ok to get her some, and she was thrilled.  She looked online and found just the ones she liked.  I ordered, we waited, and VOILA – new white shoes!!!!

Nurse-to-be rocking her new white COMFY shoes!

Tracey - I hope nursing school goes great.  I know from experience that nurses are some of the most IMPORTANT people in the healthcare industry.  I bet you will be an awesome one!

(Spend on the nursing shoes: $64.26)

A neighbor sent me a message recently asking if I take nominations for people to receive kindness.  Hmmm.  The woman contacting me had both donated and shopped at the yard sale, so I didn’t have to think long before saying, “Well, sure!  What do you have?  I would love to consider it!”.  She explained that she had a friend who was feeling isolated during Covid.  My neighbor wished she lived closer to her friend so that they could visit in person, but wondered if perhaps a little kindness from a stranger would bring some joy.  That sounded like a perfect fit for a Kindness Activist act, so I started online shopping! 

Before long I landed on the website Uncommon Goods.  Boy oh boy, if you ever want to get someone an interesting, unique gift, check it out!  I asked my neighbor a couple of questions about her friend, then narrowed my search down to a few items.  My favorite was this bracelet, so I was glad it was my neighbor’s favorite, too! 

Here is the description of it from the website:“Shooting stars. Birthday candles. Found pennies. The perfect moment to make a wish doesn't have to rely on chance. Hidden within this bracelet's clasp is a secret compartment to stash your personal wish - whether it's a daily intention, a meaningful reminder, or exactly what you've been wishing for. Simply write your wish on a tiny bit of paper (a set of just-the-right-sized sheets is included), roll it up, and tuck it into the opening. Wear it as a daily reminder to keep at it and stay focused on your goal—because putting what you want out there is the first step in making your wishes come true. “

Just a few clicks, a little note to insert with the bracelet, and then we waited!! 

I was so excited the day my neighbor messaged me and said, “IT ARRIVED!  And she is trying to figure out who it is from!!”.  The mystery of it all made me giggle.  Eventually my friend revealed the back-story, and the bracelet recipient might even be reading this now!  If so, hope you liked your special gift.  I hope you wear it in good heath and tuck a special wish or dream in the secret compartment.  And I hope when Covid is over and you come to visit Arlington, I get to meet you!

(Spend on the bracelet - $54.64)

Website: https://www.uncommongoods.com/

You may remember a story I wrote about a young man I met at the Kindness Yard Sale and really took a liking to.  His name is Langston, and he is in the ASL (American Sign Language) club at his school.  I am an ASL interpreter, so I encouraged him to keep studying and come work with me someday!  The field needs more male interpreters and interpreters of color.

He and his mom bought several things at the sale.  One thing he picked out for himself was a Fit Bit.  He walked by a couple of weeks after the sale his dad and they stopped to chat.  I was thrilled to hear that Langston is using that Fit Bit every day!  His record is over 23,000 steps in one day!

Anyway, to continue to encourage him to study ASL, I used Kindness funds to buy him a t-shirt made by a Deaf woman.  It says “equal” in ASL.  It can also mean “equality”.  I thought it was really fitting with the Black Lives Matter movement happening now.  I wore my ASL shirt when we delivered Langston’s so we could take a photo together.  On mine, the “O” in the word “vote” is the sign for vote!  Isn’t it cool? 

EQUALITY!

(Spend on t-shirt - $24.45)

Website:  https://shop.spreadshirt.com/erryb/?fbclid=IwAR1MpPD49Nb1j2HEZg6-z9HqChi515eKFXe9PtZpUYO2tX_kCyGwkuPN5ZU

A woman in town is taking care of her mother who has memory issues.  That duo has such a soft spot in my heart - watching their relationship is beautiful.  When there was a little wicker desk/vanity left over after the Kindness Yard Sale, I hoped her mom could use it!  She likes to write cards and letters to mail to people.   Sure enough, it was a size and style that would fit in their home, so we put it in the back of our car and brought it to them.

But you can’t have your own DESK without a little PLANT on it…  So, we got a little potted mini rose bush.  And if you are going to have a desk, you need PAPER…  Got some memo pads.  And if you are going to write cards, you need CARDS!  Grabbed some cards. 

Desk with supplies - all ready for the new owner and lots of letter writing

It was very fun to drop everything off at the house.  Because of Covid we socially distanced and set it up in the front yard (they brought it in later that evening).  But we talked a while and the mom smiled.  She was very curious about the tiny roses.  And as we pulled away I saw her move the desk a bit so she could sit at a bench in the yard and “work at the desk”.  Made my heart very happy.

(Spend on desk supplies - $14.52)

And finally for this update – a MYSTERY GIFT!!!  I read somewhere that someone bought something for a stranger off of their Amazon Wish List.  I do not use an Amazon Wish List, so I wasn’t sure how that would work, but I called my big sister on video, shared my screen, and off we went!!  It was FUN!

We decided a BABY GIFT would be good, so we went to the Baby Registry.  Then I made up a name (a common-ish sounding name) and typed it in – VOILA!  There were about a dozen women with the name I entered who were having or had had babies and had wish lists!!!  We chose a woman whose baby is due soon (September 3^rd) who lives in Kentucky.  We could tell from looking at her wish list that she is having a boy, and it looked like it was probably her first baby. 

Nothing on her list had been purchased so we had lots to choose from!  We debated which route to go – diapers would be PRACTICAL but also maybe something local friends and neighbors would give her.  In the “go big or go home” department – we decided on the most expensive item on her registry – a video baby monitor!!  It looked really nice and I bet she will get a ton of use out of it.   And it is also something that would be hard to buy out of a pocket when you are also dealing with getting all of the basics.  We also bought a little board book about animals. 

New baby monitor for a brand new baby

We included a note that the money used to buy these gifts was raised at the Kindness Yard Sale in Arlington, VA and we had chosen her at random on Amazon.  The gifts were delivered this Saturday!  I wish I could have seen her face when she got them.  She doesn’t have my name or contact info, but who knows, maybe she will Google “Kindness Activist” and end up reading this!

(Spend on baby gifts - $179.83)

That's the 2020 update so far.  More Kindness Yard Sale news as it happens!! 

Chalk It Up To Kindness

One of the primary purposes of Kindness Activist is to show how KINDNESS RIPPLES.  When people talk about kindness – share it with others – it ripples…  I believe that the people who hear about the kindness are subconsciously affected.  Kindness moves more to the forefront of their mind, and therefore, they are more likely to DO something kind.

But the recent ripple I witnessed was much faster and more intentional than I remember seeing!  It was a beautiful, sweet, ripple of KINDNESS!

Photo of original chalk art in the community (not the artwork that was washed away).  Photo credit unknown.

It all started with CHALK.  A family in my community (Arlington, Virginia) had chalked Black Lives Matter statements on their driveway.  Someone in the neighborhood was apparently offended by the chalk art, and they called in to report it and ask that it be removed. 

That someone would be offended by a child’s CHALK ART speaks volumes to how tense our society is right now.  Anyway, the county sent workers out and told them that they HAD to remove the drawings.  To add insult to injury, this all happened on June 19^th (Juneteenth), th holiday that celebrates the day the slaves in Texas finally received the news that they had been proclaimed free 2 and a half years earlier.  And even worse, the county employees who were dispatched to erase the work were African American…  (Link to the story about the incident here: Washington Post story on this incident)

Chalk art on a sidewalk in Arlington.  Photo credit unknown.

As word got out throughout the neighborhood, people were livid.   Arlington is a very diverse and progressive community and this type of hatred and intolerance are not in tune with “the Arlington Way”.  So, neighbors reacted in an amazing manner – they went to the girl’s neighborhood and chalked and chalked and chalked!  Her artwork doubled, tripled, grew into many many many times larger than the original pieces as more and more families added to the messages.  People throughout Arlington joined in and chalked their own sidewalks and driveways.  It was a glorious show of support.

A simple and sincere message.  Photo credit unknown.

I wanted to help out, so we went to Target to buy some chalk sets to share.  I hosted a Kindness Yard Sale last summer where all proceeds raised went to spread kindness, and I had a little bit left in the “Kindness Bank”.  I bought all the sidewalk chalk Target had left – 3 sets.  I am guessing they had a big run on it after the Juneteenth incident!!

This was the only sidewalk chalk I cuold find at Target 2 days after the drawings were destroyed

Then I posted in a Facebook group asking who would like some chalk to write their messages of support.  I delivered the 3 sets of chalk – one to a neighbor I know who asked for some, and 2 sets to people I do not know.  At one house the mom told me it was going to be her daughter’s 6^th  birthday soon.  She sent me this sweet message:  “Any chance you would be inclined to do sidewalk art with us on Wednesday?  Our girl is turning 6 on Saturday and we’re looking for creative ways to teach her some community members want the best for everyone."  I couldn’t join them in their drawing because I had to work, but was so honored to be invited.  At another house, the three little girls had come up with what they wanted to chalk, “We are all children of God” and draw a bunch of people holding hands.  More positive messages of equality!!

Let FREEDOM ring indeed!  Photo credit unknown.

But that is not the kindness I wanted to write about here.  What happened NEXT is what I love.  A person who I only know through a Facebook group sent me a message saying that she would like to help me spread the chalk messages.  She asked for my address and today, THIS CHALK ARRIVED via Amazon!  Isn’t that fantastic?  It was an immediate ripple!!!  Giving away chalk resulted in having MORE chalk to give away!  And that is perfect because tomorrow has been declared Chalk for Justice in Arlington and people are going to hit the pavement with chalk!!  I can’t wait to see the drawings and quotes.

(Edit - after I wrote and published this story, ANOTHER Amazon delivery came!  The kind stranger sent 3 sets of sidewalk chalk!!)

MORE CHALK TO SHARE!  Sent from a kind stranger.  

See how quickly the ripples can happen??  It doesn’t take tons of money (I only spent $30.74 on 3 sets).  It doesn’t take a lot of time (I just bought the chalk, posted about it, and delivered it to 3 houses).  It doesn’t take a lot of effort.  What it takes is heart.  Small acts of KINDNESS can cause big ripples.  Ripples that can reach out into the community and spread…  Spreading kindness everywhere they touch.

What can YOU do to start a ripple today?

Black Lives Matter.  Photo credit unknown

Belief In Kindness RESTORED

Here is a strange thing about kindness: sometimes the most UNKIND action can, in the end, lead to a KIND ACTION.  This happened to me a couple of months ago.

We live on a super busy street corner right outside Washington DC.  I sometimes have posters and signs up on our fence for passersby to see.  But twice, signs were stolen from our property.  Twice!  The first time I was mad, but the second time I was so angry!!  I mean, these signs were not offensive, they were not blocking anyone’s view, and they were MINE, and people STOLE THEM.  Some people tried to say they might have “blown away” (no), that someone might have “liked them so they took them to put up at their own house” (ummm, negative…) or that the county might have “taken them down” (NO).  When the second sign was stolen the jerks* who took it threw the metal sign holder down a few feet away on our sidewalk and left it there!  That is not something the county would do, or someone “borrowing” the sign to use in their own yard (and, by the way, who would do that??).)  No, this was clearly vandalism, and the fact that someone could be so callous as to rip-off signs about kindness honestly made me doubt my belief in kindness as a philosophy.

First this sign was stolen.  It was made by my brother-in-law shortly after
the election when we had a sign painting/dinner party.

This THIS sign was stolen.  It only hung a few days before someone was apparently so "offended"
by it that they ripped it down (link at bottom of post to order your own sign!)

To try and sort through my own feelings, and to loudly proclaim to the haters that they had not “won” this battle of the signs, I got the paint out and made a new sign:

My "kindness fighter", David, by the newest sign.  

Yes, in this one I announced to all passersby that vandals had taken my sign, but that I still believe in kindness.

It made me feel better to hang the new sign, and I wondered if the thieves would see it and rip it off, too.  It has been hanging for over a month now and has not been vandalized or stolen (yet). 

Making and displaying the new sign made me feel a little less violated.  And then something downright amazing happened that wholly restored my believe in the kindness of strangers.  I found THIS NOTE on my porch:

ISN'T THIS AN AMAZING ACT OF KINDNESS??

And with the note, was THIS SIGN!!

No matter where you are from, we're glad you're our neighbor
(link at the bottom of the post if you want to order a sign like this one!)

A complete stranger had seen my sign, stopped, and given me a brand new sign to hang!!!  ISN’T THAT SO KIND???

I called Jessica (she had put her phone number on the note) and we talked.  What a sweetheart!!!!  I asked if I could write about her kindness here, and she agreed.  Here is what she told me:

She had bought not one but TEN signs from a man who wants to cover the city in welcoming signs. She said, “I figured I'd buy extras and give them to friends. The divisiveness in the media and during the election (and after) was really getting to me because I could only imagine how it was making some of my neighbors and friends feel. I wanted to do whatever I could to reinforce that wasn't how I felt.”  What an awesome idea – buying signs for friends to share the kindness!!  I love it!!

This is Jessica- a kind, kind person!

Jessica told me that she had overestimated how many signs she needed to give to her friends, so she had an extra one sitting in her car.  I asked how I happened to be lucky enough to receive one of the signs, and I love how she explained what happened, “I was sitting in traffic southbound on your road, and the words EQUALITY and KINDNESS caught my eye. When I read the sign, I thought how shitty it was for someone to steal a sign, so I made a quick u turn and dropped off the sign. It felt like the right thing to do, and I figured the sign wasn't helping anything sitting in my car : ) .”  I was the only stranger she graced with a sign!  And let me tell you, I was most certainly a happy recipient!   

I asked her how it felt to leave the sign on my porch.  I mean, she didn’t know me, and I didn’t know her, and here she was writing me a note and giving me a gift.  She said, “I was a little nervous. That probably sounds silly, but with the current political climate, you never really know. I figured I was doing a good thing and the worst thing that would probably happen is someone would yell at me so I decided to go for it. I was a little sad when I drove back by and didn't see the sign up and hadn't heard, but knew what I had done was coming from the right place, so I had almost forgotten about it when you called me; it was a very nice surprise.”

(What she didn’t know about me is that I am very slow to get things done…  I am sorry I made you sad by not hanging the sign right away, Jessica!  Actually, I have been nervous to hang signs, afraid they would get stolen.  But I figured out a new system to hang them more securely now so they are harder to get off the fence.  😊.)

OK, one more twist to the story.  It turns out that a couple of weeks earlier I had actually PURCHASED the exact same sign that Jessica gave me.  I bought one when the local Unitarian Universalist Church (in Arlington, VA) sent a message out offering to place a bulk order if anyone wanted to purchase one.  So, I HAD ONE, but had been too scare to hang it lest it get stolen.  I explained that to Jessica on the phone and asked if she would rather I give the sign she gifted me back to her so that she could re-gift it, or if I should pass the kindness on to someone else.  She said I should give the sign away, and yesterday the perfect opportunity to do that presented itself!!!

I was out watering plants on the front porch when a very sweet young lady on a bike stopped in front of our house.  She introduced herself as Emma and told me that she bikes by our house often and loves our garden and our signs.  We talked a while and I could tell she was a very kind woman, a neighbor who I had never had the pleasure of meeting.  Since she liked our signs, I asked if she had one of the “welcome neighbor” signs in her own yard.  When she said she did not, I asked if she would like one, and her eyes lit up.  I gave her the extra sign that Jessica had given me, and off she biked toward home to put it in her yard.  And thus, the message of kindness and acceptance spread a few blocks further in this world.

The sign found a perfect home!

I.  Love.  Kindness. 

The whole premise of this project, Kindness Activist, is that hearing about/seeing/reading about kindness inspires others to be kind.  I truly believe that.  So, go out and spread some kindness today, won’t you.  And tell me about your kindness, so I can share you story!  Send me a message on Facebook (Kindness Activist) or shoot me an email at kindnessactivist@gmail.com .  I would love to hear more stories of kindness and pass them on in the world.

Thanks!

Bonus photo!  We swung by my new friend Emma's house and she ALREADY HUNG THE SIGN!

P.S.- If you would like to order a "In This House We Believe" sign like the one that was nicked from our fence, you can find them here:  Cafe Press sign link

P.P.S. - If you would like to order a "No matter where you are from" neighbor sign, you can find them at this link:  We're Glad That You're Our Neighbor signs

Facebook Kindness - IMPORTANT UPDATE!

When I started this Kindness Activist project, a friend and fellow interpreter contacted me with an idea.  Kelly said she would pledge to do an act of kindness that I thought would be impossible:  she was ONLY going to post kind things on Facebook for an entire year!  No negativity, no snark, just KINDNESS...  Here is the original story about that:

Facebook Kindness

Ok, sooooo, Her pledge was a wee bit more difficult that she had imagined.  I mean, it is an ELECTION YEAR, people, and this election is a doozy.  And you may not have noticed it, but there is a huge battle about gun rights raging...

So Kelly kinda sorta hasn't been able to keep her "only KIND things on my Facebook wall" pledge. She has posted things like this:

Guns...

And stuff like this:

Kelly wasn't the only person ticked off by this Trump stunt...

And to her credit, she also posted stuff like THIS:

Buddha Doodles - BE KIND

 But far and away, the best, favorite, most IMPORTANT and BEAUTIFUL thing she posted is THIS:

Kelly and Lisa

KELLY GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!  Congratulations, Kelly and Lisa!!!  I am so excited for you both. Best wishes for a lifetime of happiness together.

Kelly, you bring joy to so many people.  Thank you for being a Kindness Activist.  And yes, you can keep your Kindness Activist button.  :)  Nobody's perfect!  And your Facebook posts still make me smile.

Orlando Kindness

My heart has been heavy lately, thinking of the horrible events that took place at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida.  49 people were killed in an act of hatred, terrorism, and intolerance.  It was a senseless act that has caused a city, a state, the whole country to pause and take time to reflect and cry.  Like many things in America, especially in election cycles, it has also escalated political arguments about immigration and gun control. 

The purpose of this blog is not to share my personal beliefs on issues, except for my core belief of KINDNESS.  So we will let the debates that have arisen continue in other venues (with my voice being expressed loud and clear in those spaces) and let THIS SPACE be one that resonates KINDNESS.

Two beautifully kind Orlando events were shared with me today that I think shine a light on the spirit of love in that city.  My partner David has performed twice in the Orlando Fringe Festival, an annual theatre event that hosts performances from around the country.  Because we have been there for Fringe, we have made lasting friends that live in the area.  We think of them and all of those that are personally affected by this tragedy. 

The first kind Orlando action brought to my attention today are two groups working hard to ensure the funerals of Pulse victims are respectful and peaceful.  One group is Angel Action Wings for Orlando.  It consists of theatre people coming together to make sure that the funerals are not disturbed by hate groups. 

Angel Wings - full of love and peace, being modeled by Tyler Schank, Orlando performer

Modeling the back of the wings - Marlie Tollefson

Westboro Baptist Church, from Topeka, Kansas, is a “church” that appears to have hate as its core value.  They travel around the country to protest events like military funerals, concerts, etc, and have been given a permit to protest the funerals in Orlando.  But Angel Action Wings for Orlando has been busy planning, sewing, and organizing to make sure that the funeral in Orlando will be filled with love and respect instead of hate.  Patrons of the arts have donated fabric and volunteers have sewn very large angel wings (74” long and 36” wide).  Volunteers will work in shifts wearing these wings during the funeral services, using them to block out the hatred being demonstrated behind them.  Instead of hate, mourners going to the funerals will see love and peace.  THANK YOU, Angel Action Wings for Orlando.  Your kindness and warm spirits remind us that love prevails. 

These people MADE the wings.  Thank you!  (Names listed below)

Lindsay Taylor working on a set of angel wings

Human Chain Link for Pulse Funerals is another Orlando group working hard to make sure families and friends of Pulse victims can grieve in peace.  They recently had over 400 people show up with flags and signs of peace and love to block out any hatred at Orlando events.  They spread POSITIVE messages.  In this time of sadness and grieving, it is wonderful to see that some kind souls take action and do all they can to make the world a better place.

Love wins.  Human Chain Link for Pulse Funerals in action

Orlando KINDNESS

The other beautiful example of kindness came across on a friend’s Facebook page.  Christopher Levy is very active in the Orlando Theatre community (one of his jobs is Music Director of the Winter Park Playhouse).  He shared a poignant example of a Kindness Activist in action:

Chris

“I went to Office Depot this evening to pick up an ‪#‎OrlandoStrong banner for the Playhouse. It was going to be my contribution. When I went to pay, the woman behind me in line asked to pay for it. I said "Oh, thank you, but it's okay, this is my donation" and she insisted on paying. I broke down. I could barely get out anything beyond "thank you". We hugged. And I'm posting this because it's important that a) just when you think you're okay, you're not, and b) to counter all the stories of unfathomably heinous behaviour shown by some people, and show that there is still good in the world. Anne Frank was right.”

Such a simple yet amazing action by the woman in the store.  Her kindness inspired not only Chris, but the hundreds of people who have read the post and will hear the story.  THANK YOU, unknown woman at Office depot.  Your kindness makes a difference in the world. 

Chris with the sign at the theatre - THANK YOU kind woman in Office Depot!

Orlando, we are thinking of you, grieving with you.  #OrlandoStrong  #OrlandoUnited

Resources:

OneOrlando is a group that has been set up to provide support to victims and their families.  Please visit their site and donate if you are able:  https://www.oneorlando.org/

Angel Wings for Action has a long history of supporting funerals and events that are protested by hate groups.  They began after the founder,  Romaine Patterson, was shocked to see the hate filled neon signs of Westboro Baptist church at Matthew Shepard’s funeral.  Read about Angle Wings for Action here:  http://eatromaine.com/1/laramie-angels.html

The Orlando Playhouse will host a benefit event for victims on June 23, 2016.  Please see this article to learn more about it and attend if you can:  Winter Park Concert for One Orlando

Names of those pictured in the photo of angel wing makers:  Front-Piper Tollefson, Mollie Tollefson, Marlie Tollefson, Becca Haskins, Jeannie Marie Haskett Back-Shaina Tollefson, Simone Smith, Kristina Tollefson and Misha Tollefson   Not pictured: James Erwin and Delson Junker

Article on the Westboro protest, and the Angel Wing action:  Angels to Block WBC

Thanks to Jeannie Marie Haskett for photos

Victims of attack on Pulse Nightclub:

•  Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old
• Amanda Alvear, 25 years old
• Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old
• Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old
• Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old
• Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old
• Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old
• Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old
• Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old
• Cory James Connell, 21 years old
• Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old
• Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old
• Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old
• Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old
• Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old
• Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old
• Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old
• Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old
• Frank Hernandez, 27 years old
• Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old
• Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old
• Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old
• Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old
• Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old
• Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old
• Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old
• Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old
• Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old
• Kimberly Morris, 37 years old
• Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old
• Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old
• Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 years old
• Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old
• Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old
• Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old
• Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old
• Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old
• Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old
• Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old
• Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 years old
• Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old
• Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old
• Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old
• Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old
• Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old
• Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old
• Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old
• Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old
• Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old

Equality Kindness

Sometimes opportunities to be a kindness activist just show up at the doorstep.  Some people notice them, others don’t.  Ashlee did.  But would you know what to do, could YOU be as amazing an ally as Ashlee is, if you were to make a friend that needed someone in their corner to fight for them??  I think we could all take a KINDNESS LESSON from Ashlee.

This is Ashlee.  She teaches first grade in Omaha, Nebraska.

Ashlee, a Kindness Activist Extraordinaire

She has always been an advocate for LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning/Queer) equality.  Heck, she has taken her children to march with her in the Pride Parade since they were tots!

Ashlee's kids ready for the Pride Parade when they were little

Ash and her son at last summer's Pride Parade, our theme was mermaids :)

And this is Kyawpah (sounds like Jaw Paw).  She is from a people called Karen, from Myanmar (formerly known as Burma)*. 

Kyawpah, all dressed up for a birthday party

8 year old Kyawpah came to America in 2015 and was lucky enough to end up in Ms. Ashlee’s first grade class in Omaha, Nebraska.  She was a quiet student, probably because she didn’t know English.  And she was often an unhappy student.   Her name on the school roster was not Kyawpah (the name she told them was hers) – there was confusion on the first day of school because they could not find her on the official list.  Then it turned out that there was a MALE name for her on the roster, but she calls herself the female name Kyawpah, because the “pah” part means “flower” in her native language. 

Kyawpah came with her family to the USA from a refugee camp.  She would come to school dressed as a boy, but would tell everyone that she was a girl.  She would sit very quietly in class because she knew NO English.

Ashlee worked through a translator to talk with Kyawpah’s parents.  They explained that ever since she was 2 years old, she had been dressing as a girl at the refugee camp.   They had tried to stop her from dressing that way, but couldn’t.  She would sneak out, steal clothes from other girls, and dress how she wanted to.  Her parents requested that the school “fix Kyawpah in the American way” so that she would stop being a girl.  Ashlee, though the translator, told them that they have a beautiful child, and that she is strong willed, determined and persistent.

Kyawpah would often come to school dressed as a boy (as her parents requested) but then peel off layers to reveal secret girl clothes underneath.  When Ashlee would see her in girl clothing she would make sure to compliment her on how beautiful she looked.  Kyawpah knew NO English, couldn’t speak one word, but she knew which bathroom pass was for the girl’s bathroom and she used it often J.  It almost seems to me like that was one way she tried to explain to those around her what she must have been trying to scream – “I AM A GIRL, I can’t tell you in your language, but please help me, I need someone to  support me.  I am a girl!”  The school thought it would be best if she used the bathroom in the nurses office, but Ms. Ashlee would have none of that and fought for little Kyawpah to be able to use the restroom she most identifies with, the girl’s, and won.

Ashlee quickly recognized that if Kyawpah was allowed to identify as a girl she was a MUCH HAPPIER student.  She would hold her head up, interact with other kids, assimilate into the American culture more, and learn.  She has a little nervous tic that comes out when she is forced to dress as a boy, and she was uncomfortable so would just keep her head down.  Ashlee went back to Kyawpah’s home with the translator and explained that to her parents that their child was HAPPIER and functioned better when she was allowed to be who she is.  This time the parents understood and said that their goal is to have a happy child, so they said that they support the school and Kyawpah and no longer force her to dress as a boy.

As Ashlee puts it, “I looked at her like any other child.  She just truly wanted to be HAPPY.  I need to make a successful environment for ALL children, no matter their gender or sexuality, that doesn’t have anything to do with it.  They are HUMAN BEINGS and I need to provide a safe learning environment for them.  That’s what I did for her, just like I would do for any of my students.”

Ashlee and Kyawpah, who is rocking a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt :)

She now comes to school dressed as who she is, and is not forced to hide her girl clothes under layers to peel off.  She loves painted fingernails, make-up, high heels, and skirts.  She uses the female restroom, loves to hang out with her classmates, and is learning some English. 

From what I have seen, Ms. Ashlee is her best friend at school.  Ashlee has done soooo much for her!  The most obvious, of course, is being her advocate with the school system and the parents.  But Ashlee has gone above and beyond to make Kyawpah feel welcomed and happy.  With the parents’ permission, Ash has taken her shopping for clothes, which she loves!!  I got to meet Kyawpah when she was invited to Ashlee’s kids’ birthday party.  Ash had gotten matching outfits for her daughter Tallis and Kyawpah – it was so sweet.  And Tallis let her friend play with the brand new Barbie make-up doll that she got as a birthday present.  You should have seen Kyawpah’s eyes light up when she brushed that Barbie’s long hair.  J

Kyawpah had to move out of Ashlee’s classroom into a second grade class because of her age, but all of the students in Ashlee’s class love and embrace her.  They don’t understand the concept of transgender, but know and accept their friend as a girl.  They have asked Ashlee if she is a boy or a girl, and Ashlee’s response is that they should ask HER directly, but what she feels in her heart is what she is.

Ashlee in her classroom.  She is an amazing teacher.

Ashlee goes and picks Kyawpah up from her house sometimes and keeps her for a few hours, shopping and playing.  Her parents do not know any English yet but are happy that their child has a friend.  They stand in the window, smiling and waving at Ashlee when she comes over.   And Kyawpah is learning more and more English – she can say her A B Cs and, like most little girls her age, loves to sing “Let It Go”  from “Frozen” (which I imagine she has watched a million times…). 

Ashlee recently spoke at a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)* meeting in Omaha to tell Kyawpah’s story.  It was very well received and I am sure inspired and helped the people who were fortunate to hear it.  I wish that there were PFLAG meetings in the Karen language so that Kyawpah’s parents could meet others who have transgender children and understand that they are not alone.    

I worry about what will happen to Kyawpah when Ashlee isn’t there to be her advocate.  Other schools and teachers may not be as accepting or kind.  My wish is that her parents, who see what a difference this acceptance has made in their child’s life, will fight for her rights.  Ashlee explained, “The hard part is, wherever she goes, on paper, she is a male.  Right now everything is hunky dory, she is fine and happy.  But at some point she will go through puberty…  And when she goes to another school, if they identify her as male, kids might harass her…”.  I hope that the children and adults she meets as she grows up will be open minded and accepting.

“The whole thing was, the school administration wanted us to treat her like a male.  The parents wanted us to treat her like a male.  But she wasn’t going to allow it – bottom line.  She wasn’t allowing anyone to treat her like a male, or call her a male.  Or keep her out of the girl’s bathroom. It wasn’t happening.  So without her strong feelings of knowing in her heart and mind that that is what she was, and being new to an American school and culture, it could have been such a devastating experience for her when she got here if it didn’t go the way it did.  But the kind of sickening thing about it is – people were more concerned about what OTHER PARENTS would say over the child’s well being.  That was disheartening…  Because HER HEART and well being is just as important as somebody else’s.  People said, ‘What if parents call and say that there is a boy in the girl’s bathroom??’…   But the thing, many of us have BEEN in the bathroom when there was a transgender person in there.  A transgendered person doesn’t have a SIGN on them that says ‘I am transgender and I am here to go in the opposite sex bathroom’.  They are doing what is right for them.  It is sad that our world still has so much work to do… ”

Ashlee’s advocacy with school officials and Kyawpah’s parents made a huge difference in that little girl’s life.  She is now happy and able to focus and learn.  Her identity is accepted without question and she can be who she is.  She tried to tell the world since she was 2 years old that she was a girl, and when she happened into Ms. Ashlee’s class someone finally heard.

When I told Ash that Kyawpah was lucky to have found her, she choked up and said, “She is not the lucky one, I am lucky to have found HER.”.  I say, they are both lucky and are a perfect match.  Thank you for being such an advocate for equality, Ashlee.  You are most definitely a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.  Your supportive and kind actions with Kyawpah have made a huge difference in not only HER LIFE, but also her parents’ lives and the other students who see your open heart and mind.

For more information about the amazing group PFLAG, see: PFLAG
For more information about caring for LGBTQ youth, see HRC’s helpful site:  HRC link
For more information on the Karen people from Myanmar, see Karen/Myanmar link

Bonus photo for anyone who read allllll the way down here to the bottom!
Here is our whole family at the Pride Parade in Omaha, Nebraska - summer 2015.
 Love is definitely greater than hate.  

DO YOU KNOW A KINDNESS ACTIVIST??  Please tell me about them!  Email me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com.  And click "like" on the Kindness Activist Facebook page, please.