Grieving Kindness

As this project has proven, kindness comes in all shapes and sizes.  It can be grand and flashy, or it can be quite and gentle.  The Kindness Activist this story is about is one who understood in her heart the importance of LISTENING.  Attending.  Making space for others to share.  And that is just what she did.

Staci is a member of a Facebook group that I am in.  It is one that not a single member wants to be in, yet we all find ourselves there.  It is a Sibling Grief Support Group.  Sadly, the group membership grows daily (it is over 9,500), as people find it and join to try and find people who might understand their grief after losing a sister or brother.  It is a supportive group.  One topic that is raised frequently is the feeling that, as siblings, our grief is not expected by others to be as difficult or long as, say, a parent or a spouse. 

Having lost her brother, Staci understands that.  And so, the other day, on one of her rare days off work, she posted this: “So, I’ve been reading more and more about people feeling that they can no longer talk about their siblings to others. I happen to have the entire day off today. So, tell me about them. What’s their name, what was their passion, their likes, what do you love most about them, what do you miss the most about them? Post it here or you can send me a DM. But I’d love to talk about your siblings with you.”

Think hard about the KINDNESS of that post.  Staci was willing to LISTEN.  Listen to difficult things.  Expressed by strangers.  Things that no doubt would bring up some triggers for her.  And not only was she going to hold space and listen, she REPLIED.  She commented on posts as they poured it.  It was beautiful.

Staci and Seth - her little brother and best friend

  

I asked her why she took the time to use her day off to do that, and Staci told me, “Over the past few weeks, and really since I joined the group, I’ve been seeing people post about how they feel they can’t talk about their siblings to others anymore. So, I wanted to create a spot for them to do that.”  How kind!!  It takes a huge heart to be willing to be there for strangers all around the globe.  

And her responses!  She showed in her responses that she paid close attention and empathized with the writers.  She said, “I made it a point to respond to every single person. I didn’t want anyone left out.”  And to put it in perspective, this was not just a few posts.  Last she checked there were 256 answers!!

When I asked Staci if I could share this story, she (like many Kindness Activists) said she did not do it to be recognized.  But she so deserves to be!  Members of the group expressed their heartfelt thanks, like this message that was posted, “Wow, Staci, what a gift you have given all of us!  Thank you so much for this.  I cried just reading your initial post – such a kind gesture.”  And this comment someone shared, “I love this post.  It seems like at first everyone wants to know about them and after a couple months it feels like a burden to continue to talk about them, when honestly it’s all I think about every day.”  And another member wrote this about Staci’s kind gesture, “This is such a kind and thoughtful post.  Thank you, Staci.  You’ve spent your day off letting others tell you about their wonderful siblings.” 

I asked Staci how the whole experience had made her feel, and it turns out, it was not only good for the other group members, but it was good for her, too.  She said, “I felt like I was getting to meet their siblings. I loved meeting them through people that truly love them. All the stories and passions and accomplishments and personalities.” She took time to thank people who wrote, too, by posting in the group, “Thank you again for everyone telling me about your siblings.  I’ve loved meeting them through you.  And when you’re feeling lonely or sad, or just missing them, maybe thinking of this amazing memory that makes you laugh and you wanna share it – feel free to come back to this post.  I don’t get many days off and sometimes it might take me longer to reply, but I will always eventually respond.  Such amazing and beautiful people you all got to call siblings.”

Siblings FOREVER

When I asked Staci how she thought her gesture made the others in the group feel she told me,  “I hope it made them feel heard. To feel like they don’t have to be quiet. I hope it made them happy even if just for a second to relive those memories of their siblings with me. I really just wanted people to feel like someone cared. Someone was here and willing to listen and talk with you about them. To just say, ‘Hey - I know you lost them, and I’d love for you to tell me more about them,’ instead of feeling like they needed to move on or be quiet. To spread the life, love and memories of those closest to us that we’ve lost.”

As someone who lost their sister and responded to your offer to share about her, THANK YOU Staci.  I DID feel heard.  Even though I cried as I told you about my sister, I was also happy.  Happy to remember her and to “share her” with you.

I am sorry that you lost your brother – your best friend and partner in mischief.  If you ever want to sit down and tell me about him, I am all ears.  Thanks for paving the way to let people open up their hearts and share their stories.