Dear Mrs. Susan

Sometimes Kindness Activist funds are used in pretty simple, straightforward ways.  Purchasing groceries for neighbors in need.  Buying thank you presents for local teachers.  Surprising strangers with a gift.

But other times the money finds its way out into the world to try and right a wrong.  Repair a wound.  Or make a very painful situation just a little bit better.

That’s what happened recently when a young friend reached out with this message,

“Dear Mrs. Susan, 

One of my friend’s dad has brain cancer and today the doctor said that he might only be able to live for a few more weeks. I was wondering if you had any ideas of ways that I could make my friend feel better and not as sad. Thank you so much for your help.”

My heart ached. 

I knew the dad that she was talking about.  He was our neighbor, a very cool man who had the exact same diagnosis that my sister had a few years ago.  When I had read that he had glioblastoma (GBM) and that his wife was asking for help, David and I pitched in.  They needed rides for him to get him to and from the seemingly endless appointments that come with a GBM diagnosis – doctor visits, radiation, nutritionist…  We signed up for some shifts of transportation, and Kindness Activist donated $100 to the GoFundMe for the family.

And now my young friend was reaching out asking for ideas of how to help her friend, the man’s child, “feel better and not so sad”.  Oh, it is all so hard.

I replied to the email: “I know your friend’s dad, too.  It makes me very sad that the dr said the tumors have spread.  You probably don't know this, but my big sister Annette died of the same kind of cancer.  When your friend’s dad was first diagnosed, Mr. David and I drove him to some doctor visits for appointments.  Kindness Activist also donated to the Go Fund Me.  I like your idea of finding a way to help your friend feel better and not so sad.  Do you have any ideas what we could do for them?  

I mean, we could do something like take them out for ice cream and a movie...  Or to a play (I think they love plays, right?).  But honestly, in my experience with my sister, they might not want to be away from their dad much right now.  Knowing that there is not much time left makes you want to be sure to be there for every moment you can (in some people - maybe your friend is not like that, obviously everyone is different).  Do they like to read?  I know their mom does.

Let me know if you have some ideas, ok?  You are so smart and caring and kind.  I know the MOST important thing now is for you to be their FRIEND.  They are likely very scared and sad.  Please write me back and let me know if you have some ideas.”

We went back and forth via email for a bit and settled on a gift basket.  I would take my friend to Target, and she would choose items that she knew her friend liked.  It seemed like a solid plan. 

Until he died before we could get the gift basket together.

It was so sad.  I suspected that my young friend had not experience a lot of death or grief – not many children have.  And I imagined how frightened she must be.  I mean, if your friend’s dad can die, doesn’t that point out the vulnerability of your own father? 

She emailed again – she had seen the news about his death.  I think we both felt awful that we had not been able to make time to get the basket together, but we set a date to go shopping and her mom came along.

This child was so THOUGHTFUL.  I mean, I know that she is kind and caring, but she was so careful in choosing what to buy.  She looked over all of the candy before making selections.  She carefully debated which type of popcorn would be best, which drink (“I know she loves tea!”).  She chose a nice journal, then we debated which pens would be best and examined all of the choices.  She chose a perfect basket to put everything in.  And to finish it off – a gift card for Fortnite, which she knew her friend loved.

We checked out, they dropped me back at home.  She added a note she had written for her friend and they went to deliver the basket.  She had a plan: put the basket in front of the door, get back in her car, and text the family to let them know it was there. 

It wasn’t long before I got another email,

“Dear Mrs. Susan,

When we dropped of the gift basket I put it on their step, knocked and then ran to my car. Their sister answered the door gave two thumbs ups and a heart. After my friend messaged me and said “omg thank you!!” And sent some emojis I said “I hope you like it” and they said “I do!” I think that they really appreciated it. Thank you again for letting us use kindness money.”

Will some candy, snacks, a journal, and Fortnite make the pain go away?

No. 

But maybe it will be a reminder that the child is not alone.  That their friends are there for them, ready to listen when they want to talk. 

Because that is what friends are for.

Heart emoji.

Kindness Activist funds used:  $74.89

Worth every penny.

From Babies to Birds (And So Much More)

I have not written any stories recently of how Kindness Activist funds have been used.  I am sorry about that!  I guess I DO have a good reason – I have been busy with Kindness Activist work!

But I will pause this evening to tell the stories of how some funds have been used.  After all, that is one of the main premises of Kindness Activist – if we talk openly about kindness and share kind acts we see, do, or receive – we can spread kindness ripples.  Those ripples will continue to spread when people inspired by the stories we share go out into the world and spread some kindness of their own!  Ripple, ripple, ripple…

Here is how some Kindness Activist funds have been used.

Having a baby, the first baby, is exciting!  But it can also be scary and lonely, especially if your family lives in a different country and you and your partner are not surrounded by aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents, and cousins.  So, when a woman in our community was expecting her first child, a sweet friend planned a baby shower.  We collected many amazing donations of items from neighbors – stroller, car seat, blankets, clothing, diapers, wipes, books, toys – it was beautiful!  So many kind donations.  One thing that we did not get was a changing pad that the organizer thought would last long enough.  Som Kindness Activist pitched in for that. 

I am happy to report that the baby arrived December 11^th and is doing well (so is mamma).  It takes a village, and this little infant will have that.

Welcome to the world little one

 Kindness Activist funds used:  $25.43

  

Sometimes, it’s the little things.  Acts of kindness don’t have to be pricey, nor do they have to be grand gestures.  Even small acts of kindness can make a person feel special.  And that’s why Kindness Activist refilled a neighbor’s bird food supply recently when he ran out.  He feeds the birds everyday, it gives him joy.  And is on a limited budget.  He was happy to get some food for his friends!

 

Kindness Activist funds used:  $10.27

 

December is an ultra-busy month here at Kindness Activist.  We have a countdown to Christmas calendar on our front that has treats for kids everyday from December 1 – 24, we host a community caroling event, and our BIG annual project, The Santa Project, is all-consuming. 

 

One evening we were at Target buying gifts for the Santa Project and fun things to put on top of the wrapped gifts.  We used a gift card when we check out, and it just so happened that it had a strange amount left on it.  “We will pay $68.96 with a gift card, credit card for the rest,” we explained to the cashier.  “Wow!!  $68.96?  I wish I had a gift card worth that much!” she said as she smiled at us.  We chatted a bit and finished up.

Only, we were not finished.  My partner David said, “Hey, wouldn’t it be fun…” and our plan was hatched!  We checked with a manager to make sure it would not get the cashier into any trouble if we gave her a gift card, then went through another aisle and purchased a gift card for the exact same amount as ours had been - $68.96.  Then we got back in line with the first cashier.

I look exhausted here, and we were only 8 days into 
the calendar and a looong way from the end of 
the Santa Project :) 

She saw us waiting and I noticed a look of slight panic on her face.  When it was our turn, she said, “Is something wrong?  Did I ring something twice??”, looking worried.  “Oh no, just the opposite!” we said before we started “serenading” her with a carol.    

She was so happy and she couldn’t believe her luck.  We saw her again a few days later and she remembered us.  I asked if she had used the gift card yet. “Nope, I am saving it to buy gifts for my family!” she said.

Kindness ripples.  We were kind to her, and she will be kind to her family.  The ripples flow.

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $68.96

 

The Washington DC Metro is a very diverse, welcoming, and growing area.  Immigrants arrive from countries all over the world – hoping to make the United States of America their home.  Recently, a mother and her sweet daughter came to the US from Cameroon right before the little 5th girl’s birthday.

 

Neighbors helped to find furniture for the apartment to make it more like a home, clothes for them, art supplies for the girl, and get them generally settled in.  But birthdays are special, so a sweet neighbor organized a little birthday party in a neighborhood park. 

 

It turned out to be a beautiful sunny day in September and the children laughed and played and ran around the park.  The birthday girl looked beautiful in her fancy attire, and the celebration was grand.  Kindness Activist pitched in for pizza and little gifts for guests. 

 

Welcome to America, little friend.  May every birthday be full of delight and wonder.

Unicorns, pizza, and much more

Kindness Activist funds used:  $97.87

I was having an online conversation one evening and the person on the other end typed this, “I am trying to save money for a trip back to the Midwest, where my mom lives.  She is in a nursing home.  She’s been diagnosed with end stage dementia and being looked after by my brother and sister who still live nearby.  Our mom is 89 and we don’t know what the future holds.  I am trying to save money for a round trip ticket to attend her death, which grieves me, but I’m here on the East Coast and she is in the Midwest.  It’s a different world.”

 

As soon as I read the message, I knew Kindness Activist would buy an airline ticket.  My mom died in 2002 and I was fortunate to get to spend lots and lots of time with her (in the Midwest) during the last year of her life.  We traveled, we laughed, we danced, we talked, and we were all around her as she took her last breaths. I realize that is a privilege that many do not have, but I wanted to ensure that this person could at least go see their mother while she was still alive.

 

So, Kindness Activist offered to cover the airfare.  As we were working out logistics, the person told me, “Susan, I would so much like to see my mom again before she dies. I love her so much, and she always loved me.  I will with so much gratitude accept the Kindness ticket…  I’ve been saving to return for a funeral visit and grieving that I can’t make another live visit.  This would be another star in my heaven.”

 

When they returned to Arlington, they wrote to me, “I am home!  I got in late last night, but with the memory if a sweet reunion!  I’m pleased to report that although my mom’s memory is fading, she recognized me instantly,”. 

What an honor to be able to grant a visit with a loved one.  Because of amazing support from people around the country, Kindness Activist could make this wish happen.  (And, if I may “preach” a bit here, please visit YOUR mother if you still have one.  Write her a card or letter and mail it via the good old fashioned postal service.  Call and talk to her on the phone.  Mothers don’t last forever here on earth, only in our hearts.  So please make sure you tell yours that you love her today.

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $368.80

 

 

P.S. – stories of the 2023 Countdown Calendar and the Santa Project coming soon!

We Never Know

I had a reminder one recent afternoon that life is short.  And that people are experiencing things that we cannot see from the outside, and we should treat everyone with kindness and respect.

I was in the dining room and heard my partner David talking to someone on the front porch.  That is not unusual – we have people drop by often to bring items for the Little Yellow Free Pantry or to pick up something we are giving away or just to stop and chat.  I peeked outside to see who he was talking to, and saw it was a woman with a large bag at her feet.

I popped outside to join them.  The woman explained that she had some clothing to donate – men’s clothes, and some shoes.  Immediately I envisioned the current state of our attic – filled to the brim with donated clothing that was supposed to be sold at this summer’s Kindness Fundraiser Yard Sale, but the event was postponed until next spring due to rain.

“Ahhh…” I mumbled, thinking, “How do I explain that we are not accepting clothing donations right now without being rude?”. 

“Your husband explained that you aren’t taking donations right now.  That’s ok,” she said quietly.

I gave her the usual spiel about how the sale was cancelled this summer so we are way over-stocked.  She listened, then said, “I understand…  I spent all afternoon getting this together…”.

Those moments are hard.  What to say?

Then she quietly said, “My husband just died,” and the tears started to flow.

Ahhh – these were her husband’s clothes.  She had spent all afternoon sorting and folding and bagging his things.  If she is anything like me, she probably held the shirts close, sniffed them, remembered where she had seen him wear them…

The situation had changed. 

This woman was giving not only to help others, but to help herself heal. 

I asked permission to hug her and she gladly accepted.  David and I said that of course, we would love the clothing and boots.  She was uncomfortable with that – we had made it clear that we are not accepting things right now.  But given this circumstance – of COURSE we would accept the gifts.

We helped her unload her car and I asked questions about her husband.  I didn’t want to make her more sad or be nosy, but I figured if the tables were turned I would wish for opportunities to tell people about David.

He was only 70 years old.  Had a physical just a few days before he died.  They were on vacation – first one in a long time due to Covid.  She had just retired a couple of months earlier…  And he died very quickly.  Paramedics worked an hour to revive him, but he was gone.

We stood in the frigid air and talked a few minutes.  She is very much like me – no children, no family in the area.  And now alone.  In a house full of her love of 40 years possessions.

We don’t know what anyone is going through.  Be gentle with one another.  And celebrate every moment you have on earth. 

Mysterious, Generous, Beautiful Kindness

Kindness Activist learned of a death in the “family” today. 

I am sorry to share that the beloved, magical, and mysterious E.A. Raven has died.

E.A. Raven was what could be called the “patron saint” of Kindness Activist.  She contributed so much over the last 10 months.

And yet – she remained a mystery. 

We never met.  I was never sure how she had found out about our work. 

But she was one of the most enthusiastic supporters ever.

I think it all started in December of 2022.  The annual Santa Project was underway – an event that invites children to write and mail letters to the North Pole right from our house in South Arlington, Virginia.  In 2022, 229 letters were written to Santa.  And each and every one of those children who wrote received a personal letter from Santa and at least one gift that they had asked for (most kids got 2 or 3 things).

The Santa Project is a herculean task, and last year I harnessed the power of the people and ASKED FOR HELP.  I made an Amazon wish list with things the letter writers were asking for and shared the link to the list.

That’s when the magic started.

Packages started arriving with Amazon notes signed “E.A. Raven”.  And not just one package, no, the mystery donor granted wish after wish after wish.  I was astounded and oh so thankful.

But the deliveries didn’t stop after Christmas was over.  Instead, they became even more frequent…  E.A. Raven would send food and toiletries to help stock the Little Yellow Free Pantry, a pantry outside our home that helps neighbors experiencing food insecurity make ends meet.  E.A. Raven followed the wish list for the Little Yellow Pantry and sent so, so, so many wonderful things.

One thing I loved about her gifts for the pantry is that she was not judgmental in the least.  Many people who donate food wouldn’t think to donate something “extravagant” like jelly or cake frosting or cookies.  But E.A. Raven and I agreed – everybody deserves good food, and that includes a treat now and then.  Food pantries shouldn’t be just cans of tuna and green beans.

She and I developed a friendship, I like to think.  A friendship, even though we never met. 

And even though I didn’t know who this beautiful human was. 

I don’t know how she found out about Kindness Activist.  Maybe she saw the story on CBS News?  Maybe she read a piece in the Washington Post?  However she heard about our mission, she was 100% on board and supported our work with a passion.

I didn’t have any way to communicate with E.A. Raven.  Well, no way except to scan the codes on the Amazon gift notes included in the boxes and write her thank you notes.  I loved writing them.  I would thank her for whatever she sent, then sometimes tell her about the weather we were having.  Remind her how grateful we were for her donations.  Sometimes my messages were too long (there is a character limit to Amazon thank you s) and I would have to write “cont” on one and write more on the next note. 

I tried to get some details from her, to solve the mystery.  I wanted to send her a Kind Is Cool t-shirt – asked her size and where to send it.  No reply. 

 

I must confess that my friends and I were a bit obsessed about this stranger.  We fantasized about who this wonderful woman must be.  At first, we thought she was using a nom de plume – after all – E. A. Raven sounds a bit like Edgar Allen (Poe), author of The Raven…

 

I resorted to Googling her.  I found a Facebook page that I thought was hers that was meant to showcase her writing, but it was closed.  Still, I sent a message.  No response. 

 

I found some information online about a person who I thought was her…  Perhaps this was her – a woman who held a patent…

 

But really, the mystery was part of the allure.  Not knowing who she was somehow made the boxes and boxes and boxes that arrived full of donations even more special.

 

A few months ago, one of the notes included with a donation explained that she was going to be in the hospital having a procedure done.  I was worried, as were the members of the Pantry Crew.  We wanted to send her flowers and a get well card.  I asked again for her address in a thank you, no reply.

 

She didn’t send any donations for about a month after the surgery.  We were nervous – was she ok??? 

 

Because you see, it was not the donations we were missing.  It was our friend.  Our far away, never before seen, mysterious magical friend.

 

She sent a few more things.  She included a sweet note that said she was in rehab now and it was difficult to order off Amazon using her phone.  I wished on a star for her to get well.

 

Today I got an email from another stranger, E.A. Raven’s sister.  She broke the news: “My sister Betty Raven loved donating items to your charity.  Sadly, she passed a week ago.  I wanted to inform you so that you understand why she stopped donating.”

 

I cried.  Cried for a woman I had never met but was so very thankful for.  I asked her sister when the memorial service would be because I hoped I could take time to go and honor her.  Sadly, the services have already happened.  And strangely, she died on Mary Day, the anniversary of my mom’s death in 2002.

 

Her sister sent a link to the obituary.  It was not until her death that I found out exactly who E.A. Raven was.  And boy oh boy, was she a powerhouse.  She paved the way for women who followed in her footsteps.  I wish I could have met her.  I think we would’ve gotten along swimmingly.

 

Rest in peace, E.A. Raven.  You brightened our lives with your mystery.  You made us smile with your sweet notes.  You taught us that we can be friends with those we have never met.  You fed many, many people in this community.  You were a shining example of KINDNESS. 

 

Thank you.

Here is a link to her inspirational obituary:  E.A. Raven

What Would Carol Do?

My heart is sad today.  A ray of kindness has gone out. 

Our neighbor, Carol, passed away last night.  She was a sweet, caring, KIND woman, and the neighborhood simply will not be the same without her.

The story of Carol's kindness, just one small act of kindness of the many that she put out into the world, can be seen here:  Carol's Coke Kindness

I was honored to spend time with Carol over this last month, and one thing I noticed is that she kept her official Kindness Activist button pinned to a little curtain in her home.  It made me smile every time I saw it.

Please do me a favor:  go out today and BE KIND.  Spread kindness.  And if you could do one kind thing in Carol's name, it would make a world of difference. 

Thank you. 

And Carol, you will be missed.

P.S - As the original story of Carol's kindness mentioned, if you see someone working hard today, think, "What would Carol do?" and bring them a cold Coke (or, if you are in a cold climate, a cup of coffee or hot cocoa!).