The Kindness Dance

Thanks to my friend Ixel, a flop became a hit.  And I am ever so happy and proud.

Last summer, I had the idea to recreate something fun that we did during Covid.  David and I would choreograph a dance, film us doing it (with instructions), post it to our neighborhood Facebook page, and neighbors would film themselves doing it.  They would then send their videos to me and I would edit them all together into one fun video.  It was so cool when we did it during Covid, I figured it was time to do it again!

Only, no one else figured it was time.

It flopped.  The only people who filmed themselves doing it were David and me (on the beach even!), and young friends Ixel and John (aka Baby John).  Baby John was really into the Charleston part, and Ixel was a specialist at the freestyle part (no choreography needed, the “do your own thing” part). 

But I figured I couldn’t make a video with just US and our 2 friends, so I dropped the whole idea.  It was, as they say, a kindness flop.  I was disappointed, but oh well.  Not all ideas work out.

Fast forward about 5 months…

Ixel mentioned “The Kindness Dance”.

I honestly didn’t know what she was talking about.  Kindness Dance???  New to me.

Only, it wasn’t new.  It was the dance from the summer, and in her mind, it was called The Kindness Dance. 

And she became fixated on it. 

She practiced her freestyle parts daily.

She made costumes.

She had a whole story line in her head.

And, one day, she proclaimed it was TIME to perform! 

“When is the Kindness Dance???” she asked me (a question I think she had been badgering her mom with quite a lot).

Well, ummm, I hadn’t thought of actually performing it.  I mean, it was supposed to just be a fun video thing…  But to actually perform it??

But Ixel would not take no for an answer.  She had plans.  In her mind, it was all ready for an audience!!

Only, we had no space…  And it is far too cold to do it outside…

She even picked a DATE!  Like, the girl was ready, and the whole back-end actual PLANNING and logistics hadn’t happened.

But the more her mom and I thought about it, the more we knew – the Kindness Dance was going to be a real live thing.

We booked a room at the local community center.  Ixel had told us she would need 3 hours to get ready, you know, what with make-up and costumes…  But the adults figured 2.5 hours total should do it. 

Ixel made a poster.

Kindness Activist was a co-sponsor, along with "Ixel's Ballet Studio"

She made a list of characters.

She made headpieces for many of the performers.

And she made AN ENTIRE OUTFIT!  Everything!  She made a leotard, a skirt, and a headpiece!  And folks, this was costume number TWO!  Yes, she had a costume change mid-song!  While us background dancers were grooving away, she ran to the side and pulled off costume number one, with the big reveal of costume number two!!!!  This girl was on fire!!

Tonight was the night.  She told me a couple of weeks ago that there would be “lots of people there to watch”, so I confess I was a bit nervous thinking that there might be more dancers on “stage” than there were butts in seats.  But I was wrong!  26 people (special invitation only) came out on this cold night to watch us (well, mostly to watch Ixel) dance to Bruno Mars singing “Uptown Funk” while disco lights shone.

Cast list (as you can see, David played the role of David)

Ixel wrote her own intro and delivered it with a microphone.

John, playing the role of the Crystal King, decided at the last minute that he would sit out (he complained that his crown was hurting his head, not sure if that was an excuse or not).  He sat down on stage as we danced, then ran around a bit 😊 . 

"Baby" John in crown handmade by his big sister

And Ixel.  Ixel was so happy. And so proud.  To see her shine like that – spinning and spinning and spinning.  It was beautiful (and not just the dancing, her heart was beautiful as well). 

Pre-show spinning

And her friends there supporting her – so sweet.  When the official performance was finished the dance floor opened up to all guests, and we rocked out.

Post-show dancing (costume number 3)

Tonight was a good lesson for me.  Sometimes even flops can turn into something special.  No, there was not a neighborhood video this time.  But the community came out, and the result was 100 times more special than planned.

The cast.  Crystal King minus his crown, Ixel in costume number 3, and me in costume number 2

Ixi as Sunshine

Susan as Flower and David as, well, as David

Oh, and hey.  As we were leaving tonight Ixel announced that the Kindness Dance is going to be an annual thing.

And you know, when Ixel says something, that girl makes it happen.

 

See you on the dance floor next year.

And now for your viewing pleasure, may I present, Ixel, starring in the Kindness Dance (not the whole dance)!

Kindness funds spent:  $67

P.S.- special shout out to the techie and DJ, Mac, for keeping the lights flashing and the music blasting.

 

A Single Boot

I looked out the kitchen window, me safe and snug in my warm house, and I saw a boot.

A single boot. 

A gray rubber boot.

Next to it, a foot wrapped with plastic.

That’s our view of the Little Yellow Free Pantry from the kitchen window – we see guests from the knees down.  The pantry covers the rest of their bodies and their faces, which sometimes leaves us to guess who the visitor might be.

“David, look.  Their foot is wrapped in plastic…”

 

They stood at the pantry looking at their choices.  They were one of few people brave enough to get out in the cold today and come for supplies.  And the ICE – the sidewalks are slippery and some have not been shoveled.

 

Yet there they were.  One foot in a rain boot.  One foot in plastic.

 

I bundled up in my coat and went out to greet them to see what else they might need.  When I could see more than their feet, I recognized them immediately.  It was one of our guests who lives in their car.

 

“Do you need BOOTS??” I blurted without even thinking if the question might be disrespectful.

 

“Yeah.  Yeah.  I could only find ONE,” they said, pointing to their rainboot.  “And this other foot is broken…  It is in a tennis shoe.”

 

One boot, not insulated.  One broken foot.  A tennis shoe wrapped in plastic.

 

“What size are you?” I asked, hoping that we might have a pair of warm boots for them.

 

They told me their size, and I asked what other winter things they might need.  I made a mental list, asked them to please wait for me, and ran downstairs to see what we had.

 

First – boots.  I was so disappointed to see the only boots left are kids and smaller adult ones.  That made me sad, but I started collecting the other items.  Big fluffy down coat – check.  Warm socks – check.  Warm hat – check.  Hand warmers – check.  Gloves – check.

 

As I was turning to rush back upstairs, I saw a shoe box…

 

I opened it and found a BRAND-NEW pair of beautiful, warm boots that were the right size.  Yes!

 

I carried everything out to the porch and found the guest hunting for a sock.  They had found one on our porch (leftover from yesterday – it had been covered in ice), and were hunting for the mate. 

 

“I found a sock,” they told me.

 

“Hey, I brought you 2 pairs of warm socks!  Here!” I said as I handed them over.

 

The coat was received with gratitude.  I demonstrated how the hat had a liner inside to make it even warmer.  They looked through the basket of mittens and chose the work gloves plus a pair of large mittens designed to be worn over gloves.

 

“And hold on a minute – I have some boots that might work, too!  I will grab them,” I told the visitor. 

 

Their eyes lit up when they saw the beautiful new winter boots, tags still attached.

 

“These are the size you asked for.  I think they will fit your good foot, but I am not sure about the broken one.  How about you take them and try them?  If they work, great.  If not, please bring them back for someone else.”

 

I asked what other food they might need that they hadn’t found in the pantry, but they said they had enough.  Really, I think they were probably overwhelmed with all of the winter gear and didn’t want to ask for more.

 

This person could be me.

 

They appear to be about my age.

They are always clean.

They are quiet and polite.

They told me once that they had a house or apartment, if I remember right, they had a fire and lost everything.

They seem smart.

Don’t appear to have a mental illness.

They just, as they told me one time, “Have had a hard couple of years”.

 

This person could be you. 

 

It could so easily be any of us.

 

Broken foot covered in plastic.  Walking on ice. 

 

Living in their vehicle.

 

I can’t imagine how cold that must be.  Sure, they can turn on the motor sometimes and run the heat, but I bet that is not often.  Can’t waste fuel that might be needed to actually go somewhere. 

 

I came inside and cried.

 

This work warms my soul and breaks my heart at the same time.

 

Thank you to all who support Kindness Activist.  Because of your generosity, we persist.

 

Thank you to whoever donated those fantastic warm boots.

Thank you to those who brought over coats and scarves and other winter gear.

Thank you to people who bring over or order food to help us keep the pantry filled.

Thank you to those who donated fancy gowns and jewelry for the Fancy Outfit Library so that neighbors can borrow them.

Thank you to neighbors who show up at our events.  Neighbors who pay to get their nails painted by our young helpers, who stand in line to buy a cup of cocoa from June Bug, who shop at our fundraisers and online auctions, who buy plants at the plant sales and get photos taken at the kindness photo days.

 

And thank you to the amazing people who donate money.  The funds you so graciously give keep us alive. 

 

Soul warming.

Heart breaking.

 

It is possible for both of those to exist simultaneously.

 

P.S. – A word on donations:

- Monetary donations are tax deductible and can be made via PayPal, Venmo, or check.  Any amount is greatly appreciated and will be used to spread kindness.  Donation info can be found here:  Donations – KindnessActivist

- Donations for the Little Yellow Free Pantry should be placed in the tan and green plastic bin on our front porch.  If they are ordered from the Amazon wish list they will ship directly to us.  Link to shopping list of most currently needed items and wish list here:  LittleYellow Free Pantry - Google Docs

- The donation window for Project Warmth (winter clothing) has closed for the season.

- We are not currently accepting donations of clothing (fancy or otherwise) or household items.

Your Prescription Is Ready

One thing I have always wanted to use Kindness Activist funds for is to pay for people’s prescriptions.  I just think it would be such a good way to treat people kindly, don’t you?

But I have found over the years that it is actually quite difficult to do.  It feels like you are violating someone’s privacy to go up behind them at the pharmacy check-out and offer to pay for their meds.  I don’t know, maybe I could ask them before they approach the pick-up window…  It just feels like a HIPAA violation or something.  In all the years I have been doing Kindness Activist work, I think I have only managed to pull off paying for prescriptions twice.

Well, three times now.

Because yesterday, a perfect opportunity presented itself, and I went for it.

I was at the CVS in Target to pick-up my prescription.  I must’ve gone at the ideal time, because for once there was not a single person in line!  The pharmacy tech seemed to be ringing someone up, but the person was not standing at the register.  Odd.

Then I heard, “Hello?  Hello?  Can you hear me?” and I saw an elderly gentleman seated in a chair across from the cash register and talking on his cell phone.  The pharmacy worker smiled at him and gestured that his order was ready and it was time to pay.

“Ahhh, can you let her go ahead of me?” he said, pointing at me.  “Cuz it’s gonna take me a LONG time to get outta this chair”. 

That’s when I took it all in. 

This sweet elderly man had sat himself down in a curved plastic chair with no arms.  It was as if it was conforming to his body – his back curved a bit to snuggle into the chair.  Beside him was an old cane and a small red, dirty first aid kit with things written all over it in black Sharpie.  And in his hand, the cell phone.

The CVS employee had already begun ringing in his order, so instead of her having to cancel it, I looked at the man and said, “Sir, I would be happy to pay for your medicine.  Is that ok with you?”.

“Well yes!!” he said happily.  “Yes, you can.  It ain’t gonna be but a dollar or two anyway”.

I smiled at the pharmacy tech and nodded that she could complete the transaction. 

While she was keying everything in, we listened to the man. 

“Hello??  HELLO??  Yea.  Yea.  I can hear you.  Can you hear ME??” he said a few times.

The employee and I smiled and I said quietly, “We can hear you!”.

The total was ready - $16.59. Not quite the “dollar or two” he had anticipated.  The cashier looked at me, wondering if I would still foot the bill.  I smiled and inserted the credit card.

The pharmacist was working in the back but caught wind of what was happening.  She made eye contact with me, smiled, and silently thanked me.

I picked up the brown bag with the medicine inside and turned around. 

“Mr….” I quickly looked at the name on the Rx.  “Mr. Clinton, your prescription is ready,” I told him, smiling.

He thanked me, I picked up my own medicine, and walked away, him still stuck in the chair and talking loudly on his phone.

It wasn’t much.  Under $20.  But it was kind.

And it was the best $16.59 I have spent all month.

P.S. – I am not sure HOW he managed to get himself out of that chair, but he did it.  I peeked after I did the rest of my shopping and he had moved on.

Pausing for Kindness

Checking my phone today, I saw there was an alert that I had been tagged on Facebook.  Now, that can be a good thing, or that can be a bad thing…  I checked to see which this was, and found this post:

“In the spirit of cutest things, my littlest wants to spread some kindness and made a collection of gifts to share with neighbors. It would mean a lot if that box was empty later. He even wrapped the gifts. Feels very much inspired by Susan Thompson-Gaines.  The gift station is near our driveway at (location). I have no idea what is in here, but it’s the thought that counts?”

Heart.  Melt.  I couldn’t shower and get dressed soon enough.  I needed a gift from the special box!!

By the time I got my act together to go check it out, the box had been brought inside due to snow (don’t want the secret gifts to get wet now, do you??).  But that was a-ok by me, because I had hoped to get to talk to the kid behind the kindness anyway, Rex.

His mom called for him to tell him he had a visitor and he came running.  I explained that I had heard about his box of gifts and was hoping to get one.  He laid the box out in front of me – closed so I could read the note.

“Please take one gigt for FREE (big heart).  Have a nice day.  Open this box.”  Then, this part must’ve been a bit of an afterthought, the note said, “Also we take one of those from there” with a small arrow pointing to the right.  To the LEFT of the box he had stacked up some painted wooden pieces.  His mom reminded him to check the direction of the arrow, and he quickly moved the extra gifts to the correct side so that I could follow the instructions 😊 .

I eagerly opened the box.  I was curious what sort of magical mysteries he had wrapped!!  I narrowed it down to 3 gifts then asked Rex and his BFF Lucia help me decide.  My gifts were great!  I got a pen (branded from an old race for Sherriff) and a super shiny smooth rock.  Then I chose a Halloween decoration that he had painted that featured a snake.

I had some questions for this kind kid, and he agreed to an interview.

I asked my buddy what he was doing today and he said he wrapped up some special things. 

“How did you pick what things you would wrap up?” I asked, genuinely curious. 

His answer was as honest as kids his age get.  “They are just, umm, stuff that I didn’t want any more…”.  😊

 

I pointed out that the rock he gave me seemed extra special.  Rex’s family collects rocks with hearts on them, and he showed me that the one I scored has a “kind of a heart” on it.  I explained to him that outside our house we host the Poll of the Day and that people use rocks and gems I put out as voting pieces. 

“The rule is that people that vote outside our house,” I explained, “can take one rock or gem a day.  So, the thing is.  YOU gave this special rock to ME, I am gonna put it there at the poll, and I bet somebody else will take it.  So, the kindness will just keep going.”

That idea made us both smile.

 

His friend told me that she had helped pick out the things to give-away, but none were hers, they all belonged to Rex, including the very special paper they used to wrap everything.  Turns out that was origami paper that Santa had brought.  Isn’t it sweet of him to share that with others?

I was so glad that his mom had tagged me.  I likely would not have seen the post if she hadn’t, and would’ve missed out on the magical kindness.

It was all so simple really.

Kid rummages through his house and picks out gifts (or, as Rex told me, things he didn’t really want anymore).

 

Friends wrap the gifts.  I bet that took quite a while.

Then to find a box to put them all in…

 

Then make the SIGN to go on top.  I wasn’t there when that happened, but I have a feeling that was super fun.

Then to place it all outside and hope, hope, hope people stop and get involved!!

Because that is where the magic happens really.  When passersby not only open their eyes and physically see the “ask” but open their hearts and take time to stop and engage.

Sometimes all it takes to be kind is to wrap up some leftover stuff.

 

Or to pause for a moment in your day to graciously accept a gift from a 6-year-old.

 

Want a bit of unsolicited advice about kindness?

1.     Never pass up a lemonade or hot chocolate stand.  Even if the lemonade is made from powder and the hot chocolate is made with water (not milk), the $1.00 you spend will brighten that kid’s day.

2.     Keep your eyes and your heart open.  Opportunities to be kind are quite literally all around us.  Sadly, most people don’t notice them.

3.     Model kindness.  Because kids are watching. 

It’s simple really.  Just be kind.

 

P.S. – Rex’s mom texted me after I left to say, “You made his whole day, which he needed! It’s been a rough few weeks over here. He put on the sweatshirt you gave him immediately.”

Kindness Rejections

Last night we had the virtual monthly meeting of the Kindness Book Club (yes, there is a Kindness Book Club!!).  We are reading a book called “A Year of Living Kindly” by Donna Cameron.  The book is split into 12 sections, which makes it perfect to meet monthly to discuss.

Our topic this meeting was “Resistance to Kindness”.  If you have never sat down to ponder it (or read Ms. Cameron’s book), you might not have considered that there are, indeed, barriers and resistance to kindness.  And that resistance applies in both directions – in GIVING and in RECEIVING kindness. 

It was an interesting read and even better to talk about with the other group members.  The author examined the topic from several angles.  For example, let’s say someone pays you a compliment.  Compliments are KINDNESS in action.  The book quotes another author, Dr. Dale Turner, who said, “When someone gives you a compliment in words, don’t disagree or minimize what he said, for words are gifts, too.  Accept them gracefully, even if you don’t think you deserve them…  A compliment is a gift not to be thrown away carelessly unless you want to hurt the giver”. 

Oh my – that shines a different light on my (and many other females’) often instant reaction to compliments.  “Susan – your outfit is so cute today!” a friend might say.  To which I may respond, “Oh, this?  I got it free from a neighbor.  It doesn’t really fit me that great…”.  Or if someone compliments my work as an interpreter.  “Hey, you were amazing interpreting that meeting.  It went so smoothly, and your word choices were terrific”.  To which I often say things like, “Oh thanks…  But ugh.  I could not think of the English word for that sign.  I felt like I was fumbling trying to piece that one sentence together…” or some other derogatory comment about my own work. 

When I (when WE) do that, we unconsciously offend the compliment giver.  In a sense, we take the beautifully wrapped compliment they handed us, shake the box around a bit, and hand the present right back to them.  Rude, right?

Another chapter talked about how no kindness is ever too small, and that we should be on the look-out for “TNT”s – Tiny Noticeable Things.  They are the small bits of kindness that are scattered throughout our day that many of us are too busy to notice.  TNTs are not big, grand gestures.  They are the opposite – little things that we can do (or receive) that, if we notice them, can make the world a better place.  Because, you see, these TNTs add up.  One smile from a stranger.  One wave from a child on a bus.  One person holding the door…  Tiny thing compounded with another tiny thing added to yet another tiny thing…  Until, if we are observant, they are not TINY anymore, but they have grown into a great big blob of kindness! 

But the chapter that held my attention most was the one about the phenomenon of people REJECTING the kindness that we offer them.  Oh, that subject hit home with me!

We often have our efforts rejected in our work with Kindness Activist.  That is something I didn’t expect when I set out on this adventure.  I guess I subconsciously just assumed that if we were to OFFER kindness to someone, they would of course ACCEPT it.  But I have learned that is not the case…

·      The people in grocery stores who refuse to let us pay for their order.

·      The people in cars at the red light who won’t roll down their windows when we smile and hold up a sign saying HAPPY PI DAY and try to give them a pie.

·      The strangers who refuse to make eye contact, let alone return my greeting, when I smile and say hello to them.

People reject kindness often.  That’s why when I talk with groups about Kindness Activist, I often say you have to be willing to fail at giving kindness.  You have to have thick skin to be kind.  You have to be brave! 

In “A Year of Living Kindly”, the author talks about how once the kindness we have offered is rejected by someone, it may make it difficult for us to try again the next time.  We may hesitate.  After all, no one likes feeling scorned.

I know that this is true in our kindness work.  I recall times when we offered to pay for someone’s groceries and they said no (usually it is a polite no, but a no none the less).  It’s so awkward!!  We are literally standing right next to them.  Where do we move to?  What do we say?  What do we do??  AWKWARD! 

What we usually do is walk away (feeling embarrassed).  We re-group.  And we look for another person to be kind to.  Only, once we have failed at giving kindness, we are not as eager to get back on the horse and try again…  I come up with LOTS of excuses in my head.  “Oh, that person will not accept if we offer – they have quite a lot of groceries and they will think it is too much money…”.  And, “Oh, let’s not ask that man.  Men always say no!” (which is a gross overgeneralization, but honestly, men do reject our offers of kindness more often than women do).  I am embarrassed to admit that we have sometimes given up and just left the store after being rejected.  (We always try again another time, but I feel more trepidatious and less excited…)

I tell you about these failures because I wanted to share a story of something that happened just today.  I failed at kindness today.  But I didn’t give up this time!  And I think that is because we had talked about this very topic at book club last night.

This morning, I saw a post in a large Facebook group called “Arlington Neighbors Helping Each Other”, a group that has 51,600 members.  A woman wrote explaining that she had taken down her previous post because of the mean spirited, negative comments that were made on it. 

I had not seen the original post, but could surmise from comments on the newer one that it had been about warning neighbors of a potentially dangerous situation at a local school.  The woman felt attacked by some commenters, so much so that she cried at work.

I felt angry.  I was mad that people felt emboldened to attack her for what she had said, especially in a group literally named “Neighbors Helping Each Other”. 

But after I got mad, I commented.  I told her that I was sorry people had been mean and disrespectful to her.  And I asked her to please check her messages because I was writing to her.

Because… 

I realized that this sad situation presented a perfect opportunity for KINDNESS! 

I wrote: “Hi there. I just saw your post in the Arlington Neighbors page. I didn't see the deleted post, but I want to say that I'm sorry people were nasty and mean.  I used to think our town was somehow different and that hatred wouldn't get here, but sadly it has.  I founded and run a non-profit called Kindness Activist. We exist to spread kindness. I know it's not much, and it's not like it will change the world, but we would love to treat you to lunch today. We can have something delivered.”

I was excited to see when she had read the message.  But then her rejection of my kindness popped in…

“Hi Susan! Thank you for reaching out! I really appreciate the offer, but maybe that lunch can be given to someone more in need! I think with everything going on it just makes me sad.  …The comments on the post just got to me.”

Dang!  Rejection.

Only, because we had talked through this very topic last night, I decided to give it one more shot.  Yes, I was a bit embarrassed and I didn’t want to seem like I was groveling.  And maybe it was easier to try a 2^nd time because this was over a keyboard and not standing next to her at a restaurant…

So, I said, “Our philosophy is that EVERYONE deserves kindness!  Some of our work is needs based, but some is what we like to call "magic based". We would love to gift you lunch if you are open to it, just to add a tiny ray of sunshine to your crappy day.”

She read my message.

She seemed to think about it for a moment…

AND THEN SHE ACCEPTED!

It worked!  Being brave enough to offer a 2^nd time (with more explanation) gave her the opportunity to accept the gift.  I was so happy!

She told me her order, I placed it via UberEats, and a short while later I presume she was sitting down and eating that tasty lunch. 

I share this story to remind you to be kind. 

Even when it is hard.

Even when you get rejected.

Even if it seems like it is a teeny tiny kindness that certainly can’t really make a difference…

Because acts of kindness DO make a difference. 

One grand act of kindness at a time.  Loads of tiny of acts of kindness. 

They.  Make.  A.  Difference. 

WE can make a difference. 

We can, as this sweet kid artist told us on this sign, "Make the world a better plase."