Little Gestures Mean A LOT Kindness

Do you ever have “those days”?  I think we all do…  Days when stuff just doesn’t feel “right”?  Maybe nothing major happens – you don’t find a dent in your car, you might not be late for an appointment or anything, but it just doesn’t feel like YOUR DAY…

That is the sort of day my friend Sharaine was having recently.  She was feeling a bit out of sorts, a bit down, when out of the blue, a cashier made a big impact.

Sharaine (photo obviously taken on a day she was feeling great)

Sharaine was shopping at Smith’s, a local grocery store where she lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  Sharaine is deaf, and when she checked out she used her voice to speak and her hands to sign to ask the cashier, Dawna, how she was doing.  Dawna replied, “Wonderful!”, to which Sharaine said, “Oh, that is a terrific answer!”. 

Dawna finished ringing up the groceries.  She tore off the cash register receipt, folded it, then did something odd – she came around the counter to personally hand it to Sharaine.  Only, as she handed over the paper, she gave Sharaine a BIG HUG.  A hug!!!!! 

Well, that was certainly something that had never happened to Sharaine at the grocery store before! 

And instead of being startled, or scared, or upset, Sharaine returned that big hug.  I wish I had been there to witness it – the cashier and the customer sharing a Wednesday afternoon hug!

Sharaine sent me a message telling me about the incident, and told me that the hug really made her feel good.  It brightened her day.  She told Dawna, “You have no idea how much I needed that,” to which the cashier replied, “I needed it more”.

Who knew the power of a single hug?  Sharaine sure does now!

It is such a SMALL gesture, a hug.  But offering a hug takes guts!  You never know how a hug will be received.  And when a hug is perfectly timed, like this one was, it can make a world of difference.

  

I was so happy to hear Sharaine’s version of the story, but I really felt the urge to talk to the cashier, Dawna, and get her take on it.  Hilariously, I had a ridiculously hard time reaching her.  I am on Eastern time, and she is on Mountain.  I called the grocery store where she works on about 8 occasions asking for her, trying at all different times of the day.  Each time, the people who answered were super sweet and put me on hold to page her or hunt for her.  But each time they came back with, “Nope, she is not here right now, sorry”. 

Sorry I kept calling and having you hunt for Dawna, people at Smith's!

But Sharaine surprised me one afternoon by texting and telling me that she just saw Dawna again at the store (and that she was wearing a “Be Kind” pin, not surprising!), and told her I was trying to track her down. Sharaine facilitated an exchange of phone numbers, and I finally got to talk to Dawna.  And let’s just say, I was very, very impressed but not surprised at how KIND she was, even just on the phone.

First off, I had to know – was Sharaine the only person she hugged, or is this “a thing” with Dawna??  Lucky for the customers at Smith’s, Dawna gives out hugs by the handfuls!!  She explained, “I interact with at least 200 people a day when I work.  I hear so many stories every day.  People love to share if you have the time (and take the time) to LISTEN.  I like to listen!”

Dawna!!!  Doesn't her smile just radiate KINDNESS???

I asked Dawna, who has worked for Smith’s for 14 years, what made her decide to give Sharaine a hug that day.  She told me, “I believe that was the first time I have hugged her.  I could just feel the sadness in her for some reason.  Some people don’t like to voice their feelings, but I could just FEEL it.  So, I gave her a hug.”  Having spoken with Sharaine, I knew how she felt about the interaction, but how did it make Dawna feel?  “It made me feel WONDERFUL.  It was…  I don’t know if SHE needed it, but she RECEIVED it.  That is the wonderfulness I am talking about.  She embraced it, and that made me happy.  And, she said, ‘thank you’.”

Talking to Dawna made me wish I lived in Albuquerque so that I could shop at Smith’s and go through her line!  I surmised that shoppers search for her and go through her queue on purpose, and I was right.  “People get in my line and it gets backed up, but they do not want to move to another line.  Managers sometimes get upset, but it is quite funny.  I want everyone who comes in to grocery shop to walk out feeling GOOD INSIDE.  Now, they might not be too happy that they just spent $300 on groceries, but they feel happy that they feel good inside!  When I am not working sometimes customers ask for me.  I tell them, ‘I need a day off every now and again!’ .”

You know how some people are more “in tuned” to the energy around people than others?  Dawna definitely is.  She is good at reading people, tuning in.  “I don’t have to engage people if they do not want to talk.  I say, ‘Good morning’ and leave it at that.  But a possible conversation can ensue.  I see so many people during the day.  Of course, management wants us to scan groceries fast and get people out the door, but if my customers have something to tell me, I want to hear it.  I want to give them the respect of listening to them.  I may never see them again, but they leave knowing that I LISTENED.  It is all about giving people respect.  That’s all it is.  I don’t care who you are or what kind of day you have had.  If you need to say something, I am here to listen.  And some days I leave work so drained.  But I go home and “plug in my heart to recharge it”.  I think a lot of it is the  Holy Spirit working.”

Albuquerque Kindness

Sharaine noticed Dawna had a Kindness button on that said "Be Kind", so I asked her about it.  She says the simple act of wearing the button can “disarm someone with fire in their eyes”.  She reports that just wearing it can de-escalate a bad situation, because when people see it, it helps them calm down.  “Maybe they have been stuck in morning traffic, dealing with their kids…  But seeing the pin, with just 2 simple words, Be Kind, can change the focus of their day.  Seeing the button makes them take a breath.  It sends a message without saying a word.  Hopefully, it will inspire them to chill out a little bit,” she explained.  

Well Dawna, soon you will have a 2^nd button to wear next to that one.  Your “Kindness Is My Super Power” pin is on the way to you!  And honestly, you are an amazing Kindness Activist and the perfect Ambassador for Smith's.  Your store, your managers, and most of all, your CUSTOMERS are lucky to have you around!

Your new button is on the way!

Thanks for being a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.  Your genuine interaction made a big difference in Sharaine’s day, and hearing about the story made a difference in mine.  I am going to seek out opportunities to be brave enough and open enough to listen to people and offer hugs. 

What about you, will you do the same?  The world could certainly use more hugs.

Do YOU know someone who has done something kind?  Please tell me about them!  Email me at:  kindnessactivist@gmail.com and “like” us on Facebook (Kindness Activist).

THANKS for telling me your story, Sharaine!  I love it.

Crying Kindness

I remember one man’s actions so well. 

I used to travel a ton for work.  So, it was not surprising when I look back on it now that I happened to be in an airport when I got the phone call with the news that my dad had prostate cancer.  I can’t remember which airport I was on a layover in, and I can’t remember the details of the phone call.  What I DO remember is wandering aimlessly around the airport crying after hearing about the cancer.

And I remember a man coming up to me.  He was a fellow business traveler, in a suit if I recall.  And he asked if I was ok, and if there was anything he could do.  I blurted out, with tears rolling down my face, that I just learned that my dad had cancer.  “What kind of cancer?” he asked gently.  I explained it was prostate cancer, and he was so sweet to me.  He calmly explained that if my dad had to get cancer, any kind of cancer, prostate was the best he could get.  It was the slowest growing and very treatable.  He didn’t talk down to me, didn’t “mansplain” it to me, he just reassured me. 

I can’t remember what he looked like, I never learned his name, but I certainly remember his actions.

I wrote in this project about a kind stranger being in the right place at the right time when my sister got the news that she had breast cancer.  The stranger’s name was Heather, and she embraced my sister and let her cry after the doctor broke the news to her on the phone.  Our family still calls Heather “Angel” when we talk about that day.

So tonight, when I was walking on the beach, when I came across a woman crying I knew it was my turn to be the hugger, the reassuring voice. 

“Maam, are you ok?” I asked the woman who looked around my age.  She kept walking.  I wasn’t sure if she didn’t hear me because of the strong wind blowing due to the big storm rolling in, or if she heard me but didn’t want to connect.  I followed her a step or two and moved in closer to make sure she could hear, “Maam, are you alright?”.

And she turned to me, tears in her eyes and her face showing so much pain.  She didn’t speak, but I just took her gently and hugged her.  I held her tight, and she cried and cried.  She put her head on my shoulder and sobbed. 

Tonight's wavy, windy, peaceful beach

“I am sorry you feel so bad,” I heard myself say.  I was genuinely sorry, but the words could do nothing to help her feel better.  I rocked her a bit side to side, the two of us just standing on the shore with the wind all around us.  I rubbed her arms.

Finally, she could calm down and breathe a bit.  She explained that the man she was with, the one that she thought was the right fit – who had introduced her to all his friends and spent so much time with her – had just said he didn’t want to be with her anymore.

In times like that there is not much to say.  So, I just held her.  When she calmed down a bit she was embarrassed, saying she must look like a blubbering fool.  “Hey, I have been there!  And if you want to cry or scream, the beach is the perfect spot to do it”.  I rubbed her arms and hugged her a bit more.

After a few minutes she thanked me, and we each walked on in different directions.

I didn’t help solve her problem, but I gave her my shoulder to cry on.  I am glad to be able to pass the kindness on that the man in the airport gave to me, and that “Angel” gave to my sister.

If you see a person in need, stop.  It is not a comfortable thing for many people, and it might be easier to pretend you didn’t notice and walk on.  But if the person you hug is anything like me, they will remember your kindness for the rest of their life.

Beach walk selfie.  THANKS, man in the airport.  You listened, calmed me down, and reassured me.
And hey - you were right!  My dad WAS ok after that diagnosis.

Smiling Kindness

The other evening my friend (and former co-worker) Margaret said this on the Kindness Activist Facebook page: 

“I live in a community of mostly retired people. Many of the residents in this area have lost a spouse, a child, a job, and some a best friend. I make it my mission to smile at them, give them hugs, call to check on them, or visit them. The joy they get from our interaction warms my heart and makes my day. Reaching out, listening and hugs are all free. Love it!”

Doesn't Margaret have a great smile?  You can see why people love her!

I thought that was fabulous.  I mean, smiles and hugs are something we ALL have, don’t cost a dime to share, and are capable of making someone’s day infinitely better!!!  So I asked Margaret a bit more about her kindness activism, and here is what she told me.

“I embarked on these acts of kindness (listening, smiling, hugging, and interacting) because I started to see that many, many people were hurting and alone. I figured that I always love to see smiles and get hugs, so why not share some of them myself!

I try to make a connection with anyone that I notice that I think can benefit from my kindness.  And do you know what?  In the end, I always feel like I get more from it than they do!  But I often see that our interaction puts a spring in their step, and when we part they are smiling. 

There she is - stilllll smiling!

Some people tell me that I am the glue that keeps our family together and people gravitate to me. I think that is because of my actions and how I treat others.

I believe by sharing myself with others I help make their day better.  As I see it, this is a lifetime choice.  YES, I will continue to do this. I love to make people happy.”

THANK YOU MARGARET!  Just hearing about your outlook on interacting with others made me smile, and I didn’t even get your in-person hug!  If we are ever in the same place at the same time I will sure ask you for one.

How many people have YOU made eye contact with today?  Shared a smile with?  Or delivered a hug to??  All of those things are easy to give, they just take a watchful eye to find a receiver, a willing heart to share, and KINDNESS. 

Kindness Activism comes in all shapes and sizes.  It can be a big project, or a simple smile.  BE KIND.  Your kindness will inspire others to do the same.  If you have an example of kindness, please let me know.  Email me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com .