Butterfly Kindness

I haven’t written here for quite a long time, and I am sorry.  There has been much sadness in my world over the last 8 months, and that sadness has consumed my time, my energy, and my creativity.  I am not going to write about that today, but I promise to do so at some point.

For now, I want to tell you a little bit about my friend Carol.  The story about her is also a sad one, but I am on a plane and was looking through old photos and found one of her that made me smile, so I wanted to share the story with you.

My friend Carol

Carol was our next-door neighbor in Ormond Beach, Florida.  She and I were quite different people; she was a country girl (Kentucky), I fancy myself a city girl (DC).  She never went down to the beach (a block and a half from our homes), I live for walks on the sand.  Politically, we were polar opposites.  We were different ages.  And yet – we CLICKED.  We had fun together and every time we went to Florida I looked forward to seeing her and laughing together.   

Carol had been sick for years – she was on oxygen (though she didn’t really keep it on as much as she was supposed to…) for bad lungs.  She had other ailments, too, like shingles and pneumonia.  But it was her lungs that failed.  They were already compromised from COPD, then cancer hit.  She and the doctors did all they could, but it wasn’t too long before she and everyone around knew her days were numbered. 

Carol's flowers after a Florida rain

I was worried that I would not get to see her and say goodbye, but we arrived in Florida before she died.  Her family had moved her into a hospital bed in the “Florida room” of the house (a Florida room is a room that used to be a porch but has been closed in).  By the time we got there she was pretty much confined to the bed.  She talked to us.  We laughed.  I read her greeting cards that people sent.  I asked a rock painting group if they would make her some rocks and they did – painted beautiful, elaborate rocks for a complete stranger!  She and I liked to look at those. 

As she got worse, I would just sit by her bed and hold her hand.  I would read to her from her Bible.  And I would sing hymns to her that I could remember from my childhood.  She was very religious, and at times when she was more alert she would join in with me on the songs.  I loved those moments when she joined in with her weak, tired voice.  I can’t say the 2 of us were the prettiest sounding duet ever heard, but we “got the job done”, as Carol might have said.

Sweet friend

She fought, and she fought hard.  Hospice nurses were amazed at her tenacity and will to live.  They kept warning that she would pass “any time”, but Carol kept defying their orders and lying in that bed, raising her leg, kicking off her covers, and every once in a while giving her family and friends a slight little smile.

Before she was really sick Carol told me that she had decided she was a BUTTERLY LADY.  She explained that meant that after she died, she would come back to visit all of us as a BUTTERFLY.  She told me to know that anytime a butterfly fluttered around me, it was her popping in to say hello. 

One day I had an idea.  I would make Carol’s room a BUTTERFLY room – make what would be her death bed a place of peace and comfort.  So, I bought a bunch of little butterflies at the craft store and put them on small magnets.  The ceiling over Carol’s hospital bed was made of metal, so I stuck those butterflies allllll above her.  If she opened her weary eyes, I wanted her to know that they were there for her – Carol the Butterfly Lady.

The ceiling above Carol's bed

Carol died the next evening.  Her husband was with her, and right after she passed he came to get us.  We sat with him and cried, saying goodbye to our sweet friend.

Nothing I did for my friend was extravagant.  I simply gave her the gift of time together, of holding hands, of reading aloud, singing, and BUTTERFLIES.  I like to believe that those simple kind acts made her last days easier to bear.  I like to think she knew those butterflies were up there above her.  And I believe what she told me – that she is now a BUTTERFLY LADY. 

Sweetly, almost every day we are in Florida, at least one butterfly flutters through our yard.  And every time I see them, I smile, and say, “Hi Carol!”.

 

Hi Carol