I am a member of a Facebook group for people who have had a sibling die. Way back in April, I posted this:
“I live in South Arlington, VA, near Arlington National Cemetery. It is a beautiful place, and I sometimes go there to visit the gravesites of my in-laws.
Do you have a sibling
buried there, but you do not live near enough to visit? If so, I would love to
visit their gravesite for you and leave a flower. I would send you a photo.
Just let me know. My
sister is buried too far away for me to go visit, so I understand the feeling
of wishing you could stop by but you can't.”
The way I look at it,
living near the capital of the country is a privilege, and I try to use that
privilege to help others when possible. So,
if I could use an hour or two of my time to visit the grave of a loved one and
help someone feel even a tiny bit better, well then, I consider that time well
spent.
A person who lives in
California commented on my post. She said:
“I know it’s a bit further than
Arlington National Cemetery but would you be willing to go to the police
officers’ memorial for me and leave a flower?”.
Of course I said yes.
It has been 2 ½ months since
that “yes”, and it has been weighing heavily on my mental to-do list. So, this morning I decided that today was the
day. I was off of work, the sun was
shining, and I had a plan - go to Trader Joe’s and buy a dozen roses. I would use one of those roses to decorate
the woman’s brother’s space on the memorial.
Great plan. But what to do with the other 11 roses?
Another plan – GIVE THOSE
AWAY TO STRANGERS.
Now let me tell you
this. As much as I like to talk
to strangers, offering them gifts out of the blue is a bit scary. It just is not something that is normally
done in our culture. So, when you do it,
you have to have thick skin and be ready for rejection, because not everyone is
going to take you up on your offer, no matter what you are giving away. Trust me on this one, I have learned that
lesson.
Anyway, step one: TRADER JOE’S FOR ROSES.
But which roses?? There were so many!
Of course, there were
classic red roses.
Pink ones.
White.
Oh, the coral ones that I always
love.
And yellow. Bright yellow…
Today is Juneteenth, and
there is some yellow/gold associated with that holiday. So, even though I wouldn’t usually choose the
yellow roses, today for some reason I did.
I checked out and then went
to my “station”: I stood outside the door of the grocery store.
My plan was to offer roses
to people as they left. I thought giving
them to people coming IN would be awkward – where do you keep a rose while you
shop, and would it be confusing trying to explain to the cashier that it was
already paid for by some random stranger?
So, target EXIT-ERS.
As I got the roses out of
the cellophane and awkwardly stood alone in the sunshine, I felt uncomfortable… Rejection was right around the corner. Why do I put myself in those
situations? Flashbacks of the people
thinking David and I were complete weird-os for offering them free pie on Pi
Day…
Push through. The sun is shining. You have ROSES TO GIVE AWAY!
I smiled at a woman as she
was coming out of the store and held out a rose. “Here!
Would you like a flower?” I think I said, I can’t remember (see above –
this can be a bit stressful…).
She smiled and took the
flower. Then she did something that
really surprised me – she called me by name!
“Susan? I know you!!” she said.
Turns out, she and I are in
the same Buy Nothing group and she recognized me! What are the chances that the very first
person I offered a flower to actually knew me?
Well then, rose number one
given away and it went so well, I felt more comfortable. I held out flowers and smiled, everyone
except one person smiled back and accepted the gift. One woman was especially happy and said that
yellow is her favorite color.
I was focusing on women,
but I decided to try a man. I mean, the
worst that could happen is he said no, right?
“Excuse me sir, would you like a rose?”.
He smiled awkwardly and
shook his head no.
I countered, “Maybe you
have someone that you would like to give it to???”.
The awkward smile was
replaced by a genuine one as he accepted the gift. “Why yes!
Yes. I do!” he said.
The woman from Buy Nothing
returned and asked if she could take a photo of the stranger and I. She later posted it in the group, saying, “Our
very own Kindness Activist, Susan Thompson Gaines, once again spreading joy in
the form of roses to unsuspecting shoppers. 
”
How sweet!
I gave away 10 roses and
decided to keep 2 to bring to the Police Officers’ Memorial. I had never been and wasn’t sure what it
would look like, so maybe 2 roses would be needed.
We waited out a huge
summer storm, then went into DC. The Memorial
is beautiful – similar to the one for Vietnam.
Names of fallen officers are etched in stone and a beautiful fountain
was flowing. The woman whose brother is
honored there had told me which section to look in, and it didn’t take long to
find his name.
Doing kind acts like this
one is truly an honor. I looked up the
man’s name in a directory at the site and learned that he died recently,
2023. I thought about him and wondered
about his life. Who, besides his sister,
did he leave behind… I tried to make a
rubbing of the name to send to the woman, but everything was still wet from the
rain so it didn’t work.
As we were getting ready
to go, I noticed 3 people across the way.
They seemed focused on one spot on the wall. I guessed that they were likely there to
honor a loved one who had died.
“Let’s take one of the
roses and walk that way,” I said to David.
“If they don’t already have a flower, we can give them this one.”
Off we went, ready to hand
the 11th rose to a stranger.
As we approached, I saw
that they had taped a photo of their loved one above his name. He was young, as were the 2 children standing
near us who had lost their father. They
looked like they were young teens.
I commented on how nice
the photo was. I asked if they would
like a rose to leave at the site and held it out.
The woman raised her hand
to take it, but had a bit of a surprised look on her face.
“A YELLOW ROSE. Yellow. That is what he always gave me! I don’t like red roses, he always gave me yellow…”.
The children smiled and
repeated, “A YELLOW ROSE!”.
That’s when I knew why the
yellow flowers called my name. It was as
if somehow the fallen officer was giving his love a rose again.
They thanked us. We took some photos for them and said
goodbye.
Roses for strangers.
Strangers outside the
grocery store.
A stranger from the internet.
And a stranger who lost her
husband.
Yes, roses for strangers.
That was the best $11.65 of
Kindness Activist funds that I have spent in a very long time.
P.S. - I love to imagine all of the kindness ripples that took place today because of these flowers and this kindness... The woman who did not get a flower because I didn't have one left to offer her, but still came up to me and said, "I saw what you were doing. That was very, very kind...". The man who was brave enough to take the flower from a stranger, who no doubt re-told the story of how he had it when he passed it on to his loved one. The family at the memorial who are likely telling all their friends about the mysterious yellow rose... And the woman whose brother was honored at the memorial. Kindness ripples all around. Gives me goosebumps.
