Floating Kindness

I am not one for “woo woo” stuff.  I don’t normally get into things like crystals, healing lotions and potions, or Reiki.  Heck, I don’t even do yoga or meditate.

Let’s face it – I basically have 2 gears – HIGH and OFF.  It is either full-on-hell-bent-gettin’-shit-done-and-having-fun, or watching-tv-drinking-wine-then-going-to-bed.

So, when my friend Beth asked if she could get me a gift certificate for a FLOAT, I will admit that I was nervous.  A FLOAT??  What sounds more hippy dippy than floating around in a tank of salt water for an hour??  But Beth had done it and loved it, and I trust her opinion, plus it was something new and a gift, so YEAH, LET’S DO IT!

After I had received the gift but before I had DONE the float, I had lunch with another friend who had floated.  She.  Hated.  It.  Her story was hilarious – feeling trapped inside the “pod” floating in the water, feeling trapped, the sense that time was creeping as slowly as possible and the hour might never be over…  I was afraid my experience might be more like HERS than Beth’s. 

But still, in for a penny, in for a pound, right?  The gift certificate was given out of love and Beth knows everything I have gone through over the last year.  She really hoped it would help me feel better.  Plus, I say again, it was something NEW, so why not give it a go??

Here is my float tank

My appointment at Synergy (even the name sounds woo woo!) was today at noon.  The place is hidden away in a basement of a building in Alexandria, VA.  There is a buddha statue outside (of course) (but honestly, I liked him).  Inside there was a shelf of potions (CBD oil anyone??).  A sweet lady checked me in and showed me to my float tank.  BUT IT WASN’T A POD…  It looked like a HOT TUB.  I am sure the disappointment registered on my face.  I had imagined a space age POD!!!  Stars on the ceiling!  Being cocooned in a Jetson-like sculpture for an hour.  But instead, you were giving me, A HOT TUB???  What a rip!

When I expressed my disappointment, the lady told me the pod was booked already, but if I didn’t like this tank I could rebook for the pod another day, or I could wait until 3:30 and use it.  I had already Ubered over ($9 – we are a one car family right now and my partner used the car for work today).  I had other stuff to do this afternoon so I couldn’t sit around in their hippy lounge until 3:30.  Plus, I trekked over to Synergy wearing NO LOTION, no make-up, and NO DEODERANT (as the website had instructed me).  Did I really want to do that again another day, or should I just make the best of it and take the “hot tub” looking tank.  “This is fine, I will just do this one,” I said, probably a bit bleakly. 

Wait, it's like, a HOT TUB??

The woman explained how it would work – close and lock my private room, rinse off in the shower if I was wearing any lotion or deodorant (nope – I followed the rules!), put in the provided ear plugs, get in the tank, and after I stopped moving the motion detector lights would go off after 30 seconds.  There would be a small light in the tank and if I wanted to turn it off I could just push the big button.  And there was a spray bottle of fresh water just in case any of the super salty water got in my eye.

Piece of cake!!!  She left, I snapped a photo or two, then stripped down and went to get in.

Wheee - let's FLOAT!

WAIT – before I tell you about the experience floating, I should confess my biggest fears about it:

1.       I was MOST afraid that I would be COLD, and that would make me miserable for an hour.  I am often cold, and I had been told that the water was “body temperature” not WARM or HOT.  That was the scariest part for me – the idea of floating miserably for an hour shivering.

2.      I was also scared of MY EMOTIONS.  Like I said, I don’t meditate.  And I have been through some awful stuff this last 8 months.  What if, when I finally let my mind RELAX and stop spinning, I just FELL APART?  What if I cried and sobbed and snorted the whole hour??  Would I be able to handle that??

But even though I was hesitant, I went for it. 

My first reaction (when foot number one went in) was, “Hey!  It does not feel cold!  Not HOT, but not cold.  The temperature might work!”.  Then, as foot number one touched the bottom, I thought, “THIS THING IS SLIMY AS ALL GET-OUT!”.  Not dirty slimy, but the mix of salt and water must make it slippery.  So I was very careful getting in.

And then I laid back.  I was in about 11” of water, which doesn’t seem like much, does it?  But I totally floated.  I lie still, and sure enough the room lights went out.  That make it darker, but not DARK.  So I floated myself down to the button to turn off the “hot tub” light with my toe, and CLICK – PITCH.  BLACK.

I mean – DARK.  COMPLETE DARKNESS.

And I floated.*

The water was the same temperature as my body.  I played around a bit – would it be better with my arms HERE or HERE?  Was the tank big enough for me to stretch out both legs and arms?? 

And after a while, I relaxed.  I opened my eyes, I closed them, but it didn’t matter, the blackness remained.**

As I floated, I felt my body and could easily notice the points of tension.  When your body is weightless, the areas you are contracting stick out.  I focused on those spots and trying to release – trying to FLOAT with no tension.

I breathed. 

After a while, I could SEE THINGS.  Lights moving.  Patterns dancing.  I feared my eyes might get used to the darkness and start to be able to focus, but was glad they did not.  The darkness held much more interesting imaginary art than the light does.  One time, I thought I was nearing the top edge of the tank.  I could “see” a pattern that I “knew” was the edge.  I kept my eyes open, watching myself float closer and closer to the “edge”, until I had floated THROUGH it…  It was not a literal edge, it was a pattern my eyes (or my mind’s eye?) had projected. 

I do not do drugs, but I imagined that this feeling must be what a good trip feels like.  Nothingness, and everything, all together.  Floating and safe.

I know I slept some.  In fact, at one point I think a snore (my own) woke me up.  But most of the time I felt alert, relaxed, pleasant, and safe.  It was a comforting experience. 

Before I began the float the woman working there had explained at the end of 60 minutes some quiet chimes would go off and the light inside the tank would turn on.  If I did not notice that, some jets would start moving the water around.  I couldn’t believe it when I heard the chimes!  At first I thought they must be in another room (which is impossible because it felt very soundproof).  Then “ding”, I heard it again.  And the light went on inside the tank.  I sat up, but couldn’t believe I had been floating an hour, so stubbornly turned the light OFF again to keep floating in the dark 😊.  But sure enough, the jets turned on and my time was up.

There was a shower in the room so I washed up and got dressed.  As I showered I thought, “Oh, maybe this was a half hour float!  That’s why it went so quickly”.  But NOPE, the lady confirmed I had been in there for 60 minutes. 

The photo is blurry, but honestly I sorta felt blurry when I got out, a GOOD kind of blurry

I sat in the lounge and had some tea (of course, what else would hippies drink, right?).  It was a nice space and the hot tea tasted good.  I read, re-starting a David Sedaris book I began years ago and didn’t finish.  My mind felt more FOCUSED.  More calm.  And my body felt so relaxed. 

David picked me up and on our ride home I kept SIGHING out loud.  Just contented, peaceful (loud) SIGHS.

So yeah, I guess I like some woo woo things.  Cuz I could totally get into floating.

Since my friend gifted ME this float, I would like to gift someone else a float.  If you live in a city where there is a float center and would like to try it (first timers only please) – EMAIL ME at kindnessactivist@gmail.com .  Tell me your name and why you want to try floating.  I will read all emails and at 10:00 pm EST March 3rd I will choose someone to gift a float to.  (March 3^rd just happens to be Beth’s birthday, the friend who gave me my gift certificate!)

Happy floating, friends.

Footnotes:

* It was like floating in the Dead Sea in Israel, only no other people in there with me :) 

**I have only ever experienced the kind of pitch blackness I had today twice in my life:  once at a restaurant in Paris called “Dans Le Noir” which is run by blind people.  It was totally dark and blind waiters served us, I loved it!  then once more in Sweden at a museum about blindness (which, sadly, might be closed now).

Butterfly Kindness

I haven’t written here for quite a long time, and I am sorry.  There has been much sadness in my world over the last 8 months, and that sadness has consumed my time, my energy, and my creativity.  I am not going to write about that today, but I promise to do so at some point.

For now, I want to tell you a little bit about my friend Carol.  The story about her is also a sad one, but I am on a plane and was looking through old photos and found one of her that made me smile, so I wanted to share the story with you.

My friend Carol

Carol was our next-door neighbor in Ormond Beach, Florida.  She and I were quite different people; she was a country girl (Kentucky), I fancy myself a city girl (DC).  She never went down to the beach (a block and a half from our homes), I live for walks on the sand.  Politically, we were polar opposites.  We were different ages.  And yet – we CLICKED.  We had fun together and every time we went to Florida I looked forward to seeing her and laughing together.   

Carol had been sick for years – she was on oxygen (though she didn’t really keep it on as much as she was supposed to…) for bad lungs.  She had other ailments, too, like shingles and pneumonia.  But it was her lungs that failed.  They were already compromised from COPD, then cancer hit.  She and the doctors did all they could, but it wasn’t too long before she and everyone around knew her days were numbered. 

Carol's flowers after a Florida rain

I was worried that I would not get to see her and say goodbye, but we arrived in Florida before she died.  Her family had moved her into a hospital bed in the “Florida room” of the house (a Florida room is a room that used to be a porch but has been closed in).  By the time we got there she was pretty much confined to the bed.  She talked to us.  We laughed.  I read her greeting cards that people sent.  I asked a rock painting group if they would make her some rocks and they did – painted beautiful, elaborate rocks for a complete stranger!  She and I liked to look at those. 

As she got worse, I would just sit by her bed and hold her hand.  I would read to her from her Bible.  And I would sing hymns to her that I could remember from my childhood.  She was very religious, and at times when she was more alert she would join in with me on the songs.  I loved those moments when she joined in with her weak, tired voice.  I can’t say the 2 of us were the prettiest sounding duet ever heard, but we “got the job done”, as Carol might have said.

Sweet friend

She fought, and she fought hard.  Hospice nurses were amazed at her tenacity and will to live.  They kept warning that she would pass “any time”, but Carol kept defying their orders and lying in that bed, raising her leg, kicking off her covers, and every once in a while giving her family and friends a slight little smile.

Before she was really sick Carol told me that she had decided she was a BUTTERLY LADY.  She explained that meant that after she died, she would come back to visit all of us as a BUTTERFLY.  She told me to know that anytime a butterfly fluttered around me, it was her popping in to say hello. 

One day I had an idea.  I would make Carol’s room a BUTTERFLY room – make what would be her death bed a place of peace and comfort.  So, I bought a bunch of little butterflies at the craft store and put them on small magnets.  The ceiling over Carol’s hospital bed was made of metal, so I stuck those butterflies allllll above her.  If she opened her weary eyes, I wanted her to know that they were there for her – Carol the Butterfly Lady.

The ceiling above Carol's bed

Carol died the next evening.  Her husband was with her, and right after she passed he came to get us.  We sat with him and cried, saying goodbye to our sweet friend.

Nothing I did for my friend was extravagant.  I simply gave her the gift of time together, of holding hands, of reading aloud, singing, and BUTTERFLIES.  I like to believe that those simple kind acts made her last days easier to bear.  I like to think she knew those butterflies were up there above her.  And I believe what she told me – that she is now a BUTTERFLY LADY. 

Sweetly, almost every day we are in Florida, at least one butterfly flutters through our yard.  And every time I see them, I smile, and say, “Hi Carol!”.

 

Hi Carol