Hugs of Kindness

Sometimes it seems like I end up at the “right place at the perfect time” an awful lot.

But I got to thinking about it the other night, and I came to this conclusion:

It is not that I end up at the right place at the perfect time any more than other people, it may just be that I notice it more than others.  I have my receptors in tune.  I have, as I like to think of it, my eyes open and my heart open.  And when that happens, well, you can find yourself in some amazing situations.

The one I want to share with you now is from Christmas Eve.  My partner David and I were doing last minute grocery shopping.  We had been far too busy with the Santa Project to think of what we would eat for the holidays.  But as the realization that stores would close in just a couple of hours hit, we headed to the grocery.

We picked up what we needed and were checking out.  “David, maybe we should pay for the person in line behind us,” I whispered to him as we were finishing up.  After all, it was Christmas Eve.

We stalled a bit with our items while the cashier rang up the woman behind us’ purchases.  I was all set to pay for her, but something just didn’t feel right.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I felt that this was not the time, or it was not the person.  Whatever it was, I put the credit card back in wallet and we turned to go.

And that’s when I saw her.

One aisle over, waiting for the cashier to check out her groceries, was an older woman.  She was wearing shorts on a cold evening, with leg warmers pulled up to her knees.  And she was shaking.

I was not sure if the shakes were from the temperature or a tremor, but she was standing in the grocery store shaking.

I looked at David.  He looked at me.  And with twinkles in our eyes, we knew that this was right.  This was the moment.  This was why the universe had put us in that store at that time.  To be kind to her.

I walked up to her and said something like, “Excuse me ma’am.  It is Christmas Eve.  Would it be ok if we gave you the gift of paying for your groceries tonight?”.

She looked at me briefly, then turned back to her wallet.  The cashier looked at us.  I wasn’t sure if the shopper had understood what I said.  “Ma’am, we would like to pay for your groceries tonight.  Is that alright?” I asked gently.

Now she turned to look at us full on.  Her face looked confused, but she understood.  “Well now, you don’t have to do that,” she said.

“Of course we don’t have to,” I replied, “But we want to.  It is Christmas Eve.  We want to give you a gift.”

She accepted the gift.  We paid.  The cashier gave us a smile as we helped put the full bags back in her cart.

And that’s when she leaned her skinny little body next to mine and reached out her thin arms.  She came in for the biggest embrace. 

So, there we stood – two strangers hugging on Christmas Eve.  Blocking the aisle so the person behind her could not proceed.  But they sensed the need – they were patient.

When our hug ended, I asked, “How are you getting home?  Do you have a car here?”.

Indeed she did – she was parked out in the lot.  “We’ll walk out with you and help you load up your car,” we told her.

And off we went out into the cold.  She was a slow walker, but that was fine with us, we were not in any hurry.  She lost her car so we had to explore a bit in the lot to find it, but that was ok with us.  Her car was old so she didn’t have a button to push to make it honk to help find it, so we walked slowly and hunted.

When we found the car, she turned to hug me again, tears in her eyes.  “You don’t understand,” she said, “I needed this.  You see, I just got diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver.  And a blood clot,” she said, tears streaming down her face. 

More hugs – tight, tight hugs.  Tears. 

We helped her load the groceries into the back seat.  I couldn’t see inside, but David later reported that she may have been living in the car.  He saw blankets and a pillow.  And when I thought back to what she bought, I think he may be right.  She had juices that do not need to be refrigerated.  Snacks of chips and nuts.  Tubs of potato salad, pre-made sandwiches, and other things from the deli that did not need to be cooked.

We said goodbye and Merry Christmas and parted ways.

I hope she has housing and is not living in her car.

I hope that her medical treatments are effective.

I hope that the hugs we gave her will help her get through the next few weeks.

And I hope that she is in the perfect place at the perfect time again sometime soon.

As for me, I will keep my eyes open and my heart open.  I will continue to talk to strangers, hug them even. 

And I will continue to spread kindness.  One tub of potato salad at a time.

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $131.60 

 

 

(This lovely angel was made mostly of rolled paper by a kind neighbor and given to us for Christmas.)

Holidays Are For Everyone

In this season of plenty, this time of excess – lights, music, cookies, candy, wrapping paper, bows, turkeys…

It is easy to forget that there are some who have nothing.

And for them, instead of a season of joy and song, this season is one of cold. 

It’s easy to forget them.  And for some, sometimes easier to ignore them. 

Because acknowledging them means acknowledging the inequity in our country.  The sad reality that some have much, and some have none. 

We live in the 7^th wealthiest county in America, Arlington, Virginia.  The average median income here is $132,380.

Yet, there are people who come to the Little Yellow Free Pantry outside our home 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

Some of our visitors have housing.  They may rent an apartment for their family.  Perhaps they are working 2, maybe 3 jobs.  But still that is not enough income to pay the rent, the utilities, the gas, and put food on the table.

Some of our visitors rent a room in a house.  They have a bed, a bathroom, but no access to a kitchen, only a small fridge, microwave, or hotplate in the room.

Some of our guests live in their cars.  One lives in his van – lost his home in a fire and had no insurance.  With these people, we see the back seats filled with all of their belongings – coat, pillow, food, toilet paper.

And some of our guests have no indoor place to call home.  They live in the woods, on the street, in a bus stop, in a store front after the business closes for the night.

It is COLD these days.  Tonight the low is 36 degrees, tomorrow 32.  Some people go into the shelter for the night but others brave the weather and stay outdoors.

During these cold spells, sometimes I quietly complain about having to go out and put food in the pantry.  On days it is raining, or the steps are icy, I sometimes get cranky.  Then I think, “Susan, you will be outside in the freezing weather for 5 minutes.  The people who need this food may be out in it all night.  Get to work”.

One of our guests is a very mild mannered, quiet, polite person who is experiencing homelessness.  They immigrated to America, and I am quite certain that living on the street is not what they imagined when they dreamed of a new life here.  They come for food and if I see them, I make sure to go out and talk and make a special bag for them.  You see, they collect food not only for themselves, but for another person who does not have housing and lives outdoors but is not healthy enough to come to the pantry. 

Yesterday when they came I noticed they had no gloves, no mittens.  “Your hands are cold!  Do you have mittens?” I asked.  “No ma’am, I do not,” they told me.

I had just given them a holiday gift – one for them and one for their friend.  And inside it – gloves.  They didn’t know it yet, but they had gloves…

You see, last month I begrudgingly took on a project.  I didn’t want to do it, just like sometimes I do not want to brave the cold to fill up the pantry.  But someone from a local synagogue reached out and asked if there was something they could do to help Kindness Activist.  They wanted to do a mitzvah.  But they had specific parameters and if it was to happen, it would be me who would have to organize it.

Only, I was in the midst of the Santa Project.  And the advent/countdown calendar.  And work.  And the usual tasks of life like paying bills and replying to emails.  And I didn’t think I could add another thing to my already full plate.

But I took a step back and looked at it all.  Here was a group of people who really wanted to help, they just needed a prompt, a mission.  Like so many, they wanted to get involved and give back but they weren’t sure how to do it.

So, I set about planning.

I decided that gifts for people experiencing homelessness would be perfect.  And not just any gift.  At the holidays many people are generous and hand out food or stocking hats or socks to people who are homeless.  But no – these needed to be PROPER PRESENTS.  Respectful gifts.  Gifts that would be useful but also acknowledge the recipient’s humanity, not just their need.

I asked the person from the synagogue if they would be willing to wrap the gifts.  Kindness Activist would supply everything – wrapping paper, boxes, tape, presents – they simply needed to provide the effort (and the scissors).

On December 15^th they set to work making gift bags for 20 people.  In the bags are:

A stocking hat

A flashlight

Extra batteries

Lip balm

Beef jerky

A Starbucks canned drink

A deck of cards

Nail clippers

Tic Tacs

A chocolate bar

A pair of socks

Hand warmers

A pen

A notebook

A bag of Hershey kisses

And a holiday note or drawing from a local child

The volunteers wrapped each of the items so that the people who got them would have lots to open.  They lovingly put them into big, beautiful bags. 

And this week I got to hand out the first 2. 

The person was happy to receive them.  They didn’t have any idea what was inside and used the pretty bags to carry all of the other groceries they got – soup, meat, fruit, drinks, cookies.  I like to imagine what they must have thought when they got back to their spot and took a peek inside.  Did they open all of the gifts at once?  Did they savor them and open one per day? 

We have 18 more bags to hand out today and tomorrow.  I know one goes to the person who has no housing who comes to the pantry and I make coffee for – no sugar, just milk.  Last time they came they, like the other guest, had no mittens or gloves.  But in the freezing cold we saw that their hands were covered in nylon men’s socks.  Those could not provide much warmth but they are better than hands exposed to the frigid air.  It is not easy holding a piping hot cup of coffee and a cup of hot soup with socks on your hands, but they managed.

I am grateful.  Grateful for my home and my pillow and my running water and my mittens.

And I am embarrassed.  Ashamed to have so much when some have so little.

So I will share these gifts.  I will spread a message of happy holidays. 

And I will hope for better days ahead for these friends.

Special thank you to Congregation Etz Hayem for reaching out, wrapping many gifts, and helping make the holiday season a bit more bright for some members of our community.  And special thanks to the children who made artwork to be included in the packages.

Kindness Activist funds used:  $320.75 ($16.04 per gift)

The reminder that we all deserve joy and a little gift: priceless

Feliz Navidad Indeed

People often reach out to us at Kindness Activist to see if we can use something they have in our efforts to spread kindness.  This happens especially frequently this time of year – the holiday season.

Well, we recently got an offer that we couldn’t refuse.  One that helped put the JOY into the holiday for one family.

A very kind neighbor who shares a name with me, Susan, reached out saying that she had won a certificate for a free Christmas tree!  Instead of using it to get a tree for her home, she asked if we would like it so that we could find a family in need who might enjoy it.

Challenge accepted.

 

We first offered it to a family we know that is going through a very difficult period.  They were not up for the challenge of setting up and decorating a tree this year (which I understand totally). 

 

We watched visitors coming to the Little Yellow Free Pantry, trying to identify someone there who might benefit from it.  The problem is they would need a vehicle to transport it and a large space to put it up.  Those are things that many of our guests do not have.

 

We are very, very busy right now with the Santa Project (an annual event we host where children write letters to Santa).  Between organizing gifts and writing return letters from Santa for over 200 children, there are many days in December where I don’t leave the house except to fill the pantry, set out the daily poll on the corner, and chat with guests coming to get treats from the countdown calendar on our porch (it is day 17 today, and the treats are goodies!!)

 

But we had the certificate in hand and we needed to find a family for it before the live trees were all sold out, so off we went to the Optimist Club tree lot one sunny Sunday afternoon.  It was a great excuse to get out of the house actually.

 

Shhh - we have a certificate for an amazing free Christmas tree!!!

Only, it turned out the tree lot was in a wealthy part of town.  The trees were gorgeous, but very expensive, and the people coming to buy them there were able to afford them without any problem. 

 

One thing about Kindness Activist is that we are an organization is that it is not needs based.  We believe that every human being can benefit from kindness.  That’s why we often surprise people by doing things like paying for their groceries – we know they have the money to cover them or they wouldn’t be checking out, but they are inspired and delighted to receive kindness. 

 

But this particular act of kindness – surprising someone with a free Christmas tree – this one felt as if it should go to a family in need.  And it didn’t look like we were going to find such a family at the Optimist Club tree lot.  We talked it over and decided to head to the closest Home Depot and see if we might be able to make the magic work there.

 

And it certainly did work.

 

It didn’t take long to find a sweet family looking at trees.  We watched them a bit to make sure they were in the market for a BIG one (the certificate was good for a 7-foot tree!!).  And then we approached…

 

Sometimes offering a kindness such as this is delicate.  We do not want the receiver to feel that we are looking down on them, that we are pitying them.  After all, they do not know who we are and that we like to spread kindness wherever we go.  To them we are just 2 random people approaching them smiling.

 

We did not share a common language, but one of the children was able to interpret (and from the look of things it seemed like they often functioned in that role).  We asked if they were shopping for a tree and explained that we would like to give them this certificate that would allow them to get a free tree.  “Not here,” we told them, “You would need to drive about 10 minutes.  The address is here on the paper,” we showed them.

 

The child interpreted, smiles in her eyes, as the parents looked over the certificate.  They nodded.  “Yes!  Yes!” they said.

 

“Feliz Navidad!  Merry Christmas!” we told them as we left to come back home.

 

I turned back to see them standing amidst the Christmas trees.  They looked a bit stunned, but happy.  I am guessing they followed us to the parking lot very quickly and made their way to the other tree lot.

 

I hope they ended up with the most beautiful Christmas tree ever and that their holiday season is filled with even more wonder and magic.

 

Feliz Navidad everyone. 

 

Feliz Navidad.

Counting Down to Kindness

When you do a kind act, you have no idea the effect it has on others.

And it can be something so simple, so quick, so inexpensive.  Helping someone get something off a high shelf at the grocery store.  Complimenting someone's winter hat.  Pitching in $5 to help someone who doesn't have quite enough to pay for their purchase.

Since beginning Kindness Activist years ago, spreading kindness has become so ingrained in my life that sometimes I forget to pause and take note of it.  It is just part of everyday life around here.  And that's when I am thankful that something happens to remind me: stop.  Breathe.  Look.  FEEL.  Feel the effect that putting kindness into the world has.  Let that warmth resonate.  Let it give you energy to keep going.

I got one last night - a gentle reminder.  I didn't realize it, but I needed it.  Here's what happened.

Kindness Activist purchased 17 advent calendars at Trader Joe's when they first came out late October.  I like advent calendars - I don't remember doing them growing up, but as an adult, I like the repetition and certainty of them.  Counting down, one by one.  Calming.  And also exciting - getting closer and closer to the anticipated date.

If you shop at Trader Joe's, you know these calendars are not expensive.  They are a loss-leader for the store to get people in (like me!) who will pile many more items in their cart before they check-out.  

Yesterday was December 1st - the beginning of advent calendar season.  We had a super busy day and honestly, had forgotten to bring the box of calendars back to our home from storage.  Late in the afternoon we remembered, and David ran over to pick them up.

I posted in the neighborhood group - 17 advent calendars up for grabs!  Come get them - one per child per household.  Must come tonight.

People commented immediately, very excited to score the treats.  One comment stood out.  Someone wrote:  "We have two kids - this would make their month/year.  Can pick up right away since I'm just down the street".  I replied that I would hold 2 for them, and before long the father knocked on our door.  

I showed him the calendars and had him choose which 2 were best for his kids.  He took them with such care and made eye contact with me.  "Thank you.  Thank you so much.  My kids will be so happy.  I lost my job a few months ago...  We've already told the kids that Christmas will be lean this year.  So, you can't understand how thankful I am for these calendars."

Such a simple gesture - pick up cheap advent calendars and share the joy.

But it is impossible to predict what an effect it would have.  

To me - it was an advent calendar.  To that family - it was a small piece of normalcy.  A glimmer of hope.  An unexpected bit of magic.

Thank you for the reminder, sir.  It gave me the fuel I need to get through this week.  

I will continue the mission - I will spread kindness.  And I will hold your family in my heart and do all I can to make your holiday season a happy one.

Kindness Activist funds spent - $23.25 ($1.37 per calendar)

Reminder of the importance of spreading kindness - priceless