Flowers of Kindness

Whenever I give talks about Kindness Activist, people ask how it all started.

Well, it started as a bit of an experiment.  I was at a low point in my life, and decided to purposefully look for kindness.  I guess I wanted to make sure it still existed in the world, I don’t know.

I looked.  I saw it.  It made me happy.  I was hooked.

Fast forward years later. 

I still look for it.  And I still have periods where I am too sad, too busy, too inattentive to find it.

But now I know.  I know that if I stop.  Take a deep breath.  Open not only my eyes, but my heart, I will see it.  Because it is everywhere.  This I believe.

And I also now know the value of SPREADING the kindness.  And I am continually grateful that Kindness Activist allows me the joy of doing just that.

So here is a quick story of one of today’s kindnesses.  I was in Trader Joe’s, ironically ordering some things for another act of kindness that is happening next week.  I was standing at the customer service counter placing my order when two women rushed up, obviously very upset.

“A woman just stole my wallet right out of my purse!!  Do you have video cameras in your aisles???” they asked loudly and angrily.

The Trader Joe’s employee assured them that there were cameras, but they would need to file a police report and have a case number to access the footage.  The women, shaken, left the store.

I finished my order.  Bought a few things.  Shopped in the store next door.  But I kept thinking about the woman whose wallet was stolen.  What a horrible thing to have happen.

I took another stroll around the aisles of Trader Joe’s to see if the women were still there but I didn’t see them.  I headed to my car just as a police cruiser pulled up.  “Ah ha,” I thought, “Maybe the women are still here and have been waiting on the cops so they can file a report.”

Sure enough that was the case.  The officers started filling out the paperwork as the women stood by their car.

So, I went back into the grocery store and picked out the brightest, prettiest bouquet I could find.  I purchased it, then went outside to where the officer was finishing up the report. 

 

“Excuse me,” I said as I approached.  “I was at customer service and heard what happened to you.  I am really sorry – how awful.  I wanted to get you these to brighten your day.  I hope the rest of your weekend is better,” and I handed her the flowers.

Her whole demeanor changed.  The tension in her face melted.  She looked me in the eyes and thanked me.  “May I hug you??” she asked.  Of course!

So, two women stood in the parking lot of a grocery store and hugged, as a police officer in a bulletproof vest looked on.

“Thank you.  Oh, thank you,” she said.  “It could have been so much worse.  At least no one was hurt”. 

 

And just like that, she was reminded that even when things are really bleak, there is kindness. 

And it was nothing fancy, nothing expensive.  More than the flowers, it was the fact that someone noticed and cared.

Kindness is all around you, I promise.  So are opportunities for YOU to be kind. 

You just have to keep your eyes (and your heart) open to see them.

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $10.59

Vegan Food, Flowers, and More

One thing that I find so admirable in people is the ability to be vulnerable.  It is not easy opening up, showing your “less than perfect” side.  Especially these days. It seems like everyone has filters on their Instagram photos and, if you believe people’s Facebook statuses, the whole world has happy marriages and perfectly adjusted children.

That’s why, when someone is willing to open up and be vulnerable, I take time to embrace it. 

One underused part of the Little Yellow Free Pantry is a special request box.  There are instructions on it in English and Spanish that say if you have a special food need, write your name, phone number, and what you need on a little card and leave it.  There is a pen in the box, too (though it often finds its way home with visitors and has to be replaced).

I check that little box religiously but rarely find any notes in it.  But Monday I did!  I opened it to find a card, folded in half, that said:

GUS (phone number)

Vegan.

Thank you!

(big heart drawing)

You can bet it wasn’t long after I found it that I gave Gus a call!  He was surprised that someone was actually getting in touch with him.  In fact, he was sort of speechless.  I explained that I found his note and just needed his shopping list.  He stammered, unsure of what to do.

So, we talked a bit.  I asked if he lived in the area.  Nope, he told me, he just happened to drive by the pantry when he was making some deliveries.  He explained that times are tough right now – he is between jobs.  He was almost out of gas when he noticed the pantry and stopped.  He said he is fasting for Lenten.  He is eating a vegan diet for the month and eating fish on Fridays.  I commended his efforts and again asked for a shopping list.  But he could only sputter out a couple of items.  I think that is when I told him how much I respected his vulnerability.  “You know, not many people are brave enough to put a note in that box,” I told him.  “And I am really glad you did.  I love when people are honest and up-front about what they need.  That’s what this whole project is here for.”  He confessed that it hadn’t been easy to write the note.  He said he stood squarely in front of the pantry as he wrote it, so that no one passing by could see him. 

After we talked a while more, I said, “Listen, Gus.  You need some TIME.  Let’s hang up.  You think about what you want!  Text you list back to me at this number, and I will shop for it!”.  The silence made it feel like he was pinching himself to see if this was really happening.  I asked if he had enough gas to come to pick the groceries up, and volunteered to deliver them if he didn’t. 

A few hours later his very carefully crafted shopping list popped in.  He is using an app to plan his meals, so the items he was requesting were very specific:

            Half an avocado

            A 1 inch piece of ginger root

            Half a bunch of radish

            1/8 a cup of pine nuts

And the like.  Well, Gus, you were brave, you were vulnerable, you deserve much more than HALF AN AVOCADO!  So, I loaded up 2 heavy bags of items that I had in pantry storage and we headed out to buy the rest (and more healthy things that were not on his list but he deserved).

Let me tell you, finding Nutritional Yeast Flakes was not easy!  But the 2^nd store had them, so we were good to go!  We drove over to Gus’ place and met him.  What.  A.  Cool.  Guy!  David and I both got a great feel from him.  He was thankful and kind.  He assured us if there was anything he didn’t need he would share it with others.  I sure am glad he stopped to write a note – I am glad we got to meet him!

Nutritional Yeast Flakes, baby!!

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $127.85

A neighbor recently posted in a Facebook group that she was looking for glow sticks for a “glow party” for a first grade classroom.  Well, she had me at GLOW STICKs, and I was ALL IN AT GLOW PARTY!!!  I mean, what even IS a glow party??  I wasn’t sure, but I knew I wanted to be invited!!

I told her I would hook them up then ran out shopping.  I panicked a bit when I couldn’t find glow sticks, but a clerk helped me (first she took me to the GLUE STICKS and I had to explain, no GLOW, not GLUE…).  I stocked up on all of the glow stuff I could find in 2 stores (blow necklaces, glow sticks, glow balls, glow wands – anything that had “glow” in the title went in my cart!) and dropped them off at the requestor’s home.

She contacted me after the glow party and told me that it went really well.  She said, “We really appreciate your going out and buying the glow in the dark things!  The kids voted on a “glow in the dark blanket party”, which is not something either of us teachers had ever heard of!  And of course, we were going to do the party the next day.  The lead teacher is nicer than I am, I would have either limited theme choices to stuff we could do overnight or postponed the party until Monday.  You really “saved our bacon”. “

 

1st grade GLOW PARTY!

The lead teacher sent this note to the students’ parents:  “The Glow in the Dark – Compliment Party.  Mrs. A and I were able to get some glow in the dark necklaces, bracelets, and balls.  Mrs. A. found an organization that provided our class with numerous items that the class enjoyed in the effort to celebrate their dedication to learning and kindness.  We even played a glow in the dark ball game.  How fun!  The students used their flashlights and glow sticks to read today.  Some used their blankets as tents while others held them.  The classroom looked very creative.”

Glad to do it, first graders!  Everyone should get to celebrate with a glow party (and teachers in the US should not have to spend money out of their pockets to make special events like that happen).

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $47.22

Another neighbor recently asked for an armoire in a group. 

She didn’t get the armoire, but she got a whollllle lot more.

She was looking for the armoire to solve a vexing problem, one that was delicate and probably a bit difficult to admit in public.  But it turned out when she admitted it, when she was willing to be VULNERABLE, people came out of the woodwork not only with suggestions and ideas, but with, “Us, too!  We have the same issue!!”.  All of the sudden she was not alone, plus she had creative ideas on how to try and solve the problem.

I did not have ideas to help her, but I DID have Kindness Activist funds, and time to go get her a special treat.  I left this on her doorstep:

Sometimes when you are down and having a hard day, you just need some flowers.  And chocolate.  And maybe wine.  They won’t make the difficulty go away, but they WILL remind you that there are many good things in life.

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $27.41

And finally for this report, my partner David was approached at the gas station by a woman who asked for $10 to help fill her tank.  She had an old truck, which was probably a gas guzzler.  At first David said no.  But as he filled up his own tank, he had a change of heart.  Gas is really expensive right now, and people who were already living paycheck to paycheck are obviously getting hit the hardest.

He went up to the woman and asked if she needed the gas to get to work.  She said yes, she is a security guard (her logoed shirt confirmed that).  He said he would be happy to put $10 in her tank, and proceeded to do so.

When he pulled out, the woman stayed at the pump.  She was asking others to pitch in $10, too.  I hope she got enough to fill that truck up.  And I hope she made it to work on time. 

This was such a good example to me of how when everyone pitches in, things can get done.

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $10.00

Summer Kindness Pop-Up - LET THE KINDNESS SPREAD! Accounting #1

It seems like the Summer Kindness Pop-Up was just yesterday, but some of the money raised at the event and after ($4430.40 and counting!) has already made its way into the world to spread kindness!!  Here is an update:

• On our drive south recently, we stopped for gas in South Carolina.  I decided to spread a little kindness right there at the gas station by handing out Powerball tickets!  I gave 9 strangers the chance to become multi-millionaires!  Two worked at the Subway restaurant inside the gas station and the rest were customers.  One person looked particularly “down on her luck” – she was at a table with what looked like all of her belongings.  Of course, I will never see those people again, and I doubt any of them won the BIG PRIZE, but I sure hope that woman who seemed to be experiencing homelessness won a few bucks.  She deserves a treat.

Total spent:  $18

Fingers crossed someone won!

• A neighbor contacted me and explained that she was behind on her rent and really needed assistance.  I so respect people who are brave enough to speak out and ask for help.  So many of us suffer – needing help but afraid to ask.  Because of the Summer Kindness Pop-Up, I was able to help her make her rent for the month.

Total spent:  $150

• During a shopping trip to Trader Joe’s, we decided to treat a stranger to a colorful floral bouquet.  We checked out with our groceries and the flowers and asked our cashier to give the bouquet to their next customer.  We went out to our car and realized we forgot an item, so I had to run back in.  I saw our cashier and asked if he had given someone the surprise yet, and he said, “Right now!” as he pulled them out and gave them to a very stunned mother and her teenager.  I rushed off quickly so they wouldn’t see me, but the mom was easy to lipread, “REALLY?  FOR ME?  Who??  Wow!!”.  Later we watched as they walked thru the parking lot, flowers in hand, smiling broadly. 

Total spent:  $7.41

• My sister Annette died of GBM, glioblastoma (brain cancer) in 2019.  When she was sick and coming to visit me in Florida, I got a little silicone ice cube tray shaped liked brains.  I thought it would be funny to have brain shaped ice in our lemonade (that may sound gory, but we tried to approach the situation with as much levity as possible…).  I recently returned to our home in Florida after a 2-year absence and saw the ice cube tray.  Only this time, it was hard to see the humor in it – it made me sad.  So, I decided to give it away to someone else who might be able to enjoy it.  I listed it as a gift in a Facebook group for people who have GBM or are caretakers of someone with it.  Someone replied RIGHT AWAY and said they loved it and wanted it!  It made me happy to see it would get used and enjoyed.  Then another person wanted it!  And another…  End result – I used kindness funds to order 12 more brain ice cube trays!  They will be so appreciated by these patients and families!  I am waiting for them to arrive, then will mail them with personal notes of encouragement. 

Total spent:  $36.16

Would you like some BRAIN with that soda?

• I saw this post on a friend’s Facebook wall – “This summer my partner and I are serving as camp counselors for the non-profit Go Beyond.  We will be taking groups of teens to Wyoming for 10+ days on an amazing outdoor experience!  One of our kiddos is in need of some hiking appropriate clothes and other items for the trip.  We will be taking him shopping to get the things he needs for camp.  To share a little about this teen, this will be the first time he leaves the square block he lives on.  His parents are not currently involved in his life as they struggle with substance abuse and his grandma is his caretaker.  He is full of personality, has no fear and is excited for this amazing adventure!”  I love being able to support these kinds of needs!  Sure, we could donate to the non-profit “Go Beyond”, but because of this ask we were able to help a young man directly!!  He got a memory foam pillow and sheets for his cabin bed among other things.  Happy Camper!

Total spent:  $100

• Oh, this was a FUN ONE!  We were shopping at Home Depot and I had to urge to surprise someone with kindness.  We walked around the tool area until we found the perfect people – a couple that was looking at socket sets.  I noticed that they had been examining them for quite a long time.  I approached them and told them it was their lucky day – they had $100 of kindness money to spend in Home Depot!  The only catch was they needed to do it in 5 minutes.  Their eyes LIT UP!  “Really?  Are you joking???” they asked.  I assured them it was indeed real, and whispered to them to not just get one wrench as they turned back to the sockets they had been studying to decide.  Once they made their selection, they brought it to us and explained that they had been looking for a while because they didn’t really have the money to get what they wanted and needed.  They were going to make-do with a small set because it was what they could afford.  But because of kindness, they were able to get a really nice big set of sockets!  They were thrilled.

Total spent:  $95.37 (they did so well at maximizing their $100!)

Thanks for following along on this Kindness journey.  I consider it an honor to be the keeper of these funds.  Every penny will be used to spread kindness!

Roses, Botas, and MUCH MORE (Kindness Yard Sale Update)

I am pleased to report that more of the money raised at the Kindness Yard Sale has been used to spread kindness!!  Here is an update:

-          $7.99 was used to buy roses.  But not just ANY roses, special roses for a man in hospice to give his wife.  We know them just as the “puzzle couple”, because we always see them sitting at a table in the common room at the hospice putting puzzles together.  They saw us working on another project that I am going to use Kindness Yard Sale money for (I have not done it yet…) and asked what we were doing.  I explained it had to do with roses, and the woman smiled.  The man said that he didn’t want any flowers, thank you very much.  So, I said, “Well, what if I gave you a flower for you to give to your WIFE???”.  That idea seemed to make him happy!  His wife looked at me and deadpanned, “Well, if that happened, it would be the THIRD time in 51 years he gave me flowers!  The first time was when our first child was born.  I stayed in the hospital for 2 days and when he came to pick me up the flowers were dying.  He said they were a WASTE OF MONEY!  So, for the next baby, he bought me a PLANT.  He only gave me flowers one other time, for a Valentine’s Day”.  They are a very sweet couple and I knew it would make her happy to get flowers from her sweetheart one more time, so I picked up these roses.  I had him write her a note and tied it to the flowers.  He told me to leave them on the puzzle table where she would be sure to see them.  She was excited to be treated (and he seemed proud to be able to spoil her a bit, I am sure she is the one usually doing all of the caretaking since HE is the patient).

3rd time's a charm - 3rd time to give his wife flowers in 51 years

-          $42.09 was spent on boots, 2 hats, 1 pair of mittens and 1 pair of gloves.  This kind act was actually hard to pull off!!!  I am living in Omaha temporarily and it is very cold.  There has already been ice and snow.  I decided that I really wanted to use some of the kindness money to outfit a child for winter – coat, hat, snow pants, boots, whatever they needed!   With most of the other kind acts in this project, I have tried to not make them “need based” – because everyone loves to receive kindness, no matter if they NEED it or not!!  But for this particular one, I really hoped to find someone who NEEDED respite from the cold temperatures. 

      So, I headed to Walmart to try and find someone shopping for a coat.  But even though I strolled around and around that store for an hour, NO ONE was shopping for coats!  No one in the men’s, women’s, kid’s or baby sections!  I tried again another night at a different Walmart.  Then again at a Target.  Then a 3^rd Walmart!  I told my sister that apparently EVERYONE in Omaha already has a coat, because no one seemed to be shopping for them!!  But one night I finally found two little someones one that needed warmth.  

      A man, woman, and two little girls were walking through Walmart.  They were speaking Spanish and I saw them looking at warm work gloves for the father.  I noticed that both little girls had on old, dirty coats, but no hats.  In fact, the smallest girl was BAREFOOT. 

It was a freezing cold night, and this little child had naked, dirty feet.  It made me so sad. But             those little girls were not sad!  Quite the opposite, they were having a very fun time out 

shopping with their parents.  They giggled and ran and played while their parents shopped.

I wasn’t quite sure how to ask if I could buy the kids hats.  It wasn’t only the linguistic barrier – I wanted to make sure the parents felt RESPECTED and not pitied.  I picked up a couple warm hats that I thought the little girls might like.  One came with a pair of gloves, and I grabbed a matching set of mittens to go with the other hat.  Then I found some courage and went over to the family.  I only have rudimentary Spanish, so I could not really ask them properly if it would be ok for me to buy them the hats and mittens.  But I asked in English and a bit of broken Spanish, then gestured a lot and showed them the items.  The little girls’ eyes lit up!  They look at their mother for permission, and she smiled at me and nodded “yes”.  I told them (gestured…) to stay where they were and I would go buy the items and bring them back to them.  Which is exactly what happened!  I bought them, found the girls, and sat down with them right there in that Walmart aisle to take all of the tags off of their new stuff!  They put those hats and mittens/gloves right on and gave me 2 very big smiles!  It was beautiful!!

Pretty PINK winter wear

But that left the more obvious problem to deal with – the tiny barefoot girl…  She needed boots for winter, but I didn’t want to make her parents feel bad for bringing her out in public with no shoes on.  But I decided I couldn’t ignore it, and gestured to her feet and asked, “Boots??  Yes??”.  The mother smiled again and nodded, and I gestured to the girls to FOLLOW ME!!  The 3 of us marched Pied Piper-like to the shoe department.  They were all smiles and big eyes.  I asked the mom which size and we narrowed down our search to that size.  I started with SHINY PINK ones, which the little girl seemed happy with.  But I didn’t want her to take the 1^st pair I put in front of her – I wanted HER to pick her new boots!!  Eventually she spied these tan Ugg-style boots and pointed to them.  She and I sat down on the floor again and I put her dirty, naked little feet into those soft boots.  She smiled and modeled them.  Then we repeated the routine – they wait, I buy, I return.  I told the mom I knew the word “zapatas” for “shoes” in Spanish, but what was the word for “boots”?  “BOTAS!” the mom and girls gleefully told me!!!

As I finished my shopping I saw my new friends giggling in an aisle, new botas and all.

BOTAS!

 -  $5 was left on a bathroom wall!!  I met a friend for brunch at a hip Denver restaurant called “The Corner Office”.  After dining on delicious red velvet waffles, I excused myself to go to the restroom.  There I found this great wall full of colorful sticky notes, and extra sticky paper and pens to leave your own note!  Perfect!  So, I hung this:  I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall when someone found it and seen what they decided to use it for.

FUN bathroom!

I wonder who found it...

   -  $51.04 was used to help make an immigrant’s Christmas more joyful.  My sister is living in a hospice house, and the cleaner there named Angelique is a sweet, elderly African woman.  She doesn’t speak much English, but always has a nice smile.  One day I figured out from the accent she has when she speaks English that perhaps FRENCH is her native tongue.  I called my sweetheart (who is fluent in French) and he played on-phone translator for me and Angelique!  She was so excited when he spoke French to her! 

She is from Congo and has no family here.  She told me, “You are my family”.  She does not interact much with the other staff or guests here that I see, and I imagine she may be quite lonely in America by herself.  So, I got a $50 gift card to Walmart and a nice card to surprise her!  Walmart is very near the hospice house and I bet she shops there sometimes.  I hope her holiday season is a little bit brighter because of this kindness.

A sweet gift for a sweet woman

- $5 was used to “help kids that don’t have moms and dads”.  My friend Tanya has two adorable little boys, and one of them, Sam, posted a plea video on Facebook. 

I mean, after seeing THAT, how could I NOT share some of the kindness money with him??  He was doing a super kind thing of HIS OWN!!!  Sam surpassed his monetary goal and is well on his way to being an amazingly kind human.    

-          $20 was donated to help a woman rebuild her café after everything for it was stolen.  Her name is Sandra Rivers and she is a CODA, child of Deaf adults.  She had a dream to build a café where Deaf people could socialize and there would not be linguistic barriers.  Her own parents have died, but she wanted to build “Deaf Delight” for other Deaf people.  Just 3 days before her insurance for the business started, she was robbed of everything.  She has not given up her dream, but she used her life savings to buy the equipment that was stolen, so is hoping to fundraise money to start over. 

-          $5 was used to purchase then donate a handmade bead that will be used in the “Beads of Courage” program.  I had never heard of the organization before but they had a booth set up at an art event that we went to and they sound amazing!  Participating hospitals give each child who has to undergo procedures (pokes and sticks) a handmade bead for each procedure!  Kids who have very serious illnesses have looong strings of beads!  The children can play with them, wear them, or just use them as a symbol of comfort and strength for all they have been through.   See more about this unique program here:  Beads of Courage website

-          And finally for this report, $41.07 was used to “Be a Santa to a Senior”.  A grocery store had a Christmas tree with paper ornaments adorning it.  Each ornament had a “wish list” from a senior citizen of what they would like for the holiday.  I looked the wishes over and decided to choose Paul.  His wants were very simple – a book and one white t-shirt.  

Tree of Senior wishes

      On the other ornaments people were hoping for things like iPads and DVD players, but Paul must be a simple man who enjoys simple pleasures.  I liked that!  And I figured, since he didn’t ask for much, I should spoil him a bit…  So instead of ONE white t-shirt, he got a whole pack.  Plus the book he wanted (which looks good by the way).  Plus a box of chocolates.  Plus 2 fancy candy canes.  HAPPY HOLIDAYS PAUL! 

Paul is a man who knows what he wants.

Another $10 donation came in (thanks!!!), bringing the total raised for Kindness from the yard sale and donations to $1565.76.  $24.26 of that remains to be used, and there is a bit that has already been used but not written about here yet!  If you would like to help this project continue, donations of any amount are appreciated.  You can PayPal them to:  thompsongaines@msn.com or contact me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com . 

I hope this project inspires YOU to go out into the world and spread kindness.  Because every little bit makes the world a better place.

Birthday Kindness

I have been feeling sad and stressed lately.  Often when that is the case, if I stop and examine things, I realize that I have taken my focus off kindness.  If I can re-focus – put kindness front and center again – the hustle bustle of the world slows down, and life seems more manageable.

And that is what happened today.

My sweetheart and I had a day FULL of plans – in fact we had so many events we wanted to attend today that before bed last night we had to eliminate one thing off our list.  We planned to wake up early, drive an hour to an event we both really wanted to go to, drive back and attend ANOTHER event we both were happy to go to, then go to a 3^rd event…  In one day…  And I wonder where the stress was coming from…

Anyway, it was not to be.  The alarm went off this morning and I said, “One more snooze…” several times until we just gave up and admitted we would rather sleep.

Fast forward to 12:30 pm when I finally woke up.  Oops.  First planned event down the drain…

After a very nice breakfast we headed to the annual Flower Mart at the Washington DC National Cathedral.  We went last year for the first time and really liked it – there are booths of art work, clothing, food, and plants set up all around the green lawn of the Cathedral, and also singing and dancing for entertainment.  Moseying around the event is a nice way to spend a springtime day.

I was looking for a birthday gift for my sister (shhh, I got one!).  I also found a great t-shirt with a message that I need:  the front says, “don’t wait” and the back says, “There is no right time.  Make it happen”.  I think those are great mottos to live by, don’t you?

don't wait

There is no right time.

As I looked around one booth I heard the shop owner talking to a girl, trying to help her decide which of two small hand painted bowls she should get.  The girl loved them both, and was finding it impossible to choose.  “Just pick one.  Get it.  Take it home, you will love it.  And after a while you will not even remember the other one”, said the shop keeper.  It wasn’t an attempt at pushing a sale, it was trying to teach a life lesson to a teenager.  The girl hemmed and hawed, then explained that she was trying to be more conscious in how she spent her money.  Respect, girl, respect!  I was impressed.  The woman at the stall asked when her birthday was, and she said, “Next week!”.  “Ahh, this would make a good birthday gift for yourself!”.

After much deliberation, the girl walked away.  I asked the shop keeper which bowl she had chosen, and she told me she had NOT.  The girl left without getting a bowl, but it was the green one that she really wanted.  I looked at it – it was beautiful.  “Wait a minute!” I hollered to the girl and the woman I presumed was her mother as they walked away.  I handed the green bowl to the woman working and asked her to ring it up.  “I would like to get this for you for your birthday,” I told the young girl.  She stared at me.  “What???  Oh, no…  You don’t have to do that…”.  “I know I don’t have to, and that is exactly what I want to,” I told her.  “I think you deserve this for your birthday.”  The woman with her was stunned.  She teared up.  She was not sure what to think.  Then the young girl introduced herself to me and gave me a big hug.  “Wait a minute!”, her adult friend said, “You don’t KNOW this woman???”.  We chuckled and explained that no, we had never met.  This made the older woman cry.  “This is my neighbor,” she said.  “She is turning 17 next week.  She and I have come to this market together for years.  We have never had anything like this happen to us!  We will pay it forward!!  I promise, we will pay it forward!”.

The shop keeper smiled and finished the transaction.  She wrapped the delicate little bowl in a brown bag and handed it to me.  I presented it to the stranger – the birthday girl.  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”

And just like that – my focus shifted.  My heart opened.  My breathing was slower and deeper.  The grass looked even more vibrantly green and the world seemed more manageable.

A little kindness goes a long way (both for the receiver and the giver).  Open your heart to kindness today.  Don’t wait.

Pantsuit Kindness

I’ve long believed in the concept of SHARING things that I no longer want/need.  You know, what used to be called “hand-me-downs”.  Giving your little sister or younger cousin the sweaters that no longer fit – that sort of thing.

But in the last few years, that concept has broadened to beyond outgrown clothes shared within your family to still good but no longer needed items shared in your COMMUNITY.  I love it!  I often give things away on our sidewalk (we live on a busy intersection).  I used to post things often to give away in a group called Freecycle (check it out – there is probably one in your neck of the woods).  And this year, I found “Buy Nothing”, a super local group that is organized on Facebook (my branch is “Buy Nothing Columbia Pike”, but perhaps there is a Buy Nothing by you that you can join!).

The idea of Freecycle and Buy Nothing is this:  just because you no longer need or want something doesn’t mean you should throw it away.  Instead, you should GIVE IT to a neighbor!  Did you get an extra set of measuring spoons for your birthday and don’t want two sets?  Why, GIVE that old set to a neighbor!  Replaced your black purse with a brown one and don’t want to store the old one??  I bet a neighbor could use it!  Or, your baby outgrew those adorable Nike tiny tennis shoes???  Some other mother is going to be thrilled to get them!  Instead of throwing things away or giving them to a thrift store, you are giving them to someone who lives in your area.  It is fabulous!  Once someone replies and says they want the item, you tell them your address and agree on how it will be picked up (I normally put things I am giving away on our front porch swing, the takers can show up and get them anytime). 

This fan is being given away today on Buy Nothing

These kids shoes are on offer by another neighbor

And this toy recently found a new home on Buy Nothing

Full disclosure here – I have been using the hashtag #TeamPantsuit for months.  I am fully with her.  :) So when a “secret Facebook group” (which now has millions of amazing members!) came about called Pantsuit Nation, I was thrilled to become a member.  And when election day came around, I went through my closet to find the perfect pantsuit to wear to the polls.  :)

Only, what I found in my closet that night before the election were several pantsuits that were, ummm, a bit too “snug” for me.  I mean, I had size 2 Petite pantsuits and even a 0 Petite!!!  Lord knows when I was tiny enough to wear THAT one…  So I took those tiny pantsuits, took photos of them, and posted them in my Buy Nothing group.  I put funny blurbs to accompany them (I thought they were funny anyway…).  Several members “liked” and “loved” the posts, but no one said, “Oh yes, I need a teeny tiny pantsuit!”.

Size O Petite Purple Pantsuit :)

(Here is the blurb I posted with this pantsuit in the Buy Nothing group:  "Oh my goodness, Nasty Women, this is for the teeniest, tiniest among us. I know what you are thinking, "Susan, WHEN the heck were YOU a size zero??". Well zip it, cuz apparently at one point I was, and I have the pantsuit to prove it!!! This one is seriously a size 0 Petite (who makes that???) and it is from Petite Sophisticate. It is a gorgeous eggplant color, and if it fits you the rest of us are insanely jealous. As with the other pantsuits, preference given to anyone who IS WITH HER (bonus points if you are a member of the "secret" FB group Pantsuit Nation!)."

No one wanted the purple pantsuit, that is, until Sarah, the newest Kindness Activist.  Yes, Sarah commented on the posting that she would love the purple pantsuit, the SIZE 0 PETITE.  Seriously, she is a mother of 2 and wears a 0 Petite…  But all jealousy aside, I was thrilled someone could use the pantsuit!!  So we exchanged pick-up information and I hung the pantsuit (covered with a bag to keep it clean) on our front door for her to pick up the next day.

This is the pantsuit I ended up wearing on election day.  We vote with paper ballots, then scan them.  This is me
 right after scanning. Let's just say it was lucky I was smart enough not to wear mascara that day.

Well, for members of Pantsuit Nation (and for a little over half of the country it turns out…), the next day, November 9th, was a depressing and confusing one.  Many of us were walking around in a stupor after staying up until all hours of the morning watching the election results roll in.  When I left the house for a work assignment that day the pantsuit was still hanging on my front door.  But when I came back, the pantsuit had been replaced by this:

Bright beautiful flowers where the pantsuit had hung

And this lovely note

Sarah left me FLOWERS and a beautiful note.  I couldn’t believe it.  She is a complete stranger, and she took the time to be so kind.  She didn’t need to do that – no “payment” or thank you is expected or required in the “gift economy” systems of Freecycle and Buy Nothing.  In fact, no one has ever left me a thank you (that I can remember) in all the times I have given things away. 

Needless to say, when I saw the flowers I cried.  They were exactly what I needed that afternoon. And I contacted Sarah via email to ask her a few questions for this story.  Here is what I learned:

Me:  How did you think of delivering flowers to a stranger?  What made you do it?

Sarah:  “Honestly, I don't know what made me think of this. I just had on my list that I needed to pick up the pant suit -- it was almost surreal for me to see that on my to-do list on Wednesday morning, since, on Tuesday night, when we had arranged for me to take it, I was in such a happy, hopeful place. A mere twelve hours later, it felt like a lifetime ago. I guess I just wanted to reach out and do something to brighten your day, and I had a bouquet of flowers on my table that my husband had brought me when I was sick last week, so I plucked the most brightly colored ones out to counteract the darkness of the day (both literal -- it was so gloomy yesterday -- and figurative). “

Isn’t that perfect???  I love that the flowers originally came from someone who was kind to HER when she needed it, her husband, and she managed to share that kindness with ME.  Such a seemingly small gesture, but trust me it meant SO MUCH to me.

Sarah, who has a heart filled with kindness

I think people like Sarah who are so kind usually have some inherent reason, something that influenced them.  And in Sarah’s case, one of those influences was the shooting at the school in Newtown, Connecticut, where she is originally from.  She told me, “I try to be as kind as possible in general, but I feel like the call to kindness is louder and more urgent when the world is hurting. I grew up in Newtown, Connecticut, and I (like so many others) was so devastated by the shooting there in 2012. The town's reaction and unwavering belief that "love wins" was so moving to me, and "love wins" has become something of a mantra for me. (Some days it's easier to believe than others, but I do believe it's true.) In fact, there's a "26 Days of Kindness" campaign that people in my hometown do -- for the 26 days leading up to the anniversary of the shooting, individuals perform random, anonymous acts of kindness, each one in honor of a shooting victim. I did that the first year, and I found it helpful in coping with the tragedy -- though I generally prefer for acts of kindness to be more spontaneous and unstructured, I know a lot of people find comfort in the 26 Days ritual.”

I told Sarah that, as the recipient, the flowers felt to me like a warm hug (on a freezing cold day).  She agreed that was an apt description, then added something that I agree with 100% - “I guess (giving the flowers) also felt empowering, like maybe I could do something good for the world in the face of a devastating loss.”   That is something I have noticed about kindness:  you don’t set out to do a kind act to make YOURSELF feel better, but that is often an unintended consequence.  There is a line in a song from the Broadway Show “Avenue Q” that I like, “When you help others, you can’t help helping yourself”.  It’s true.  Acts of kindness help the recipient, but they also do something to boost the spirit of the giver.

Sarah, THANK YOU for your kindness.  You lifted my spirits on a day that I need that very much.  And, as you said, LOVE WINS.  

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go pick up some brand new tights that a neighbor is giving away.