Magical Kindness Ripples

I believe in magical thinking.

I have always known that I do, and it is something I rather enjoy (most of the time).  My magical thinking manifests itself in a variety of ways and I embrace it.  I do not believe that it makes me irrational or childish (as some might say) – I think it is an extension of my creative brain.

My magical thinking has played a part in a mystery this year.  One that I feared to solve, because perhaps knowing the true answer would make the magic disappear (or maybe cause it to be “less magical” if that makes sense).

 

Here is the mystery:

 

We had another secret donor to the Little Yellow Free Pantry.

 

Boxes and bags would arrive with the same name on the Amazon slips over and over – a first initial and a last name. 

 

Of course I NOTICED it.  I mean, how could I NOT?  The mystery gifts arrived so frequently.  The boxes often contained fun, unusual items from the Pantry wish list, things that more “practical” donors might not choose.  A jar of salted nuts.  Pancake syrup.  Spices.  Chocolate chip cookie mix.  Not things that are strictly NECESSITIES, but items that make eating more enjoyable, and “level the playing field” a bit for those who are food insecure (and make their dinners much, much less boring).

 

Now, in the back of my mind, of course I was curious who was sending these donations.  There were never any NOTES on the Amazon slips, just the same initial and last name – box after box.  After a few months my curiosity got the best of me.  I worked up some courage and sent awkward messages to anyone I knew whose first initial and last name matched the Amazon slips.  I sent a neighbor this odd message, “Are these amazing donations for the Little Yellow Free Pantry that come with Amazon slips saying (first initial last name) from YOU?  I just opened another one - sunflower seeds, ramen, OLD BAY, spices, and hot sauce!!”.  I soon got this reply, “I'm sorry to say, not me. I know there are many of us with this initial and name!”.  I asked another possible contender, and after denying it was her, she said, “Aww. I wish I could claim it”.

 

And I will go ahead and confess here that in my heart of hearts, I connected this mystery donor to the other donor that I became long-distance mystery friends with – E.A. Raven.  She, like this new person, sent box after box of delightfully chosen items for the pantry.  Only, she included NOTES, which upped the ante and always made me smile.  And back then, Amazon was much more civilized and had a feature where recipients of gifts (me in these instances) could scan a QR code and write a short thank you back to the giver!!  So of course, with each E.A. Raven delivery, I would excitedly scan the QR code and send her (or was it a him???) a note back.  I didn’t know who I was writing, but I knew I was very grateful for them.

 

I didn’t find out who E.A. Raven was until after she had passed away.  Her sister Ann emailed me telling me of the death.  The email was so kind – “My sister Betty Raven loved donating items to your charity. Sadly, she passed a week ago. I wanted to inform you so that you understand why she stopped donating.”

 

The story of the strange long-distance friendship and the incredible woman’s kindness to a charity so far away became the topic of a piece in the Washington Post.  Talented journalist Theresa Vargas interviewed me and E.A. Raven’s family and shared the beautiful story of kindness.  And when the piece was published – boxes flooded in.  People from all around the country read the piece, were inspired by E.A. Raven’s kindness, and joined in the magic.

 

Just some of the MANY boxes that arrived after the first E.A. Raven story was published in
the Washington Post (December 2023)

I didn’t know it at the time, but one person who saw that Washington Post article about E.A. Raven realized that perhaps supporting the Little Yellow Free Pantry was just the thing she was looking for.  She was not a “people person”, but wanted to give back to the world.  She, like almost every person I have ever met, WANTED to be kind, but needed an outlet.  Could the Little Yellow Free Pantry and Kindness Activist fill the need??

 

Ironically, E.A. Raven had also found out about Kindness Activist through a story written by Theresa Vargas and published in the Washington Post.  The one she read was about the Santa Project – the delightful (and large) project we undertake each December.  Children write letters to Santa and mail them in a special box at our home, and Santa writes each child a letter back (there’s no AI in kindness, these are all written from the heart).  Each child also receives a gift/gifts that they requested.

 

Sweet letter writing finishing up his note to Santa (2025)

E.A. Raven had seen that story, been enthralled by our mission, and wholeheartedly jumped on board.

 

And now, it seemed, another person had seen the E.A.RAVEN story and been inspired to join in!  Talk about a kindness ripple!

 

But it was not my amateur sleuthing that solved the mystery.  You see, one day I woke up to an email that revealed the answer…  Someone had contacted Kindness Activist to ask what was the best way to make a monetary donation.  They signed the email with a single initial…  And the email address included the same last name as the mystery Amazon slips.

 

My heart leapt!!!  Could this be the person????  I replied far too quickly (and wrote far too much…):

 

“MYSTERY SOLVED!!

 

(Initial and last name) - you do not know how hard I have tried to find you!!!  

 

The donations - oh the beautiful pantry donations!!  All with the same first initial and last name.  

 

Every time I open one (or a pantry crew member opens one), the mystery:  SAME NAME.  Who is this person?  Do I know them???  Are they a neighbor?  Are they someone I have met in passing???

 

Are YOU the person of the mystery pantry donations????  If so, THANK YOU!  You have sent so many amazing donations for the pantry and helped us feed the community.  You have helped refill the storage shelves when they were getting low, and you have made so many people happy with the thoughtful choices you send.  And you have made ME happy (not that that is the goal...) by being so supportive of our mission.  THANK YOU!

 

Thank you for reaching out.  This was the BEST morning email to wake up to!! “

 

I sent that overly long email July 15^th.

 

And I waited.

 

And waited.

 

No reply.

 

Did I scare her away??  Oh, I shouldn’t have been so effusive.  But I couldn’t help it – I was so EXCITED!!

 

So, I kept waiting.

 

And 8 days later, a reply came…

 

“Yes, (first initial last name) is me.  I’m happy to have provided you a mystery.  I can’t resist them, too!

 

I should thank you for providing me with a way to help.  I’m not at all a “people person”, so volunteering seemed impossible.  But the December, 2023, W. Post article about your pantry showed me a way.  I donated via another user name through 2024 and into 2025 when I opened this new account.

 

The “shopping” is strangely soothing for me; very useful when I’m stressed.  Also, it has made me reconsider my attitudes toward food.

 

Anyway, please send me an address or your Venmo information.  Either way is fine. Thanks!”

 

THE MYSTERY WAS SOLVED!

 

Of course, there were still so many questions I wanted to ask.  But I also wanted to be respectful of her time, and didn’t want to overwhelm her.  I wrote back:

 

“I am so glad that you replied.  And am so happy to have solved the mystery!!

 

And you referenced the Washington Post article from December 2023, the one about the OTHER mystery donor, E.A. Raven, right.  Seeing that reference made me tear up.  Secretly, quietly, I called you the "new" E.A. Raven.  I didn't want to say it out loud for fear of jinxing anything, but your kindness is so reminiscent of her that I couldn't help but think of her.  Because of that article, I got to meet her sister.  She and her husband even came to visit the pantry while they were on a trip!  And the story of her sister's generosity lives on through that Post story.  

 

I get the not being a people person thing.  I get "over peopled" sometimes and just need a break.  I am glad that we can provide this outlet for you to give back.  Without people like YOU, we could not feed the village.

 

I was doing an interview last evening and I tried to explain that running a program based on donations not only helps the recipients, but it also provides an outlet for the donors.  That is something we never considered when starting Kindness Activist, and honestly, I still have to stop myself sometimes and try and reframe it for me.  I worry that I ask too much, I don't want it to seem like we are begging.  But a kind supporter recently said, "Susan, stop.  Your asks provide an avenue for people to help.".  And that is true.  I really believe that deep down, we all want to be kind.  Sometimes it is just hard to find avenues to do it.

 

Thanks for revealing yourself.  As much as I adore a good mystery, this reveal was lovely!!”.

 

She wrote, “The E.A. Raven article made me think that I could help in a way that worked for me.   Like her, I think food shouldn’t be boring, so I buy all the spices, hot sauces and peppers that I can to make these prepared foods more interesting and to allow the people who can cook to be able to be creative.

 

Now, in 2026, I buy from Amazon only for your pantry.  I try to organize my orders so that I never pay a penny in shipping (without Prime) and make Amazon deliver on as many days as possible. For example, I place a $35-plus-change order late in an evening and then have 24 hours to contemplate what other items/timing of subsequent orders would necessitate separate shipments.  My “best” order last month required shipments on 4 different days. See how much amusement your wishlist provides!”.

 

Oh how I giggled.  That last nugget of information solved another part of the mystery – why when we got donations from this lovely woman, we would get them 2 or 3 days in a row.  It was because she was sticking it to the man!!!  Working the Amazon system in her favor.  I love it!

 

In the month since this lovely story developed, this amazing human has also sent a monetary donation to Kindness Activist.  It is hard to express how thankful we are for the support. 

 

And the whole experience has been a reminder of how important KINDNESS RIPPLES are.

 

Little did E.A. Raven know, when she was resting in bed in Indiana ordering food for a pantry some 500 miles away, what a PROFOUND impact her kindness would have.  I reckon she thought she was sending just ketchup.  Or sardines.  Or cake frosting.

 

But what she was really sending was love.  And hope.  And, of course, kindness.

 

Her generosity inspired so many others.  The stories shared in the Washington Post have been read by many and resulted in the pantry receiving box after box of much needed supplies.

 

Thank you, Theresa Vargas for sharing the stories of kindness.

 

Thank you, E.A. Raven for being a beacon of love and light in what sometimes feels like a dark world.

 

And thank YOU, no longer a mystery donor.  Your kindness means the world to us.  We are grateful for your support and delighted to have solved the mystery!  Who knows, maybe someday we will end up in the same place at the same time…  Perhaps if I magical think it – it will happen!

 

Oh, and another amazing wrinkle to the kindness story.  We will be seeing E.A. Raven’s sister and brother-in-law again soon.  They are passing through our area and we will get together.

Meeting E.A. Raven's sister Ann the first time

 

I am smiling even writing this story.  It all seems so improbable. 

 

But it is true – I swear it is all true.

 

Because kindness begets kindness begets kindness.  Ripple after ripple.

 

The end (but never really the end…).

 

(Name of donor kept a secret to respect her privacy, and as one of my favorite songs says, to “Let the Mystery Be”.)

 

Washington Post article about the Santa Project:  Letters to Santa are left daily at this home. Mrs. Claus is ready. - The Washington Post

Washington Post article about E.A. Raven:  Boxes kept arriving from a mystery donor. An obituary revealed her name. - The Washington Post

Iris Dement singing “Let the Mystery Be”:  Let The Mystery Be - Iris DeMent H.Q.

Just some of the amazing donations that came in after Washington Post ran
Theresa Vargas' final column, which included the magical story of E.A. Raven and her kindness
(June 2024)

"Why Are You Doing This?"

“Excuse me, but why are you doing this?”.

Such a simple question really. 

But no simple answer.

We spent about an hour and a half today spreading kindness at Inova Fairfax Hospital in Virginia.  We both had the day off of work, so had time to use to do whatever we liked.  And what we realized we would like is: giving treats to strangers.

If that sounds random, well, it was. 

My partner David had a doctor’s appointment today in the Inova complex.  When it was finished, I asked if he would like to join me in doing something kind.  He’s always up for an adventure, so as expected, he said yes.

We drove to the nearby Lidl grocery store and stocked up on snacks - chips, gummies, chocolates.  Then we headed back to the hospital to find people to surprise.

We started in the radiology department.  My sister got radiation when she had brain cancer, so I know what it is like to sit in the waiting room chairs and hope that your loved one is going to be ok.  Our neighbor is currently undergoing treatment at Inova, and we drove him to a couple of appointments there, so we knew exactly where to head.

The kindness was simple – walk up to people and ask if they would like a snack. 

It turns out, that little act of kindness went a very, very long way.  People were delighted to be given a snack.  The vast majority said yes and eagerly made their choice.

But really, I think it was really about more than the food.

It was about someone acknowledging them.  Being willing to say hello.  Smiling.  Being present.

We gave treats to patients.  To family members.  To care givers.  We even gave a treat to someone who recognized us from a local Facebook group (how random).

If you have never had treatment for cancer or had a loved one who has, you may not know about “the bell”.  When a patient finishes their final treatment, they get to ring a big bell to announce that they are done.  Well, we were fortunate enough today to get to witness a woman ring the bell. 

She was wearing a hat – I am guessing she did not have hair.  She was a tiny woman, but her spirit was big.  She rang that bell and we hooted and cheered from all the way across the room.  And as we cheered, others in the waiting room felt they were granted permission to join in, too.  The patient hugged the person who was with her, likely her daughter or maybe sister.  They cried.  The nurses cried.  I cried.  Another woman in the waiting room cried.

Of course I offered the bell ringer some treats and congratulated her.

As I was walking back to my seat, that’s when someone said, “Excuse me, why are you doing this?”. 

They weren’t judging us or anything, they were just genuinely curious why two random strangers were hanging out in a lobby waiting for new patients to check in for their appointments.

I didn’t have a good answer ready.  So, I just said something like, “Oh, my husband had a doctor’s appointment in the building today, so we decided to pass out snacks while we were here.  We’ve been the people sitting in the chairs waiting, so we understand it is not easy.”

And that was a correct answer.

Sure, I could have also explained about Kindness Activist.  About how we find ourselves in situations like this very often.  How, because of amazing donors to our non-profit, we have money to do random acts of kindness like this and spread joy.

But none of that explanation was necessary really.

I guess the real answer to “Why are you doing this?” is:

Because we can.  Because we love to.  Because spreading kindness has become part of our lives, part of our DNA.  Because the world could use more kindness.

It doesn’t take a lot to be kind.

Just an open heart.

An open mind.

A bit of time.

A touch of courage.

A lot of compassion.

Perhaps some creativity.

And for sure some awareness.

Being kind makes the world a better place.

And sometimes, if you are lucky, being kind puts you in the exact right location at the exact right time, and you can cheer when somebody rings the bell.

Just be kind.

 

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $26.34

Hearts warmed:  around 50 (52 if you count our hearts)

P.S. - if you would like to donate to Kindness Activist, a 501C3, you can do so via Venmo (@KindnessActivist) or PayPal (@KindnessActivist).  Your donation is tax deductible and will be used to spread kindness in the world.

Being Kind to Mother Earth

We don’t have quite enough going on over here at Kindness Activist (insert sarcastic tone here…) – so we STARTED ANOTHER PROJECT!

We adopted some streets in our county!!

I have always liked seeing the “This stretch of interstate adopted by…” signs and wondered how the programs worked.  I recently decided to stop wondering and start doing!

First, I put out a call for CREW MEMBERS.  I was hoping to get a dozen – we got 17!  And that is perfect, because there will always be times when some people have conflicts and can’t attend.

Then, we filled out all of the paperwork.  Doing that opened up the online map so that we could see which streets had not yet been adopted and…  drum roll…  basically the “adopt a street” program in Arlington County is so underutilized and probably unknown that not a single street around us was adopted.  That is sad in that it means no one is “taking care of them”, but it was good in that we could choose whatever street we wanted!

I had a couple of criteria in mind.  I wanted a street:

-         Near our house so that we could use our home as a meeting place for all volunteers

-         In a busy area so that it would likely need some cleaning

-         Close enough to walk to

It was easy to find a street meeting those requirements.  In fact, it was so easy that instead of adopting ONE street, we adopted THREE!  We chose streets around Sequoia Plaza, a busy office complex down the street.  Here is the map – the blue/purple streets are ours:

The street we adopted

 When you adopt a street/s, you agree to clean them at least once a quarter.  You also agree to wear safety vests.  Today was our first cleaning, and so we donned our vests!!

12 kind volunteers set out to see what this “Adopt a Street” was all about.  We had buckets on loan from the county and plenty of “grabbers” and gloves.

The inaugural Kindness Activist Street Cleaning Crew!

We weren’t sure what to expect.  When you are in a car driving through that area, the streets look pretty clean.  (Shhh, one volunteer messaged me threatening to go drop some litter around there so that we would have something to pick up, because we were afraid it would be a bust!  Don’t worry, she didn’t do it 😊 .)

 

Finding bottles behind bushes

Wait, did you find a plastic bag?

But we quickly learned that even though it may look trash free when looking out your car window, when you are on foot and actually LOOKING for litter, there is a loooot to be found.

 

Clean-up in action!

We found bottles. We found cans.  We found strips of rubber and chewed gum and wrappers.  We found a box.  We found yard signs.  We found a hub cap.  We found broken glass. But what we found the MOST of by far was CIGARETTE BUTTS.

 

This was just ONE area with lots and lots of cigarette butts,
and this is AFTER we had picked some of them up already!

They are disgusting, and they were everywhere!!  You could definitely tell where the workers from the Sequoia Buildings come out on their smoke breaks ☹ .  So that is one thing I will be including in our report: there need to be cigarette butt receptacles at every entry to the offices and at the bus stop.

 

These two worked really hard

The dozen of us worked for about 90 minutes and we got a lot done!!  And do you know what?  It felt good.  I mean, not only was it a lovely sunny day to be outdoors, but bending down and picking up trash felt like a very tangible way to give back to the community.  We were literally making the space cleaner and prettier!  I was very proud of us!!

This little buddy worked all day yesterday perfecting his grabber tool technique!

 

We found a couple of special things while we were out.  Well, I say “we” found them, but really one little helper did.  She seemed to find all of the weird stuff!  First she found a set of keys in a bush.  Then she found a lottery card (not a winner, drat).  And then she found the best thing of all – a wallet!!!

 

The finder of all of the weird things and her mother

The wallet was very clean and looked new, so it didn’t feel like it had been out there long.  There was no cash in it but the driver’s license, credit cards, and insurance card were still there.  When I got home, I posted in a large community Facebook group to try and find the owner.  We had his name, knew his age, and had his address (I just listed his name and age in the post, and said we had found something important of his). 

 

Before long I got a Facebook message.  A woman had tracked the man whose wallet we had down and gave me his address (which matched what was on the license) and his phone number.  We called him and wow, was he happy!!!  Turns out he moved recently and lives near us so he jumped in his car to come retrieve the wallet.  He asked what he could give as a reward for finding it and I told him no reward was needed, we were just happy to find the owner.

 

He came to get the wallet and is so sweet.  He explained that his wallet was stolen just today right out of his bag at a local 7-11.  The thief must’ve grabbed it, saw that it had no cash, and threw it.  We told him that a little girl had found it, and he was very grateful.  He even gifted her some sweet pajamas from the Washington Wizard’s basketball team.

 

Jon, reunited with his wallet

And here is a cool part, too.  He wants to join the street cleaning crew!!  We are technically full, but hey, I think we should make an exception and add him to the list, don’t you?  We gave him our social media links and the website info and he texted to say, “I appreciate the mission your group has and it is a blessing for me.”  Hey Jon, we are adding you to our list of volunteers, so get ready!

 

All in all, it was a very fun project.  In fact, David found it so fun that after we had come home, had a snack, and sorted out the recycling from what we picked up, he went BACK and cleaned up some more on a street we hadn’t even adopted.  He had noticed some garbage in a retention pond area and wanted to tidy it up.  He even picked up a CAR BUMPER (add that to the list of odd items we found…).

 

First round of cleaning – done!  We will be back in a couple of months for round two.  Until then – PLEASE DON’T LITTER!!  Be kind to Mother Earth!

 

 

David in action

So much to pick up

Just SOME of the garbage we cleaned up

John was quite happy to pick up the loaned 
buckets from the county

Your Prescription Is Ready

One thing I have always wanted to use Kindness Activist funds for is to pay for people’s prescriptions.  I just think it would be such a good way to treat people kindly, don’t you?

But I have found over the years that it is actually quite difficult to do.  It feels like you are violating someone’s privacy to go up behind them at the pharmacy check-out and offer to pay for their meds.  I don’t know, maybe I could ask them before they approach the pick-up window…  It just feels like a HIPAA violation or something.  In all the years I have been doing Kindness Activist work, I think I have only managed to pull off paying for prescriptions twice.

Well, three times now.

Because yesterday, a perfect opportunity presented itself, and I went for it.

I was at the CVS in Target to pick-up my prescription.  I must’ve gone at the ideal time, because for once there was not a single person in line!  The pharmacy tech seemed to be ringing someone up, but the person was not standing at the register.  Odd.

Then I heard, “Hello?  Hello?  Can you hear me?” and I saw an elderly gentleman seated in a chair across from the cash register and talking on his cell phone.  The pharmacy worker smiled at him and gestured that his order was ready and it was time to pay.

“Ahhh, can you let her go ahead of me?” he said, pointing at me.  “Cuz it’s gonna take me a LONG time to get outta this chair”. 

That’s when I took it all in. 

This sweet elderly man had sat himself down in a curved plastic chair with no arms.  It was as if it was conforming to his body – his back curved a bit to snuggle into the chair.  Beside him was an old cane and a small red, dirty first aid kit with things written all over it in black Sharpie.  And in his hand, the cell phone.

The CVS employee had already begun ringing in his order, so instead of her having to cancel it, I looked at the man and said, “Sir, I would be happy to pay for your medicine.  Is that ok with you?”.

“Well yes!!” he said happily.  “Yes, you can.  It ain’t gonna be but a dollar or two anyway”.

I smiled at the pharmacy tech and nodded that she could complete the transaction. 

While she was keying everything in, we listened to the man. 

“Hello??  HELLO??  Yea.  Yea.  I can hear you.  Can you hear ME??” he said a few times.

The employee and I smiled and I said quietly, “We can hear you!”.

The total was ready - $16.59. Not quite the “dollar or two” he had anticipated.  The cashier looked at me, wondering if I would still foot the bill.  I smiled and inserted the credit card.

The pharmacist was working in the back but caught wind of what was happening.  She made eye contact with me, smiled, and silently thanked me.

I picked up the brown bag with the medicine inside and turned around. 

“Mr….” I quickly looked at the name on the Rx.  “Mr. Clinton, your prescription is ready,” I told him, smiling.

He thanked me, I picked up my own medicine, and walked away, him still stuck in the chair and talking loudly on his phone.

It wasn’t much.  Under $20.  But it was kind.

And it was the best $16.59 I have spent all month.

P.S. – I am not sure HOW he managed to get himself out of that chair, but he did it.  I peeked after I did the rest of my shopping and he had moved on.

Pausing for Kindness

Checking my phone today, I saw there was an alert that I had been tagged on Facebook.  Now, that can be a good thing, or that can be a bad thing…  I checked to see which this was, and found this post:

“In the spirit of cutest things, my littlest wants to spread some kindness and made a collection of gifts to share with neighbors. It would mean a lot if that box was empty later. He even wrapped the gifts. Feels very much inspired by Susan Thompson-Gaines.  The gift station is near our driveway at (location). I have no idea what is in here, but it’s the thought that counts?”

Heart.  Melt.  I couldn’t shower and get dressed soon enough.  I needed a gift from the special box!!

By the time I got my act together to go check it out, the box had been brought inside due to snow (don’t want the secret gifts to get wet now, do you??).  But that was a-ok by me, because I had hoped to get to talk to the kid behind the kindness anyway, Rex.

His mom called for him to tell him he had a visitor and he came running.  I explained that I had heard about his box of gifts and was hoping to get one.  He laid the box out in front of me – closed so I could read the note.

“Please take one gigt for FREE (big heart).  Have a nice day.  Open this box.”  Then, this part must’ve been a bit of an afterthought, the note said, “Also we take one of those from there” with a small arrow pointing to the right.  To the LEFT of the box he had stacked up some painted wooden pieces.  His mom reminded him to check the direction of the arrow, and he quickly moved the extra gifts to the correct side so that I could follow the instructions 😊 .

I eagerly opened the box.  I was curious what sort of magical mysteries he had wrapped!!  I narrowed it down to 3 gifts then asked Rex and his BFF Lucia help me decide.  My gifts were great!  I got a pen (branded from an old race for Sherriff) and a super shiny smooth rock.  Then I chose a Halloween decoration that he had painted that featured a snake.

I had some questions for this kind kid, and he agreed to an interview.

I asked my buddy what he was doing today and he said he wrapped up some special things. 

“How did you pick what things you would wrap up?” I asked, genuinely curious. 

His answer was as honest as kids his age get.  “They are just, umm, stuff that I didn’t want any more…”.  😊

 

I pointed out that the rock he gave me seemed extra special.  Rex’s family collects rocks with hearts on them, and he showed me that the one I scored has a “kind of a heart” on it.  I explained to him that outside our house we host the Poll of the Day and that people use rocks and gems I put out as voting pieces. 

“The rule is that people that vote outside our house,” I explained, “can take one rock or gem a day.  So, the thing is.  YOU gave this special rock to ME, I am gonna put it there at the poll, and I bet somebody else will take it.  So, the kindness will just keep going.”

That idea made us both smile.

 

His friend told me that she had helped pick out the things to give-away, but none were hers, they all belonged to Rex, including the very special paper they used to wrap everything.  Turns out that was origami paper that Santa had brought.  Isn’t it sweet of him to share that with others?

I was so glad that his mom had tagged me.  I likely would not have seen the post if she hadn’t, and would’ve missed out on the magical kindness.

It was all so simple really.

Kid rummages through his house and picks out gifts (or, as Rex told me, things he didn’t really want anymore).

 

Friends wrap the gifts.  I bet that took quite a while.

Then to find a box to put them all in…

 

Then make the SIGN to go on top.  I wasn’t there when that happened, but I have a feeling that was super fun.

Then to place it all outside and hope, hope, hope people stop and get involved!!

Because that is where the magic happens really.  When passersby not only open their eyes and physically see the “ask” but open their hearts and take time to stop and engage.

Sometimes all it takes to be kind is to wrap up some leftover stuff.

 

Or to pause for a moment in your day to graciously accept a gift from a 6-year-old.

 

Want a bit of unsolicited advice about kindness?

1.     Never pass up a lemonade or hot chocolate stand.  Even if the lemonade is made from powder and the hot chocolate is made with water (not milk), the $1.00 you spend will brighten that kid’s day.

2.     Keep your eyes and your heart open.  Opportunities to be kind are quite literally all around us.  Sadly, most people don’t notice them.

3.     Model kindness.  Because kids are watching. 

It’s simple really.  Just be kind.

 

P.S. – Rex’s mom texted me after I left to say, “You made his whole day, which he needed! It’s been a rough few weeks over here. He put on the sweatshirt you gave him immediately.”

Kindness Rejections

Last night we had the virtual monthly meeting of the Kindness Book Club (yes, there is a Kindness Book Club!!).  We are reading a book called “A Year of Living Kindly” by Donna Cameron.  The book is split into 12 sections, which makes it perfect to meet monthly to discuss.

Our topic this meeting was “Resistance to Kindness”.  If you have never sat down to ponder it (or read Ms. Cameron’s book), you might not have considered that there are, indeed, barriers and resistance to kindness.  And that resistance applies in both directions – in GIVING and in RECEIVING kindness. 

It was an interesting read and even better to talk about with the other group members.  The author examined the topic from several angles.  For example, let’s say someone pays you a compliment.  Compliments are KINDNESS in action.  The book quotes another author, Dr. Dale Turner, who said, “When someone gives you a compliment in words, don’t disagree or minimize what he said, for words are gifts, too.  Accept them gracefully, even if you don’t think you deserve them…  A compliment is a gift not to be thrown away carelessly unless you want to hurt the giver”. 

Oh my – that shines a different light on my (and many other females’) often instant reaction to compliments.  “Susan – your outfit is so cute today!” a friend might say.  To which I may respond, “Oh, this?  I got it free from a neighbor.  It doesn’t really fit me that great…”.  Or if someone compliments my work as an interpreter.  “Hey, you were amazing interpreting that meeting.  It went so smoothly, and your word choices were terrific”.  To which I often say things like, “Oh thanks…  But ugh.  I could not think of the English word for that sign.  I felt like I was fumbling trying to piece that one sentence together…” or some other derogatory comment about my own work. 

When I (when WE) do that, we unconsciously offend the compliment giver.  In a sense, we take the beautifully wrapped compliment they handed us, shake the box around a bit, and hand the present right back to them.  Rude, right?

Another chapter talked about how no kindness is ever too small, and that we should be on the look-out for “TNT”s – Tiny Noticeable Things.  They are the small bits of kindness that are scattered throughout our day that many of us are too busy to notice.  TNTs are not big, grand gestures.  They are the opposite – little things that we can do (or receive) that, if we notice them, can make the world a better place.  Because, you see, these TNTs add up.  One smile from a stranger.  One wave from a child on a bus.  One person holding the door…  Tiny thing compounded with another tiny thing added to yet another tiny thing…  Until, if we are observant, they are not TINY anymore, but they have grown into a great big blob of kindness! 

But the chapter that held my attention most was the one about the phenomenon of people REJECTING the kindness that we offer them.  Oh, that subject hit home with me!

We often have our efforts rejected in our work with Kindness Activist.  That is something I didn’t expect when I set out on this adventure.  I guess I subconsciously just assumed that if we were to OFFER kindness to someone, they would of course ACCEPT it.  But I have learned that is not the case…

·      The people in grocery stores who refuse to let us pay for their order.

·      The people in cars at the red light who won’t roll down their windows when we smile and hold up a sign saying HAPPY PI DAY and try to give them a pie.

·      The strangers who refuse to make eye contact, let alone return my greeting, when I smile and say hello to them.

People reject kindness often.  That’s why when I talk with groups about Kindness Activist, I often say you have to be willing to fail at giving kindness.  You have to have thick skin to be kind.  You have to be brave! 

In “A Year of Living Kindly”, the author talks about how once the kindness we have offered is rejected by someone, it may make it difficult for us to try again the next time.  We may hesitate.  After all, no one likes feeling scorned.

I know that this is true in our kindness work.  I recall times when we offered to pay for someone’s groceries and they said no (usually it is a polite no, but a no none the less).  It’s so awkward!!  We are literally standing right next to them.  Where do we move to?  What do we say?  What do we do??  AWKWARD! 

What we usually do is walk away (feeling embarrassed).  We re-group.  And we look for another person to be kind to.  Only, once we have failed at giving kindness, we are not as eager to get back on the horse and try again…  I come up with LOTS of excuses in my head.  “Oh, that person will not accept if we offer – they have quite a lot of groceries and they will think it is too much money…”.  And, “Oh, let’s not ask that man.  Men always say no!” (which is a gross overgeneralization, but honestly, men do reject our offers of kindness more often than women do).  I am embarrassed to admit that we have sometimes given up and just left the store after being rejected.  (We always try again another time, but I feel more trepidatious and less excited…)

I tell you about these failures because I wanted to share a story of something that happened just today.  I failed at kindness today.  But I didn’t give up this time!  And I think that is because we had talked about this very topic at book club last night.

This morning, I saw a post in a large Facebook group called “Arlington Neighbors Helping Each Other”, a group that has 51,600 members.  A woman wrote explaining that she had taken down her previous post because of the mean spirited, negative comments that were made on it. 

I had not seen the original post, but could surmise from comments on the newer one that it had been about warning neighbors of a potentially dangerous situation at a local school.  The woman felt attacked by some commenters, so much so that she cried at work.

I felt angry.  I was mad that people felt emboldened to attack her for what she had said, especially in a group literally named “Neighbors Helping Each Other”. 

But after I got mad, I commented.  I told her that I was sorry people had been mean and disrespectful to her.  And I asked her to please check her messages because I was writing to her.

Because… 

I realized that this sad situation presented a perfect opportunity for KINDNESS! 

I wrote: “Hi there. I just saw your post in the Arlington Neighbors page. I didn't see the deleted post, but I want to say that I'm sorry people were nasty and mean.  I used to think our town was somehow different and that hatred wouldn't get here, but sadly it has.  I founded and run a non-profit called Kindness Activist. We exist to spread kindness. I know it's not much, and it's not like it will change the world, but we would love to treat you to lunch today. We can have something delivered.”

I was excited to see when she had read the message.  But then her rejection of my kindness popped in…

“Hi Susan! Thank you for reaching out! I really appreciate the offer, but maybe that lunch can be given to someone more in need! I think with everything going on it just makes me sad.  …The comments on the post just got to me.”

Dang!  Rejection.

Only, because we had talked through this very topic last night, I decided to give it one more shot.  Yes, I was a bit embarrassed and I didn’t want to seem like I was groveling.  And maybe it was easier to try a 2^nd time because this was over a keyboard and not standing next to her at a restaurant…

So, I said, “Our philosophy is that EVERYONE deserves kindness!  Some of our work is needs based, but some is what we like to call "magic based". We would love to gift you lunch if you are open to it, just to add a tiny ray of sunshine to your crappy day.”

She read my message.

She seemed to think about it for a moment…

AND THEN SHE ACCEPTED!

It worked!  Being brave enough to offer a 2^nd time (with more explanation) gave her the opportunity to accept the gift.  I was so happy!

She told me her order, I placed it via UberEats, and a short while later I presume she was sitting down and eating that tasty lunch. 

I share this story to remind you to be kind. 

Even when it is hard.

Even when you get rejected.

Even if it seems like it is a teeny tiny kindness that certainly can’t really make a difference…

Because acts of kindness DO make a difference. 

One grand act of kindness at a time.  Loads of tiny of acts of kindness. 

They.  Make.  A.  Difference. 

WE can make a difference. 

We can, as this sweet kid artist told us on this sign, "Make the world a better plase."