Dear Mrs. Susan

Sometimes Kindness Activist funds are used in pretty simple, straightforward ways.  Purchasing groceries for neighbors in need.  Buying thank you presents for local teachers.  Surprising strangers with a gift.

But other times the money finds its way out into the world to try and right a wrong.  Repair a wound.  Or make a very painful situation just a little bit better.

That’s what happened recently when a young friend reached out with this message,

“Dear Mrs. Susan, 

One of my friend’s dad has brain cancer and today the doctor said that he might only be able to live for a few more weeks. I was wondering if you had any ideas of ways that I could make my friend feel better and not as sad. Thank you so much for your help.”

My heart ached. 

I knew the dad that she was talking about.  He was our neighbor, a very cool man who had the exact same diagnosis that my sister had a few years ago.  When I had read that he had glioblastoma (GBM) and that his wife was asking for help, David and I pitched in.  They needed rides for him to get him to and from the seemingly endless appointments that come with a GBM diagnosis – doctor visits, radiation, nutritionist…  We signed up for some shifts of transportation, and Kindness Activist donated $100 to the GoFundMe for the family.

And now my young friend was reaching out asking for ideas of how to help her friend, the man’s child, “feel better and not so sad”.  Oh, it is all so hard.

I replied to the email: “I know your friend’s dad, too.  It makes me very sad that the dr said the tumors have spread.  You probably don't know this, but my big sister Annette died of the same kind of cancer.  When your friend’s dad was first diagnosed, Mr. David and I drove him to some doctor visits for appointments.  Kindness Activist also donated to the Go Fund Me.  I like your idea of finding a way to help your friend feel better and not so sad.  Do you have any ideas what we could do for them?  

I mean, we could do something like take them out for ice cream and a movie...  Or to a play (I think they love plays, right?).  But honestly, in my experience with my sister, they might not want to be away from their dad much right now.  Knowing that there is not much time left makes you want to be sure to be there for every moment you can (in some people - maybe your friend is not like that, obviously everyone is different).  Do they like to read?  I know their mom does.

Let me know if you have some ideas, ok?  You are so smart and caring and kind.  I know the MOST important thing now is for you to be their FRIEND.  They are likely very scared and sad.  Please write me back and let me know if you have some ideas.”

We went back and forth via email for a bit and settled on a gift basket.  I would take my friend to Target, and she would choose items that she knew her friend liked.  It seemed like a solid plan. 

Until he died before we could get the gift basket together.

It was so sad.  I suspected that my young friend had not experience a lot of death or grief – not many children have.  And I imagined how frightened she must be.  I mean, if your friend’s dad can die, doesn’t that point out the vulnerability of your own father? 

She emailed again – she had seen the news about his death.  I think we both felt awful that we had not been able to make time to get the basket together, but we set a date to go shopping and her mom came along.

This child was so THOUGHTFUL.  I mean, I know that she is kind and caring, but she was so careful in choosing what to buy.  She looked over all of the candy before making selections.  She carefully debated which type of popcorn would be best, which drink (“I know she loves tea!”).  She chose a nice journal, then we debated which pens would be best and examined all of the choices.  She chose a perfect basket to put everything in.  And to finish it off – a gift card for Fortnite, which she knew her friend loved.

We checked out, they dropped me back at home.  She added a note she had written for her friend and they went to deliver the basket.  She had a plan: put the basket in front of the door, get back in her car, and text the family to let them know it was there. 

It wasn’t long before I got another email,

“Dear Mrs. Susan,

When we dropped of the gift basket I put it on their step, knocked and then ran to my car. Their sister answered the door gave two thumbs ups and a heart. After my friend messaged me and said “omg thank you!!” And sent some emojis I said “I hope you like it” and they said “I do!” I think that they really appreciated it. Thank you again for letting us use kindness money.”

Will some candy, snacks, a journal, and Fortnite make the pain go away?

No. 

But maybe it will be a reminder that the child is not alone.  That their friends are there for them, ready to listen when they want to talk. 

Because that is what friends are for.

Heart emoji.

Kindness Activist funds used:  $74.89

Worth every penny.

There are a million things one could reasonably say I “should” be doing right now.

But I shall cast those “should”s aside, and instead sit down and write a short story of something magical that happened this week.

May 15^th is my sister Annette’s birthday. 

Actually, some might find it is awkward to say “is”, because most people would say  “was”.  You see, my sister died of glioblastoma (GBM) in December 2019 at the age of 58.  But I say – I am the mourning sister, I can chose to use language in whatever form I see fit. 

So, May 15^th is my sister Annette’s birthday. 

And I chose to celebrate the day by thinking of her and doing things that she enjoyed.

I hit up a local thrift store that was new to me – she LOVED thrift shopping!  And not only did she enjoy it, she was good at it.  There is an art to real thrift shopping, and she was an artist in the highest degree.  And she didn’t shop just “normal” thrift stores, oh no, she shopped at what we call the “junky Goodwill”!!  That’s a store where instead of paying per ITEM, you pay per POUND.  “Treasures” are wheeled out every 30 minutes or so in huge bins, and shoppers go at them like hungry vultures.

Find a Scrabble game missing the board?  She could find it in another bin.

Find a baby toy with 4 out of 5 pieces??  Not to worry – Annette would scour the store until the game was complete.

And find A SHOE – not a pair of shoes, but A SHOE??  You can bet that my sister would find the mate.  (She might even stare down another shopper who was on the same mission and had the mate in THEIR cart…)

I tell you this to say – when I was at the thrift shop and found a single shoe, a shoe that I DID NOT WANT, mind you, but was ON IT’S OWN (and was strangely interesting…) – I STARTED MY HUNT.  I knew the mate was around there somewhere!  I mean, who would’ve bought only ONE SHOE???

I even enlisted the aid of a fellow shopper.  “Ma’am, you see this shoe??  I am looking for the mate!  Can you help me?” I asked.  “Oh honey, those shoes are so YOU!” she said, not knowing that my motive was not to buy the shoes, but simply to succeed in the mission of finding the other one.  Since the shoes had rocks embedded all throughout the sole, I told my assistant to please holler “ROCK!!!” if she spied the mate.

As I looked, I smiled and thought of Annette.  It wouldn’t have taken her nearly as long as it did me to think of hunting in the men’s shoe section.  And when she found it (as I eventually did, then ran with it to yell “roooock!!” at the shopper who was helping me hunt) – when SHE found it, she would’ve bought the shoes.  But since they were much too big for me, and since they looked like actual torture devices, I left them in the store (all matched up neatly now).

But that is not the story I came here to tell. 

I want to share about another part of May 15^th, the part where I went into a nail salon as Kindness Activist to pay for a stranger’s nails.

You see, Annette went to nail school and for a while she did manicures and pedicures.  And decades before that, during my senior year of high school she used toothpicks to paint intricate designs on my long nails many, many times.  So as part of my celebration honoring her birthday, I knew that paying for someone’s nails was on the agenda.

I peeked into the big window of the nail salon near our home.  I felt a sense of panic when there appeared to be NO customers.  This was the one thing I knew I wanted to do on May 15^th.  It was a perfect blend of Annette and me – her nails and my Kindness Activist work.  I walked around a bit and peeked in another window, craning my neck to see the spa chairs. 

And there she was!!!!  A woman with her feet in the water, about to get a pedicure! 

I was so excited.  I had written a little note on the back of a Kindness Activist card that I thought I would give to the recipient as I paid and ask her to give it to the client.  The note said something about how this gift was in honor of my sister who did nails. 

I went to the cash register and explained that I wanted to pay for the woman’s nails.  “What woman?” the clerk asked. 

I thought, ummm, the only woman in here right now???

 

But she insisted that I identify what woman, and so I followed her back to the nail area, expecting to see the woman I had spied through the window.  But, surprise, there were 2 women getting treatments!  Oops!! 

I pointed to the woman I had seen through the window and clarified, “THAT WOMAN!”.

Then I approached her, with her feet in the warm water resting.  I quietly explained that I wanted to pay for her nails today, and that it was in honor of my sister.  “I will pay for the nails, but you leave a good tip, ok??”.  She happily agreed to that arrangement and looked at me a bit in shock.

 

“May I hug you??” she asked.

 

It is rare that I would say no to a hug, so I bent down and we gave each other a big squeeze.  “This is the kind of thing that happens on TV,” she said, “I never ever expected it to happen to me,”.

I paid for her manicure and pedicure, and as I walked out of the salon I cried. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but the woman getting her nails done also cried.

And how do I know that??   Well, I found out 3 days later.

You see, Thursday night I walked out onto the front porch to do some work for the Little Yellow Free Pantry, and a woman walked up.  She smiled a very big smile and said, very thoughtfully, “Thank you”.

Now, you should know that strangers passing our home saying “Thank you” is not unusual.  People holler it from their cars.  People shout it out from their bicycles.  And pedestrians stop and chat and say thanks.

So, at first, I thought this was an “overall thank you”.  You know, thank you for the work you do for the community.  Thank you for spreading kindness. 

But this particular thank you seemed so heartfelt, so personal…. 

I looked the woman in the eye, returned her smile, and said, “You are welcome”.

And that’s when she held up her hands to show me her pink fingernails.

“It was me.  You paid for my nails.  Thank you.”

I never thought I would see her again!  Most of the Kindness Activist actions do not get the closure that this one did.  The woman explained that she and the friend who was with her walk by our home about four days a week.  She knew our house – the “Just Be Kind” sign, the whole vibe of the place.  And she had taken time to look at the Kindness Activist website after I gave her the card with the note on it, so she understood the depth of the work.

She told me that she had tried to write to me several times since May 15^th, but she teared up each time and couldn’t finish.  I told her that part of my belief as a Kindness Activist is that we all deserve kindness.  “I knew you had enough money to pay for your services that day,” I told her.  “If you didn’t you wouldn’t have been there.  But it isn’t about ‘need’, it is about KINDNESS.”

She looked at me intently and explained that the kindness had come at the perfect time.  She had taken herself to the salon that day to try and treat herself – to cheer herself up.  She is going through a rough patch, and she needed to do something special for herself.  And that is when the kindness just magically appeared.

Isn’t that the sweetest?  That it all just happened so perfectly – she was where she needed to be, and I was where I needed to be.  And our interaction brought a bit of healing to BOTH of us that day.  “I never thought anything like that would happen to me,” she said. 

It is not the big things, friends.  It’s not surprising people with new cars or sending them on a week-long vacation.

It is the tiny things.  Smiling at the stranger.  Letting the person ahead of you in traffic.  Complimenting the cashier on their necklace.  Giving a tired mom with a cranky toddler a look of, “This is hard, but you are a good mother”.  BEING KIND.

I hope that after I die, when my birth date is a “was” and not an “is”, people who knew me take time on June 16^th to honor my memory by going out and doing something kind.  Anything!  Just something.

Wait…  Why wait until I am dead???  Maybe NOW, this year, on June 16^th, you can all do something kind for someone…  And you can email me and tell me what you did (with photos or drawings please!!) and I can put your stories of kindness together and share them here!!!  Oh that would be such a wonderful birthday present – I would LOVE it. 

So, if you would be so kind, please go out into the world on June 16, 2023 and SPREAD SOME KINDNESS.  Be a Kindness Activist.  Then email me the story of what you did at:  kindnessactivist@gmail.com .  Pretty please!

 

P.S. – the woman who was treated to a free mani/pedi told me, “I have wanted to come to your house and talk to you, but I didn’t want to seem like a weirdo or something”.  Friends – I talk to people that I have never met before all day!  I love chatting with new people!  So never ever think you are a “weirdo” for approaching a stranger to talk.  The worst they can do is ignore you, and if they do, no harm no foul!

P.P.S. - Here are the thrift store shoes!!  

Before the hunt

AFTER!!!  Found both!  And ouchie wawa they look painful.
I know, I know, they are chakra/massage/special/something-or-other,
but they also look painful and weighed about 5 lbs each :) 

 

 

 

Kindness Yard Sale Update - $221.35 Remaining!

It has been a while since I wrote an update on how the proceeds from the Kindness Yard Sale were spent, so here we go!!  More of the money got spread to MORE places, which I love!!

·         $50.31 was used at Woodgrain Pizzeria in Midway Airport (Chicago) to buy lunch for a beautiful family.  My sisters and I were on a long layover and Midway and I noticed a family (Mom, Dad, and 2 young daughters) walk by us.  The mom was wearing a scarf on her head and look as if she was going through chemo.  I stood near the cash register of the restaurant as they were debating what to order, and after they decided what types of pizza they would get, I heard the girls repeatedly say that they also wanted fruit.  But when the dad ordered, it was just 2 pizzas, no fruit or drinks.  When they got up to where I was at the register I explained I would like to buy them lunch from money raised at a Kindness Yard Sale.  The mom teared up.  “I thought you wanted fruit?” I asked the girls.  “Where is your fruit??”.  I think the parents had not been able to justify spending $5.50 each for cups of cut up fruit, but I encouraged the girls to grab some (and they did).  They also were not getting anything to DRINK (to save money I presume), but with my encouragement they added some bottled water to their order.  I was so happy to be able to help them have a tasty lunch while at the airport.  And the airport employee was so proud that I (actually – WE – everyone who donated and shopped at the Kindness Yard Sale) was treating strangers that she gave me the 10% Airport Employee Discount.  😊

·         $12.29 was spent buying groceries for an older woman at a Dollar Tree store in Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina (in the Outer Banks).  I was in Dollar Tree trying to find some wigs for a silly project my sisters and I were working on, and the woman I ended up treating felt bad for blocking a display with her cart and apologized.  I noticed then that instead of buying “fun things” like I was, she was stocking up on food:  spinach, pepper, beets, some chips, water, etc.  She was surprised and delighted when I paid for her order, and the cashier “blessed me” (that blessing carries on to YOU, of course, everyone who shopped and/or donated to the yard sale).

·         $39.71 was used for a Front Gate Project at our house in Arlington, Virginia.  Front Gate Projects are things I do to bring joy and community to our neighborhood.  For this one, I hand painted envelopes and cards.  On the cards, I wrote messages, “fortunes” of a sort. Each envelope had a “fortune” and a gift inside.  Then I hung them on the front gate with pretty colored ribbons.  Everyone who happened upon them was invited to take one.  I loved it, and I think the neighbors did, too.  The envelopes had candy and goodies in them, and one special envelope contained a $20 bill.  A young neighbor opened that one and came up to the door to thank us (we were not home at the time but the Ring Doorbell captured it and made me smile). 

Signs for the project (a Spanish version hung nearby)

The envelopes waiting to be discovered

·         $35 was given to a woman in Omaha, Nebraska for her to shop at a grocery store.  She posted this in the Omaha Buy Nothing group: “I'm wanting to make a big pot of soup but have limited funds for the ingredients. Anyone have 2 carrots, 2 stalks of celery and a couple tablespoons of tomato paste they can part with?? Possibly any of the other items?”  As soon as I saw the post I wanted to help her.  I have tried to give away most of the yard sale proceeds without depending on "need" but this woman's wants were so little, and warm soup is such a healthy, seasonal delight.  In messaging with her, it turned out her car had been recently vandalized, so I think having a stranger reach out to assist her was even more appreciated than it would normally be.  She said, “Oh my gosh!  You are too kind!!”.

Everyone deserves a warm bowl of soup

·        $20 was given to a patient at the Buffett Cancer Center in Omaha, Nebraska for her to buy herself a nice lunch.  We met her while we were sitting in the phlebotomy (blood draw) waiting room.  She was a patient and was there by herself (my sister is a patient there, too, and has never been to one of her appointments alone).  We all got to talking, and it turned out this woman’s name was JUDY LEE, which is also the name of our aunt!!  That fact made us fast friends with her from the get-go!  She was very talkative and fun and happy to chat with us.  She told us stories of how she and her friends used to get in trouble at school (and reminded us of the racism that African Americans had to face in this country and are still saddled with).  My sisters and I often go out for a nice lunch after treatment appointments, so we gave Judy Lee (the other Judy Lee 😊 ) $20 so she could treat herself to a delicious meal, too.  She was very, very grateful and surprised and thanked us profusely.

Some of my family and I at the Buffett Cancer Center in Omaha - they have beautiful Chihuly artwork

·         $5 was given to Jessie, a homeless man asking for money on the streets of Chicago.  He was grateful.

·         $14.99 was used to purchase a tote bag for a woman in a Glioblastoma (GBM) group on Facebook.  She posted to the group asking if it people thought it would be “ok” for her to carry a tote bag about GBM if she was not the patient, but a caregiver.  Many people, including myself, replied YES, she had every right to carry a GBM bag!  I messaged her and asked if I could use some Kindness Yard Sale money to get the bag for her.  She was so happy!  When the tote bag came in the mail, she sent me this photo of her holding it.  And she told me that she had already paid the kindness forward and bought the same bag for another member of the GBM group who had expressed interest in one!  That’s what I call an instant kindness boomerang!

YES care givers/care partners can carry this bag!

·         And finally, for this report, $25 was given as a donation to The Warming Shelter in Sioux City, Iowa.  It is an organization that runs a temporary winter shelter in Iowa.  The Warming Shelter was chosen randomly after I posted this on my Facebook wall:  “Let's spread some kindness, shall we?? Comment below and say which non-profit you would donate $25 to. At noon tomorrow I will RANDOMLY pick one of the charities listed in the comments and donate $25 of the proceeds from the Kindness Yard sale to it. No political or religious organizations will be considered.  Where shall we donate??  Go!!   #KindnessActivist”

           Over 50 people responded with great suggestions for donations.  I hadn’t heard of many of the 

           organizations suggested, for example Bus Across Nebraska, which transports visually 

           impaired people to a skiing event, Cure For The Kids Foundation, Universal Hope Initiative, 

           and A Better Life Pet Rescue.  There are SO MANY worthwhile organizations to donate to.  I 

           hope that some of the people who suggested organizations will be inspired to donate on their 

           own (and YOU, I hope YOU will choose an organization that is meaningful to you and donate 

           today!).

That’s it for now.  $1555.76 was raised at the Kindness Yard Sale, of which $221.35 remains to be used (there are couple of other entries of funds that were spent that I have not written about yet).   I am having such an amazing time spreading this money around.  I think I will be sad when this project is finished, but thankful to have had the chance to do it. 

Peggy Day Kindness

I am going to let you in on a little secret: sometimes, on days when I feel overwhelmed and cranky – I find it difficult to see the kindness in the world. 

That sentence could also read – I am going to let you in on a little secret: I am human.

Because really, all of us, each and every one, have days when all we can see is anger.  Or hatred.  Or sadness.

But here is my real secret:  on days like that, when I am a bit more clever and not wallowing in self-pity, I make it a point to OPEN MY EYES AND BE ON THE LOOK-OUT FOR KINDNESS.  Like, actually pay attention and notice it.  Because it is there, it is always there.  And when I take time to breathe, to look, to listen – I see it.  And I am inspired.  And suddenly, the day that felt dark and dreary lightens up, and my perspective changes.  And I smile. 

And at times when I really need a wake-up call, I sit myself down and write about kindness.  It’s a bit selfish really.  It is as much for me as it is for you reading this.  But at least I am honest about that!  So here we go – let’s open our eyes and our hearts and talk about a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.

Meet Peggy.

Peggy - the newest KINDNESS ACTIVIST!

Peggy has been a friend of my sister Annette for a long, long time.  They met in junior high school (and, without giving away their ages, let me just say, that was a while back…).  I don’t know their history – how often they kept in touch, hung out, etc.  But I do know their PRESENT.

Annette has glioblastoma (brain cancer).  She was diagnosed in July and it has been a confusing whirlwind of a few months for her and our family.  We have met surgeons, oncologists, nurses, social workers, rehab staff…  Dealing with brain cancer is a maze of scary tests, terms, and medicines.

But through all of the sadness, scariness, and confusion – PEGGY has been a constant source of KINDNESS.

Peggy visited at the hospital.  Came to rehab.  Had long, deep conversations with Annette.

And here is the thing that has made me so happy, PEGGY TOTALLY STEPPED UP AND HELPED OUT.  She set up PEGGY DAY – one day a week where she picks up Annette, takes her to doctor or rehab appointments, goes out to eat, gets a pedicure, anything and everything. 

At the cancer center on Peggy Day

Peggy Day has been amazing.  It is a day that Annette always enjoys – she gets to laugh and hang out with her friend.  And it is a day that the rest of the family knows means it is our time to relax, recharge, get our non-medical things taken care of.  All while knowing that Annette is in great hands.  It is awesome.

I must mention that I know Peggy Day cannot always be easy for Peggy.  She has a very busy life of her own!  Her mom is not well, her own sister died of cancer, she herself has had cancer, she has a daughter with a disability that she cares for, etc.  It is not like Peggy is just sitting around waiting for things to do, mind you!  Even though she enjoys hanging out with Annette, it means taking time out of her schedule to do it.  It means arranging child care, driving Annette around, and giving of herself. 

Peggy and her sweet daughter

Peggy and her daughter spending time with her mom

PEGGY IS WONDERFUL. 

And she is kind.

Which is why she is being named a Kindness Activist. 

Thank you, Peggy.  You are amazing.  You have been a source of support for our family more than you can know.  And you are an inspiration.  Someday I hope to be able to grace a friend with Susan Day – where I will carry on your tradition of love, support, and kindness.

Peggy - a KINDNESS ACTIVIST extraordinaire!

P.S.- Among the countless other KIND THINGS Peggy does, she is also on the planning committee for the fundraising gala Annette’s friends are throwing her this month!  And she also sends me encouraging messages and funny stuff late at night to make me smile.  See, her kindness never ends!

Bottles of Kindness

If you have watched the news lately, you know that Senator John McCain died.

And if you happened to see my most recent Kindness Activist piece, you know that my sister was diagnosed with Glioblastoma this July.

So, if you put 2 and 2 together, you might come to the conclusion that McCain’s death (he also had Glioblastoma) hit my family in a particularly hard way. 

And you would be right.

All politics aside – whatever your opinion of John McCain is/was – my hope is that him being open and honest about his brain cancer will somehow shed more light on this disease.  My hope is that him being famous will somehow draw more attention to the lack of research and innovation in Glioblastoma treatment and cure.  May his diagnosis somehow open doors to more funding for brain cancer research, so that new medicines, trials, and CURES can be discovered.

Yesterday John McCain laid in state at the US Capitol.  I went to the Capitol to pay my respects, and in my heart I carried the respects of my family (who are in Nebraska so could not attend).  I knew the line would be long, but I had a short day at work and decided that I would wait in line however long it took. 

The United States Capitol August 31, 2018 - flag lowered for John McCain

I went early – the public viewing did not begin until 1:00 pm and I went around 2:00 because I assumed the line would be much longer after the regular work day finished at 5:00.  Before heading out I checked the list of prohibited items for the Capitol, and one thing banned was “liquid – including water”.  Alrighty then, no water!!

I have lived in the DC metro area for almost 20 years, so have been to the Capitol often.  Yesterday I was envisioning the line being indoors.  Boy was I wrong…  The lines (there were 2) were huge and were definitely OUTDOORS.  The sun was beating down and it was very, very hot.  I think when I was in line it was about 90 degrees, but it felt much hotter with the sun beating directly down.  The lines were on either side of the Capitol and weaved in and out, each “row” separated by metal barriers that were all hooked together.  It looked a bit like lines at Disney World.

Well, I hadn’t waited in line too long before I saw the first person get sick from the heat.  It was an older woman in the row next to me, and she began leaning on the metal barrier, then trying to unlock the barrier from the one next to it to open it so she could get out.  But the barriers were held together very well and were HARD to unhook.  I heard her say weakly, “I need to get out…”, and the woman next to me and I started trying to unhook the barriers to let her escape.  When we couldn’t get it open I began yelling “EMT, EMT!” and the other woman shouted, “Medic needed here!”.  Other people got the barriers open and EMTs came and took the woman onto one of many small make-shift “ambulances” that lined the street in front of the Capitol.  It made me so sad to see her on the stretcher.  I imagined that she was a die-hard McCain fan, here to pay her respects, and now she would not be able to.  I wanted to shout, “If you begin feeling better, please come take my place in line!”, but I didn’t, and I doubt she got to return.

After that incident I guess you could say that people started dropping like flies…  There was no shade (save the rain umbrellas that some people held) and the sun was H-O-T.  And there was no water for those of us that didn’t bring any.  I searched frantically for someone selling bottles of water but there was no one.  Red Cross workers had water for emergencies only, and when someone was feeling faint they would take them out of line and either have them sit on a little brick wall with a cold pack on their neck or put them on a stretcher and remove take them away.

This photo does not capture the density or length of the LINES,
but gives you some idea

I started to really worry.  I have only suffered from the effects of heat stroke once (we went to India during what turned out to be a record heat wave).  It was spooky when I got sick in India, and I did not want to relive that experience yesterday.  I think the combination of the heat and my panic was not good, and my heart began to race.  But I didn’t want to get out line – I had come to pay my respects and that is what I intended to do. 

So, I texted my sweetheart David.  He offered to come down and bring me water and my sunhat.  I was so relieved when I saw him walking up!  I poured a bit of cool water on my neck and quickly drank a bottle, saving the second one to drink while I was in the rest of the line. 

Empty chair representing POWS and those MIA inside the US Capitol

When the line finally moved to INSIDE the Capitol, it was fine.  The air conditioner kept us all cool and the wait was not difficult at all.   The site of McCain's casket lying in the Capitol Rotunda, draped in an American flag and guarded by two soldiers, was stunning.  He lie right under the beautiful domed ceiling, and those paying their respects wept, prayed, and some saluted.  

Beautiful card given to all who attended

Well, while I was still in line I asked David via text if he would mind going to the store and buying a couple of cases of bottled water.  When I got done at the Capitol, I wanted to hand out water to other people waiting in line.  He agreed, and when I was out he met me with 2 cases of water and a big rolling suitcase.

I put the water in that suitcase and off I went, back to the line!!  By this time the clouds had rolled in, so it was not AS scorching, but it was still hot.  The street was closed off (blocked by large trucks) and the area was guarded by many police officers (some of them carrying machine guns…).   The bomb sniffing dogs sniffed my suitcase 4 times to make sure it was safe.  “It’s just water!” I assured the dog wearing booties to keep his feet from getting burnt.

They were only small bottles of water, but they brought large smiles to the faces of people in line.  I had noted the diversity of the crowd inside the Capitol earlier and was amazed: there were African Americans, Indians, Asians, Caucasians, elderly people, infants, those in wheelchairs, Muslims, school children, veterans, blind people, Deaf people, those who spoke other languages, people in military uniforms, there was even a homeless man in line.  So, when I had water to hand out, it gave me joy to share it with such a wide array of people!

“How much?” some people would ask as I handed them a bottle of water.  “It is free,” was my reply.  “I waited in this line earlier and know how hot it is”.  I was thanked countless times and took joy from the wide smiles.  When I only had 3 bottles remaining a group joined the line that included 2 monks dressed in beautiful orange robes.  They were thirsty and happily took water.  It felt so fitting to be able to share this small gift with them. 

This act of kindness was a good reminder for me of how being kind not only benefits the RECIPIENT, it also gives joy to the GIVER.  I have been sad and stressed since my sister’s diagnosis and this simple act made me feel lighter and gave me a bit more hope for the world overall.

When the water was gone I went to the Vietnam Memorial (“The Wall”) for a candlelight vigil for the Senator.  It is always touching to be in that space, especially when veterans and their families are there. 

Vietnam Memorial, Washington DC - candlelight vigil for John McCain August 31, 2018

I am grateful to live in our country’s capital, so close to events like yesterday’s.  And I am thankful to have a schedule that is flexible enough to be able to participate in things. 

And I am HOPEFUL that John McCain’s illness will somehow shed light on Glioblastoma, resulting in increased funding, research, effective treatments, and a CURE.

Candles and uniform left at the Wall

Laptop Kindness

I haven’t written in this blog for quite a while.  I am sorry. 

In fact, there are many other “normal” things in my life I haven’t done for quite a bit, and there is a good reason for that.

Actually, it is a BAD reason.  A horrible, anger inducing reason:  my sister Annette has been diagnosed with brain cancer.  Glioblastoma to be precise.  I hate saying (even typing it).  I hate the reality of it.  I hate the severity of it.  I hate the look in people’s eyes when they hear it.  I hate that John McCain just died of it.  I hate SO MUCH about it. 

Annette a couple of years ago, caught mid-jump :)

But it has happened.  Our family is, of course, reeling.  She is young, only 57 years old.  She is otherwise healthy.  She has 2 grown kids and 4 adorable grandkids.  She has SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.  She had surgery to remove the tumor (after several days in the hospital post-diagnosis waiting for the swelling to go down and the surgical team to be assembled) on July 30^th.  Many fretful, stressful days later, the final pathology report finally came back and told us what we had all feared: it was glioblastoma 4, an aggressive form of brain cancer.  The surgeon did a great job with the operation – got all he could see with a microscope.  She starts radiation and chemo this week (how sucky is that, that for this form of cancer patients have to do both forms of treatment simultaneously).  Our family is doing what we always do: SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER, LOVING ONE ANOTHER, AND EMBRACING THE GOOD MOMENTS (that do show up, though interspersed with the sucky ones…).

Annette minutes before being wheeled in
brain surgery.  I told her she looked like a big
BAKED POTATO.

I am not the type of person to ask for help.  I am guessing many of us would say that phrase, “I don’t ask for help”.  Seriously, I am the person who GIVES help, I don’t ASK for it.  And I don’t say that to brag, because when I look at that part of my character now I see that it is a serious flaw, not something to brag about.  Not being willing/able to ask for help means not being able to connect with others, not offering them the opportunity to do for me what I so love to do for others – TO HELP.

And look, I am not looking for life lessons right now.  At this point I am looking to keep my head above water, to be able to function enough to continue my professional life so I can keep my job (and therefore continue to pay our mortgage), and to spend time with people I love.  But damn it if life lessons don’t keep seeking me out…

So yes, this experience may teach me more about being vulnerable enough to ask for help.

But I refuse to label that a “good thing”, because I am not going to say “good things” come out of this horrible disease.  (Though I will admit that learning to ask for help is something that I needed.)

In keeping with that, if I can find the head space to write and take photos, this Kindness Activist blog should be cranking out the KINDNESS stories soon, because kind people are coming out of the woodwork to help my sister and our whole family during this ordeal. 

So, let’s meet the first Kindness Activist to be featured here because of dumb stupid unfair stinky glioblastoma (angry much??):  LEAH!!

Leah and Evan on their visit to Florida (he loved the ocean)

Leah is a woman I met a few years ago when I offered up our basement apartment for sign language interpreting students from my alma mater to stay in while studying at Gallaudet (a renowned university for Deaf students located in Washington DC).  She and her friend Lauren stayed with us for a couple of weeks and we became friends. 

Fast forward to now – Leah is a successful interpreter, awesome mom to her son who just started second grade (he was just a toddler when she was brave enough to come across the country to further her education), and an all-around great person.  She and I keep in touch via Facebook, see each other once in a while in person for coffee in Omaha, and she and her son came and splashed around in the ocean with us in Florida for a few glorious days, too.

Back to my sister Annette:  she was encouraged by her physical therapy team to write a blog to talk about her cancer.  The premise was that writing it would give her something to look back on when bad days rolled around, and that by reading past entries, she would see that, actually, she has come quite far since this all started and be motivated to continue to push forward.  I am not sure that the therapy team meant for her to share her blog publicly, but once she had the idea to do that in her head she would not be stopped.

Annette with her kids and grandkids the evening before surgery

She is writing and sharing an amazing blog which she has titled “Let’s Kick Some Mass”.  She has been so brave and authentic – sharing her thoughts and feelings about this whole experience.  When she started the blog, she couldn’t move her left side much.  It had been grossly affected by the swelling in her brain and the surgery.  She was also quite medicated sometimes.  Those things would have made it very difficult to TYPE, so she and I began the process of writing her blog TOGETHER.  Wait, that is wrong, SHE WROTE IT, I simply transcribed it.  She and I sat in silence.  When she talked, I typed.  She would ask me to read aloud what she had composed – over and over and over.  Each blog entry took a couple of hours.  We shed tears.  We laughed (sometime laughing so hard, we shed more tears).  But the process was:  she was the author.  All thoughts, all words, everything was HERS, I was just the fingers on the keyboard.  I loved our time working on her blog together.  It was quiet, magical, and special.  I felt (still feel) very honored that she allowed me to support her on such an important and personal task.

Then she began to get healthier.  “Lefty” (as we called her weak left side) started getting stronger.  She got better at walking.  Took less meds.  She was becoming more independent again, as she had always been.

She tried to compose her blog entry on own using her phone a couple of times, but it was super difficult.  One problem is that she got her new phone the day she got sick.  This whole illness came on so suddenly – one day all 3 sisters were in Florida kayaking, three days later she was in the ER with strange symptoms that turned out to be a mass in her brain.  So, the phone was brand new and she had not had time to figure out how to use it.  Plus, she was writing very complex, emotional, difficult things, and a phone was not conducive to that kind of work.

Also, I (her typing fingers) had to leave town.  As much as I wanted to stay in Omaha, we had a vacation home in Florida that we left at the drop of a hat when she got sick, and we had to go back and close that up.  Plus, we had to drive our car back to DC and be there in time for my sweetheart to start teaching this semester.  So, I booked an airline ticket to go home and get some loose ends tied up, then return to my family in Omaha. But that meant being away for two weeks, and surely she would need to blog while I was gone.

Team Nettie party at the hospital - shortly after pathology came back.  The fight was ON!

So, I got brave and decided to ask for help.  I posted this on my Facebook wall (hiding Annette and her kids from the post, I am not sure if that was because I wanted to surprise her if it all worked out, save her from disappointment if it didn’t work out, or because I was embarrassed to ask for help…)”

“Omaha area friends - does anyone have an extra laptop that they no longer use?? My sister has been writing a blog about her glioblastoma and we have been using my computer to compose it. But I have to pop home for a couple of weeks, and it would be lovely if she had a laptop she could use. Writing long stories (and her stories ARE LONG  :) ) on a cell phone just doesn't cut it. She would be thrilled with any brand/type - Apple, PC, it doesn't have to be fancy, just functional. If you have one laying around collecting dust, we will be happy to come pick it up anytime!! Recycle the old fashioned way - by giving to a friend!! Thanks for considering. #NotUsedToAskingForHelpButTryingToDoItMore”

Not 30 minutes went by after posting before the first offer of a laptop or iPad popped in.  Then another.  Then another.  4 people offered to let her use and/or keep the equipment they had.  I was so inspired by the outpouring of help!

In the end, we got Leah’s laptop.  It was just missing the plug, which was easily replaced at Best Buy.  It is a beautiful, shiny, well-functioning computer and is PERFECT for Annette.  I put a photo of us 3 sisters on the beach on the home screen and got it set up with her “favorites” online, which of COURSE includes her blog!!

Tada - her new laptop!  (And yes, she looks THIS AMAZING just 3 weeks after major brain surgery)

Yesterday my sweetheart and I made the 13.5 drive from Florida to Virginia.  At around 2:30 am EST, Annette texted me.  She was working on her blog (the first one she had typed all by herself) and was running into a couple of glitches trying to POST what she had composed.  As soon as we pulled in the driveway I set up my laptop so she and I could be looking at the same screens and we talked through it.  We didn’t hang up until around 3:15 am my time, so I think she worked on that blog entry for a good 4 hours. 

Because it is a laptop, she can carry it anywhere to work on her blog

 BUT SHE DID IT.  (Oh sure, a pop-up screen foiled the final attempt to publish, but she had worked out how to copy and paste it to me, her back-up editor, so as a team that puppy made it online!!)

Leah, your laptop offers her independence.  It gives her a way to look at the photos she loves in a much larger format.  It lets her express herself – her happiness, her fears.  And it will allow her friends, family, and strangers she has never even met to follow this journey.

THANK YOU FOR BEING A KINDNESS ACTIVIST Leah.  Your generosity means a ton to our family. 

If YOU would like to be inspired and informed, please read Annette’s blog.  She is doing an outstanding job writing it.  You can see it here:  Let's Kick Some Mass

P.S.- I will be asking for help more often.  I am learning.

P.P.S. – There are loads more Kindness Activists that have appeared during this difficult time.  I hope to find time to recognize many of them here.  Those entries will not be as long, since I have laid the groundwork with this post and filled you in on what is happening.

Bonus photo:  sunrise sisters.  Birthday celebration on the beach in Florida just 5 days before her diagnosis.