Peggy Day Kindness

I am going to let you in on a little secret: sometimes, on days when I feel overwhelmed and cranky – I find it difficult to see the kindness in the world. 

That sentence could also read – I am going to let you in on a little secret: I am human.

Because really, all of us, each and every one, have days when all we can see is anger.  Or hatred.  Or sadness.

But here is my real secret:  on days like that, when I am a bit more clever and not wallowing in self-pity, I make it a point to OPEN MY EYES AND BE ON THE LOOK-OUT FOR KINDNESS.  Like, actually pay attention and notice it.  Because it is there, it is always there.  And when I take time to breathe, to look, to listen – I see it.  And I am inspired.  And suddenly, the day that felt dark and dreary lightens up, and my perspective changes.  And I smile. 

And at times when I really need a wake-up call, I sit myself down and write about kindness.  It’s a bit selfish really.  It is as much for me as it is for you reading this.  But at least I am honest about that!  So here we go – let’s open our eyes and our hearts and talk about a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.

Meet Peggy.

Peggy - the newest KINDNESS ACTIVIST!

Peggy has been a friend of my sister Annette for a long, long time.  They met in junior high school (and, without giving away their ages, let me just say, that was a while back…).  I don’t know their history – how often they kept in touch, hung out, etc.  But I do know their PRESENT.

Annette has glioblastoma (brain cancer).  She was diagnosed in July and it has been a confusing whirlwind of a few months for her and our family.  We have met surgeons, oncologists, nurses, social workers, rehab staff…  Dealing with brain cancer is a maze of scary tests, terms, and medicines.

But through all of the sadness, scariness, and confusion – PEGGY has been a constant source of KINDNESS.

Peggy visited at the hospital.  Came to rehab.  Had long, deep conversations with Annette.

And here is the thing that has made me so happy, PEGGY TOTALLY STEPPED UP AND HELPED OUT.  She set up PEGGY DAY – one day a week where she picks up Annette, takes her to doctor or rehab appointments, goes out to eat, gets a pedicure, anything and everything. 

At the cancer center on Peggy Day

Peggy Day has been amazing.  It is a day that Annette always enjoys – she gets to laugh and hang out with her friend.  And it is a day that the rest of the family knows means it is our time to relax, recharge, get our non-medical things taken care of.  All while knowing that Annette is in great hands.  It is awesome.

I must mention that I know Peggy Day cannot always be easy for Peggy.  She has a very busy life of her own!  Her mom is not well, her own sister died of cancer, she herself has had cancer, she has a daughter with a disability that she cares for, etc.  It is not like Peggy is just sitting around waiting for things to do, mind you!  Even though she enjoys hanging out with Annette, it means taking time out of her schedule to do it.  It means arranging child care, driving Annette around, and giving of herself. 

Peggy and her sweet daughter

Peggy and her daughter spending time with her mom

PEGGY IS WONDERFUL. 

And she is kind.

Which is why she is being named a Kindness Activist. 

Thank you, Peggy.  You are amazing.  You have been a source of support for our family more than you can know.  And you are an inspiration.  Someday I hope to be able to grace a friend with Susan Day – where I will carry on your tradition of love, support, and kindness.

Peggy - a KINDNESS ACTIVIST extraordinaire!

P.S.- Among the countless other KIND THINGS Peggy does, she is also on the planning committee for the fundraising gala Annette’s friends are throwing her this month!  And she also sends me encouraging messages and funny stuff late at night to make me smile.  See, her kindness never ends!

Puppy Kindness

Tate playing in the grass

This is the 2^nd in a series of Kindness Activists that have stepped forward and shone during my sister Annette’s illness.  There are many, many people who have being remarkably kind and helpful during this difficult time, but one in particular stands out and is very deserving of being dubbed a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.

World, meet KRISTI!!

Kristi is my sister’s friend.  They have gone through good times together, and bad times – Kristi is a breast cancer survivor and Annette helped her through her illness. 

Annette and Kristi all decked out

When Annette suddenly had to go to the Emergency room on July 26^th, one of the immediate issues that needed to be dealt with was:  TATE.  Annette had just gotten a new puppy, Tate Dakota, in June (born April 16^{th *}).  He is a Cavalier King Charles and pretty much the cutest little dog you have ever seen!  But he couldn’t go to the hospital with her, the little fella wasn’t even potty trained!  And the whole family was going to be at the hospital at all hours, so Tate needed someone to stay with.

Tate Dakota - all sorts of cute!!

Kristi didn’t even hesitate to offer to puppy-sit.  Why, she and Annette had driven to South Dakota together to pick him up just a month earlier, so I guess technically they had each known that tiny dog the same amount of time.  And Kristi had just finished puppy-sitting Tate so that Annette could come to Florida for what we call “Sister Week”, so Tate was used to Kristi’s home and even had adopted “sisters” there!

Tate and her adopted sister Haley

So, when Annette checked into the hospital on July 26^th, Tate checked into Kristi’s home, and he has been there ever since.  She has even been training him!  He couldn’t manage steps when he went there, now he can.  He wasn’t potty trained very much when he went there, he now even knows how to lift his tiny leg.  Go Tater Tot go!!

Also, Kristi doesn’t just take care of Tate, she makes sure to keep his mamma well informed and entertained with news of the puppy!  She sends photos, videos, and little messages from Tate so that Annette can feel the love.

And get this:  she brought up to the hospital for visits!  Even SNUCK HIM INTO THE REHAB unit one time!!  He was the hit of the party, of course.  Everyone loves the little guy.

Tate snuggling his mamma outside the hospital in Omaha

Puppies are good medicine!  See that long tongue? 
It gave Annette LOTS of kisses!

Kristi has bought Tate bones, treats, even a special collar so that the spoiled little puppy could be in our recent family photo shoot and match everyone else!

Annette and her cutie Tate (and a shoe, which Tate likes to chew on...)
Photo by the amazing Brenda Lee Dolinski 

Annette is now out of the hospital and doing well.  She is still in physical therapy, and now has started radiation and chemo.  So, she is not quite strong enough to take care of Tate (who is an active little fella…) yet.  Kristi is graciously still watching the little guy.

Kristi – you are a KINDNESS ACTIVIST indeed.  Thank you for giving Tate a great home so that Annette can focus on healing.  We appreciate you!

The beautiful and KIND Kristi

* - TATE AND KRISTI SHARE THE SAME BIRTH DATE!  Isn't that awesome??

Healing Horse Kindness

My friend Michelle told me a story this spring that was so inspirational.  Then “life” happened and I got distracted by summer – swimming, traveling, hosting guests…  I am sorry to say, I didn’t write much.  And not only that, I didn’t open my eyes all that widely to look for kindness, either.  And that makes me sad.

But, lucky for you and lucky for ME, I am now sitting down and putting “pen to paper” (which is a complete fabrication, because I am actually putting keys to keyboard, but that doesn’t flow as well in English, does it?).  Are you ready to be inspired by Michelle’s story??  Let me share it.

First off, here is MICHELLE. 

Michelle and nature

Isn’t she gorgeous??  I think she should model, but that is a discussion for another time.

Now, to understand that story of her kindness, you need to know about something that I had never heard of until she told me:  NATIVE AMERICAN FETISHES.  She collects fetishes, and here is how she explained what they are to me, “‘Fetish’ is a term used to describe the carvings that Native Americans believed to hold special powers.  According to Native Americans, stone animal fetishes were a source of aid to a person in a time of need.  Some examples are:

Bears are for strength and self-introspection

Frogs for fertility

Owls are protectors of the home

And the list goes on….

Michelle collects these fetishes.  She isn’t sure that she is Native American, but her grandfather believed that the family was.  Michelle would love to find out for sure though!

Michelle and her fun loving son

Another thing about Michelle, she is deaf.  And maybe because of that, and because of the difficulties communication with strangers can bring, she does not like talking to people she doesn’t know. She explained, “Being deaf, I’m always afraid I won’t be able to read their lips.  If that happens, the conversation can get awkward really fast.” 

And one last thing about Michelle before I tell you the story of her kindness, she is a private person.  She does not share a lot on social media, and I rarely see her in person.  So, I was super honored when she opened up and shared this beautiful story:

“Last year I was on a trip and had a layover in Baltimore.  I was in the pre-board area waiting to board my flight, and I notice a VERY ill woman in a wheelchair whose husband was rubbing her back.  She clearly had cancer and was in an incredible amount of pain.  I couldn’t look at her without sobbing.  I was just so heartbroken for her and her husband that it wrecked me.

I boarded the flight after the woman and sat diagonally behind her.  I watched her and I cried the entire flight.  I kept thinking to myself that I wanted so badly to help her, but there was nothing to be done.  I mean, seriously, what could I do?!  And as I was thinking that to myself, I didn’t realize I was holding my necklace and praying into it.  And that is when it occurred to me:  I was wearing my horse fetish necklace. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I collect Native American fetishes.  Native Americans believe that animals have powers:  buffalo for power, bears for strength, horses for healing…  It was at that moment that I knew my necklace really belonged to her.  My beloved horse had served his purpose with me and now need to go with her. 

Once I realized that I needed to give it to her, I rehearsed in my head what I would say.  I had never given a fetish to a complete stranger before, but I just knew this had to be done – she needed it.  But would she accept it?  Would she be offended??  Might she smile?  Would she throw it back at me – yell?  And if she didn’t accept it, then what would I do??  I was so nervous...

When our plane landed in New Mexico I stayed behind while she got off.  My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my head – I thought I might pass out.  I finally got off the plane and saw my aunt waiting for me.  I started bawling again and explained the situation to her.  She then joined my mission to help me get the fetish to the woman.

We caught up with the woman and her husband just outside security, and my aunt ran ahead to stop them and said to her, “My niece has something she would like to say to you”.  I got down on my knees next to the woman and, with a shaking voice, told her how nervous I was.  I explained how I hated seeing her in so much pain.  I asked if she knew about Native American fetishes and their meaning – she did not.  I put the horse in her hand and told her that horses are known for healing powers and strength, and that this horse belonged to her now.  I looked at her husband, who was ready to cry, and told him to keep taking such great care of her.  Then I looked back at the frail woman, closed the horse in her hand, and told her to be well.”

Isn’t that such a beautiful story of kindness???  Michelle took time to notice, to show compassion, and to act.  So often we see others in pain and we think, like Michelle did, “What can I do??”.  Most of us stop there.  Michelle was amazingly kind in sharing of herself, her horse, and most importantly I think – her genuine compassion and feelings.  I think that she not only made the woman feel loved, but I am sure that the husband was also deeply touched.  I wouldn’t be surprised if that couple has told the story of “the nice woman with the horse in the airport” many, many more times than Michelle has!

A genuine heart and a kind soul

Michelle told me, “I was sobbing on the plane.  But when I actually spoke with the woman, I didn’t cry at all, I held it back.  When we parted ways, I started crying again.  After I gave the necklace to her, I felt every bit of tension leave my body. This was a truly different experience for me.  It touched my soul.  I felt like I truly, genuinely did something good for someone.”

I agree 100% Michelle – you did do something good, something amazing.  Michelle said, “Her husband never said a word, he just listened and cried.  And the woman tried to take in everything I was saying and just said, ‘Thank you’.  I could see the smile behind the pain in her eyes.  I didn’t want to drag out a conversation with her.  I just knew this had to be done – that horse belonged to her.  I knew if I didn’t do it, I would regret it.  Words didn’t really need to be said.”

Michelle, thank you for your kindness.  You are an inspiration.  May we all work to be as aware, as compassionate, and as kind as you.  

Crying Kindness

I remember one man’s actions so well. 

I used to travel a ton for work.  So, it was not surprising when I look back on it now that I happened to be in an airport when I got the phone call with the news that my dad had prostate cancer.  I can’t remember which airport I was on a layover in, and I can’t remember the details of the phone call.  What I DO remember is wandering aimlessly around the airport crying after hearing about the cancer.

And I remember a man coming up to me.  He was a fellow business traveler, in a suit if I recall.  And he asked if I was ok, and if there was anything he could do.  I blurted out, with tears rolling down my face, that I just learned that my dad had cancer.  “What kind of cancer?” he asked gently.  I explained it was prostate cancer, and he was so sweet to me.  He calmly explained that if my dad had to get cancer, any kind of cancer, prostate was the best he could get.  It was the slowest growing and very treatable.  He didn’t talk down to me, didn’t “mansplain” it to me, he just reassured me. 

I can’t remember what he looked like, I never learned his name, but I certainly remember his actions.

I wrote in this project about a kind stranger being in the right place at the right time when my sister got the news that she had breast cancer.  The stranger’s name was Heather, and she embraced my sister and let her cry after the doctor broke the news to her on the phone.  Our family still calls Heather “Angel” when we talk about that day.

So tonight, when I was walking on the beach, when I came across a woman crying I knew it was my turn to be the hugger, the reassuring voice. 

“Maam, are you ok?” I asked the woman who looked around my age.  She kept walking.  I wasn’t sure if she didn’t hear me because of the strong wind blowing due to the big storm rolling in, or if she heard me but didn’t want to connect.  I followed her a step or two and moved in closer to make sure she could hear, “Maam, are you alright?”.

And she turned to me, tears in her eyes and her face showing so much pain.  She didn’t speak, but I just took her gently and hugged her.  I held her tight, and she cried and cried.  She put her head on my shoulder and sobbed. 

Tonight's wavy, windy, peaceful beach

“I am sorry you feel so bad,” I heard myself say.  I was genuinely sorry, but the words could do nothing to help her feel better.  I rocked her a bit side to side, the two of us just standing on the shore with the wind all around us.  I rubbed her arms.

Finally, she could calm down and breathe a bit.  She explained that the man she was with, the one that she thought was the right fit – who had introduced her to all his friends and spent so much time with her – had just said he didn’t want to be with her anymore.

In times like that there is not much to say.  So, I just held her.  When she calmed down a bit she was embarrassed, saying she must look like a blubbering fool.  “Hey, I have been there!  And if you want to cry or scream, the beach is the perfect spot to do it”.  I rubbed her arms and hugged her a bit more.

After a few minutes she thanked me, and we each walked on in different directions.

I didn’t help solve her problem, but I gave her my shoulder to cry on.  I am glad to be able to pass the kindness on that the man in the airport gave to me, and that “Angel” gave to my sister.

If you see a person in need, stop.  It is not a comfortable thing for many people, and it might be easier to pretend you didn’t notice and walk on.  But if the person you hug is anything like me, they will remember your kindness for the rest of their life.

Beach walk selfie.  THANKS, man in the airport.  You listened, calmed me down, and reassured me.
And hey - you were right!  My dad WAS ok after that diagnosis.

Zapping Kindness

I do not have any tattoos.  In fact, I cannot for the life of me imagine ever being able to decide what to get on a tattoo and committing to have it on my body forever.  That, to a commitment phobic like myself, would be one of life’s toughest decisions. I see some I like on other people – swirls, amazing quotes, beautiful art – but to PICK ONE and actually get it done is beyond my commitment level.

But, in my naiveté, I also thought of tattoos as just that:  a CHOICE.  I thought, people decide they want one, think long and hard about what it should be, then they get it.

I was recently reminded that tattoos are not always a CHOICE. 

Maybe you remember Amy from one of the first Kindness Activist pieces in this project - Waffle Kindness .  She is a kind soul.  

Amy and her sweetheart Michael

I recently saw this touching status on her Facebook wall:

     “The most amazing thing happened to me yesterday. I couldn't wait to share.

     Michael and I were heading home from the farmer's market and we passed a smal

     storefront. The name on the glass was, "Zap a Tat".

     I have been wanting for quite a while to remove my radiation tattoos. Every time I look in 

     the mirror, I see them and feel a twinge. They do not remind me of the end of treatment 

     or of surviving cancer. They do not bring with them feelings of elation or completion.   

     These 6 small blue dots remind me of struggle and sadness. They are a flashing neon 

     sign that blinks, CANCER, every time I see them.

     I walked into the store and was pleased that it was clean, comfortable and a certified,     

     licensed facility. I began to speak with the person at the desk, and was then surprised to 

     be greeted by the owner, Chris. As I explained what I wanted, his face became 

     concerned, and slightly sad. It is always disconcerting to me to be on the receiving end  

     of the, "I am so sorry you had cancer"' face.

     I quickly recovered and continued with the most important question I have had since     

     recovery: "How much will it cost to remove these 6 blue dots."

     I was surprised and unprepared for his response, "free", he said. 

     I cried and hugged him. 

     I am now dot free. I am elated. I am thankful. I feel blessed.

    So if you find yourself in Arlington, Virginia, and you want your dots removed, see Chris   

    at, "Zap a Tat".

    Radiation dots are free, and so are hugs.”

Well, I didn’t even have to get to the end of reading her blurb to know that Chris at Zap a Tat HAD to be dubbed a Kindness Activist!!  So after a bit of phone tag, I went in to meet him.

His store is only five minutes from my house.  I had walked by it before and admired the clean, crisp design, so I was excited not only to meet him but to take a look around!  Chris Slavin is the founder and CEO of Zap a Tat (which he started 6 years ago) and struck me as humble, bit shy, very knowledgeable, and super smart.  Oh, and NON-JUDGEMENTAL, too!  He seemed like one of the most non-judgmental people I have ever met.  He was very cool!

Chris, Founder/CEO of Zap a Tat and Kindness Activist!

The shop is just as cool inside as it looks from the outside.  It’s super clean, modern, crisp, and comfortable.  I told him I felt like I should be there to get my nails done!  J  I had a lot of questions and he was nice enough to sit and talk with me.  When I mentioned it felt like a sleek salon, he said, “Removing a tattoo is a cosmetic decision.  Getting a tattoo is a cosmetic decision so removing one should be, too.  I think it should be a good experience.”  Well he sure has the environment set up to make it a good experience!

Zap a Tat removes all kinds of tattoos.  I got to look at some “before and after” photos and it was amazing. 

Disappearing cat tattoo - one photo was taken each session.

An advanced technique - this dark tattoo lightened up
THAT MUCH in one treatment!

But the most pressing question for me was WHY he would “zap” radiation tattoos for free.  I mean, sure, it is an amazingly kind thing to do, but this is his BUSINESS…  I asked if he always removes radiation tattoos for free or if this was something special he did just for Amy, and he explained, “Really, since I started the business I have done free removal of radiation tattoos.”  When I asked how many people his business had removed radiation tattoos for, his immediate response was, “Not enough!”.  He told me that when Amy went into his shop, she didn’t know it was going to be free and was just inquiring about the price.  “When I said it was free, she was overjoyed.  And that is really our ‘2^nd paycheck’.”  

Isn’t that the sweetest philosophy – that being able to see other people so happy is a “2^nd paycheck”?  I love it.  He told me that not charging people to remove radiation tattoos is, “Just the right thing to do.  It is very meaningful to people.  And the emotional gratification that people get out of it is big in terms of what it costs me to do.”

Funky store signage

Chris told me that he was surprised to learn that some women really want to keep their radiation tattoos, which are the size of Sharpie marker points.  “Some women say, this is my reminder, this is my badge.  But others just can’t wait to get rid of the memory.  I like to help the people who want to get rid of the memory.  Those “small” tattoos look like HUGE things when they are on your body.  Because you are looking at them every day and it is a painful reminder.  So to be able to remove them I think is a really great thing.”  Chris, I think everyone would agree with you on that one!

Now, as far as HOW the removal happens, Chris explained that the shop has very advanced laser removal techniques.  The laser shatters the tattoo ink into teeny tiny pieces for your body to take away.  Basically, when the lasers hit the ink, the ink rapidly expands and collapses – it snaps.  Your circulatory and lymphatic systems are the agents that act to take the ink away.  To make the experience less painful, they use cryogenic air (which is below zero and much colder than ice) and topical numbing.  But the most important part, he stressed, is the SPEED; the laser covers a very large area really quickly.  He had a good analogy – zapping the tat is like ripping off a Band-Aid super fast. Once they “zap” the tattoo, you wait around 3 months to see the results.  Then if you would like to you can come in for another treatment.  (He explained the process more in detail – the actual system of how it all works. I hope I captured it all correctly above.  He is a smart, smart guy and if you go in to get a piece removed, he will be happy to explain it all!  It is a really cool process!)

Prep room

Treatment room

The problem with finding people who want their radiation tattoos removed, he explained, has been getting the word out.  He really likes to offer this service, but most people don’t know about it.  He has asked the American Cancer Society and breast cancer sites about putting information on their pages, but they want him to PAY to advertise.  He is probably too sweet to say this publically, but geez Louise I will say it, that is ridiculous!  He is not wanting to solicit paid customers, he wants to offer a FREE SERVICE to people who decide they want to remove their radiation tattoos.  After all they must have already gone through with diagnosis, perhaps surgery, chemo, and radiation, having a kind soul offer a GIFT to them to complete the experience is amazing!!  I wish the national organizations would help spread the word so that people knew that this was an option. 

But since the big organizations won’t help get the word out - WE WILL!!!  Readers of this blog, TELL PEOPLE about Zap a Tat.  If you know anyone who has radiation tattoos and is ready to be rid of them, please have them call and make an appointment.  The toll free number is 877-ZAPATAT (877-929-2828).  Chris currently has two locations – Arlington, VA and Newport News, VA.  Now I know that readers of this blog live all over and not are necessarily close to one of his shops.  So I will throw in THIS as a complement to Chris’ offer:  if you do not live near one of Chris’ shops but have radiation tattoos you want removed, message me on Facebook (go to Kindness Activist on FB) or email me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com . I will give you a place to stay for a couple of days while you are in the DC area so you can zap those radiation tats!  (I also give a great nighttime tour of the DC monuments, if I do say so myself, so that would be included in your stay if you would like J .)

Finally, as Chris said, “I would love to get the word out.  If we could do a lot more of this, we would.”  Get the word out, people!  Share, share, share and tell people about Zap a Tat.

Thank you Chris.  Your kindness is contagious and you are a welcome addition to the Arlington neighborhood.  It was an honor to talk with you and dub you a KINDNESS ACTIVIST!

  

Website - www.zapatat.net

Look for Zap a Tat on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram under Zap a Tat (Chris prefers Facebook because it allows for more conversation and lets him post photos easily)