Relationship Kindness

So, today was the last day I was going to write a short piece about kindness for the week.  I had set a goal – one piece per day – and this was to be IT.

But the day is practically over, and I had not been inspired.  When I thought about it, I panicked a little.  I didn’t want to “fail” at this easy goal.  But if there was no kindness to write about that happened today, then no kindness story, right??

Then I realized something:  how my partner David and I treat one another is KIND.

I think of it as just “us” – I mean – it is just the way we are, the way we interact.  We have been together for 29 years, it is just “how we do”.  I don’t think either of us consciously does kind acts for the other, they just sort of happen. 

Here are the examples I thought of today:  last night I set my alarm super early.  I am NOT a morning person, but I always love it when I can get to the beach and watch sunrise.  I love it, I just don’t DO IT, because I hate waking up so early.  But last night I decided, today was the day, I would wake up and walk to the beach to watch the glorious sunrise.

Then this morning the alarm went off…

And all of the sudden, the whole idea of watching the sunrise didn’t seem that great.  It seemed downright silly, really.  And the pull of the toasty bed was very strong.  So strong, in fact, that after I turned off the dumb alarm I crawled right back into bed and announced I would watch sunrise “another day”.

David doesn’t enjoy mornings, either.  And he isn’t even all that into sunrises (crazy, no???).  But he knows I LOVE THEM.  So, do you know what he did??  Even though it was MY plan, and I don’t even think he was originally planning to get up and go to the beach this morning, he crawled out of bed and said, “Let’s go watch the sun rise today”. 

He was kind.

That was all I needed – the little nudge to get my lazy bones out of bed, throw on some clothes, and walk to the beach.  He went with me, and it was as lovely as I expected.  (Not to mention we just crawled right back into bed after we came home.)

Why don't I get up early EVERY MORNING to watch this?  

Then, this evening, it came time for him to do something HE enjoys – trimming the trees and bushes.  This is a chore he really likes.  The limbs and brush are picked up every Tuesday and David always wants to have a nice neat pile out there waiting to be collected.  But he hadn’t done any trimming this week and we are planning to be out most of the day tomorrow, so really, this evening was his last chance for the week.  So out he went – chop, chop, chop.

We had just come back from the beach and showered.  I was nice and clean.  I had on clean clothes.  Honestly, the last thing I wanted to do was start hauling branches around to the front of the house to make the pile.  But I did it, without being asked.  I was kind.  And I know David appreciated it.  He isn’t the type of person to ask for help, but that “division of duties” – him trim and me lug – works well for yard work, and I was glad to pitch in.

David taking out an old, dead bush.  He loves that stuff!

January morning - David, in his jammies, watering Trixie (our fruit cocktail tree!)

So there.  Thinking about those 2 things reminded me that kindness doesn’t even have to be a deliberate act.  Kindness can just be something that is sort of “built into” your actions, your relationships, your communication. 

Sunrise selfie 

The colors of sunrise amaze and delight me

Thanks for sharing this week of “small kindnesses” with me.  More kindness – large and small – to follow in this blog.  Be on the lookout for kindness and please share it with me!!  I would love more examples to share with the world!  Email me at:  kindnessactivist@gmail.com

Stranger Kindness

We are not rich people.  Rich in fun – yes.  Rich is experiences – YES.  But “rich” in the traditional way that most people define the term – ummm, no.  So even though I am all about spreading the kindness around, most of the time our kindness is not the type that involves money.  For example, we donate TIME to National Public Radio (answering phones in the fund drives) instead of donating actual FUNDS. 

But recently I switched it up.  I wanted to see what would happen if I surprised a stranger by gifting them something that, to me, is important:  A CHRISTMAS TREE.  I was nervous about it for some reason, but went for it.  Here is how it went down.

We went to Walmart mid-December to buy our Christmas tree. They were $22, which, although not expensive, was more than I remembered them being last year.  We didn’t get one on that first outing but went back a few days later to choose.  When we got there we were surprised to find that they were marked down to half price!! 

HALF PRICE CHRISTMAS TREEEEES!

Well, we had expected to spend $22 bucks on a tree, so I decided to keep with that expectation, but buy TWO TREES – one for us, and one for complete strangers. 

It was so bizarre.  I had to convince myself (out loud) that this was the right thing to do.  Then I had to convince my partner David!!  I rationalized it by saying things like, “It’s only $11.  I mean, that’s not a lot, right??” and “Surely someone else will come in tonight that hasn’t gotten a tree yet, don’t you think???” and “If we do not see someone to give it to, I can always just take the receipt up to Customer Service, explain the situation, and they will give me the money back, don’t you think?”.  Maybe I was trying to rationalize it to myself or to prepare myself if it all back-fired.

Anyway, I paid for two trees.  David delivered one to our car.  Then we set about finding someone to gift the second tree to.

Two trees....

We waited.

And waited.

It got chilly.  The trees were outside in the Garden Department, and even though we were in Florida the temperatures were cool enough that we should have had jackets on.  David went back to the car and got a blanket and I pulled out two lawn chairs for us to sit on. 

David in "waiting" position

And we waited some more.

Shhhhh - a gift of a Christmas tree!

A couple of people walked in the Garden Center entrance, and I could feel my nerves, excitement, and concern building.  Were these the right people to gift the tree to???  How would I know?  Would I offend them if I offered?  Would they think I was nuts?  Should I do it??? 

Drat – they weren’t looking for trees… 

More people came in, and they seemed to maybe be looking at trees…  But should I approach them??  They seemed to have plenty of money to buy a tree of their own…

And that’s when I started to consider my actions…  Was I “judging” who I would gift this to?  Did someone have to “qualify” for my kindness by meeting some unwritten/unconscious “standards” I must have had floating around in my head??  Oh my, the whole idea seemed to be getting worse and worse every moment.  I thought about just giving up, going in the store and getting what we needed and leaving.  But we stuck it out a bit longer.

And that’s when a couple walked in.  A couple.  No kids.  Didn’t look poor, didn’t look rich.  Probably in their late 20s, early 30s.  They were definitely looking at CHRISTMAS TREES.

So I did it!  I mustered my courage, sprung up out of my lawn chair, and approached, “Are you shopping for a CHRISTMAS TREE tonight?” I asked. 

“Yeah, yeah we are.” 

“Great!  We would like to give you one.”

Silence.  Smiles. 

“What?”

“Listen, we also got our tree tonight.  And we are glad we are not the last ones in town still looking for a tree.  And we just wanted to share a tree with someone, and it is you!  Can we give you a tree?”

“WHY SURE!!!” – big smiles. 

It worked!  They were happy!!  They were thrilled.  They were grateful.

They chose their tree and thanked us several times.  The man had the hardest time understanding the concept of what we were doing, and when it finally sank in he said, “OH!!  So you BOUGHT this tree for us??!!!  That is so cool.  We are going to PAY THIS FORWARD!  We will!  We will pay it forward!”. 

                                            

We exchanged hugs – right there in the Walmart Garden Department, hugs with strangers.  We exchanged “Merry Christmas”es.  Then we all went about our lives.

We saw them later in the grocery part of the store – they saw us first.  “Merry Christmas – thanks again!!!” they said.

Here is what our tree looked like after we got it home and decorated it

So we spread a little Christmas kindness.  Sure, it was only $11 of Christmas kindness, but it was accepted as if it were worth hundreds.  J  It was worth the angst, worry, self-examination, and definitely worth the money. 

What sort of kindness will YOU spread today?

Fun bonus Christmas photo - us as Mary and Joseph at the DRIVE THRU BETHLEHEM in Daytona Beach, Florida - complete with LIVE FARM ANIMALS!!