The Giver Gets, Too

We often think that the receiver of an act of kindness gets the most out of it. 

But here is a little secret, shhhh.  Often, the giver of the act of kindness gets an equal (if not more) amount of wonderfulness out of the interaction.  Here is a hypothesis I would like you to consider:  in terms of joy and magic received, the act of GIVING kindness is equal to or greater than the act of RECEIVING kindness. 

Don’t believe me??  Try the theory out yourself.  It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture – just carry someone’s groceries for them.  Or tell a stranger how cool their necklace is. Or buy the person standing outside of McDonald’s asking for money a Big Mac.  Those simple acts of kindness will make you feel good – I guarantee it!  (And if they don’t, what the heck, I will give you your money back!!)

I was reminded of this concept this week when I saw a neighbor post about the neat trick-or-treat bags she just made for people.  You see, this neighbor experienced a traumatic loss a few months ago, and has been having a horrible time dealing with grief.  She spends her days working, and outside of that, crying.  She hasn’t been eating right.  She hasn’t been going out much.  She stopped doing the crafty things she always loved to do.  This woman has been drowning in a pool of grief.  Which is understandable - losing someone you love is horrible, and it takes a very long time to process.    

But then I saw her post in a local group that she wanted to make trick-or-treat bags for people…  I thought happily, “Ah, a hint of her old self!”.  Last night she sent me photos of the completed bags and they are adorable!  I know that the receivers will be so happy with them. 

And I also know that the maker, the GIVER of the act of kindness, felt a little bit better after giving them away.  Did that act of kindness make her grief disappear?  No, no.  The grief is still there and will be for a long time.  But did that act of kindness, the making of the bags, the reveal of how cute they are, the giving them away, did that bring a spark of shine to her life?  I bet my paycheck it did.  And maybe that experience of giving kindness will be like a little lifeline for her.  Maybe the next time she is feeling lonely and blue she will remember how giving kindness felt, and she will dig deep and do it again.  And little by little, perhaps kindness will help to build a little ladder that she can use to crawl out of the overwhelming sadness. 

Thanks for being a Kindness Activist, neighbor.  I have a Kind Is Cool shirt for you – may you wear it in good health.

 

Here’s an accounting update on how some Kindness Yard Sale funds have been used recently:

A neighbor was looking for headsets for her classroom.  She wrote: “I hate to ask but ….. headphones. We need them badly for our 3rd grade room. So many students cannot buy them, and I have a special student who is triggered by noise. He loses it every time we need to work on iPads and his seat mates don’t have headphones and need to have volume up to work on apps. This teacher is stressing!”.

These are the exact situations that Kindness Yard Sale money is perfect for!  A friend found a great deal on headsets and we ordered 12 for the classroom.  But I wasn’t the only one who heeded to call for help!  Other neighbors also pitched in!  This week the teacher who asked for the headphones shared a thank you: “Take a look, my dear community. This is you in action! This is kindness! This is consideration! This is thoughtfulness in action! When I asked for help with headphones I only asked for a few. I never thought I could ask for the class set I needed but nevertheless you came through. I was overwhelmed with your generosity over and above. From the Kindness fund to each and every neighbor who contributed or offered to help… I and my forty-five sweet 3rd graders want to send our deepest gratitude!”.

Isn’t that perfect??  And she has a great system for storing them, too.

Headsets for all!

I love helping out teachers.  They have such important jobs and are deserving of our respect (and a lot bigger paychecks than they receive).

 

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $139.80

 

Made another small purchase with Kindness Activist funds.  This one was for Depends, the adult size undergarments/diapers that some people need.  Someone wanted to see if they would be a good fit for their elderly mother, and there again, it seemed like a great use of the money raised at the yard sale.  So I ordered a pack and sent them directly to the household that needed them. 

Haven’t heard yet if they are a good solution for the situation, but I am thankful to have the Kindness money to help the family give them a try. 

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $12.88 (again proving that acts of kindness don’t need to be fancy or cost a lot, simple, small acts go a very long way) 

 

Who likes to have a tea party??  Everybody does, that’s who!!  Including a 3 year old neighbor boy.  Turns out, he has gotten into tea parties lately, so I hooked him up with a really cute tea set and some fancy schmancy cookies (macaroons) to go with it. 

Lucky for me, he came with his mom to pick it all up, so I got to try it out, too!!  Let me just tell you, tea tastes even BETTER when it is served in a fancy pot and fancy cups (even if the “tea” in question is water). 

Ahhh, a little tea on the front porch.  Delicious!

His mom later reported that he tried a bit of actual tea at home, too.  Little friend – may your tea parties always be fancy and may simple joys continue to delight you as your grow up. 

You go kid!  Even a fancy tablecloth!  Now THAT'S a tea party!

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $45.84

And finally for this report – spices.  A family from Bolivia moved to our community to start over.  They came with practically nothing, so a kind neighbor put out a call for needed items.  One thing on the list was SPICES, so I chose that. 

I have learned from traveling to other countries and hosting international guests at our home that each culture has their own spices that they like to use.  Not every country is the same in the kitchen!   I asked what spices would be good, got them together, and the woman came and picked it all up to give to the family.

I hope that the spices help them cook food that feels comfortable to them, is tasty, and reminds them of home as they begin their new lives in America.

Kindness Activist funds spent:  $113.02

 

 

 

 

$625 Million Dollars Worth Of Kindness??

Just a short accounting and story today, mixed in with a bit of my personal philosophy on kindness. 

A common belief about kindness that I disagree with is this:  kindness is meant to be shared only with people in need.

I’ve seen people get upset about people in Starbucks drive-thru s “paying it forward” and paying for the car behind them.  The argument goes like this, “The people obviously have enough money to buy their own iced vente latte, or they wouldn’t be in line at Starbucks!”.

 

Yes, they do have enough funds to cover their coffee order.  But I would ask this:  does that fact make them any less deserving of kindness?  Couldn’t we ALL benefit from a bit of kindness thrown our way?

 

I always keep that in mind when deciding on Kindness Activist acts.  I get contacted a lot about need based kindness – a woman with children getting out of an abusive relationship needing clothing, a family just arriving in America with nothing but a suitcase, a child whose parents cannot afford a birthday cake.  And we often used Kindness Activist funds to help in those situations.

 

But, I also like to remember to spread kindness not just where it is needed.  Not where it is an emergency.  But just in normal, everyday circumstances to people who do not ask for help, don’t “need” help, but still delight in being surprised by kindness.

 

And that is exactly what I am doing today!  I bought 9 Powerball tickets and am handing them out in Hollywood Beach, Florida.  I am here for work, but I have a couple of hours before I start.  The news this morning announced that the Powerball jackpot is now up to $625 million dollars!  So, why not hand some tickets out to unsuspecting strangers and wish them luck??

 

It’s harder than you think…  First – who to choose??? 

 

I saw the first person I wanted to treat as I walked into the store to buy the tickets:  an old man eating his lunch sitting on a stoop in a parking lot.  He had found a bit of shade, but it still really hot out and he was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and pants.  His skin was rough and leathery – it has seen a lot of Florida sunshine.  He may not have housing, I am not sure.  But as I came out of the store he was carefully throwing his garbage in a can – thanks mister!  So many people just throw it on the ground!  I approached, smiled, told him this gift was for him and that it may be worth $625 million, told him not to lose it, and wished him luck.  He didn’t say a word to me, just took the ticket.  As I walked away, I could hear him shuffling along the sidewalk slowly – shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.  I peeked back just in time to see him tuck the lottery ticket into his back pocket. 

 

Then I had to hunt down people to give the other 8 tickets to!

 

One went to a sweet couple sitting at an outdoor table eating lunch.  I think they were visiting from another country (and I bet as I walked away there was talk in another language of, “Wow, AMERICANS!  Why is that woman giving these away???” 😊 ).  One ticket went to a man doing the gardening in the hot sun in front of a small hotel.  One went to a man who jumped off a truck to empty a trash can.  One went to a man who gives towels out to pool visitors at a hotel.  One went to a woman cleaning the bathroom at a hotel.  One went to a man painting the side of a building in an alley (he was the only one to question me, “Why are you not keeping this for yourself???”.  I think he suspected a scam of some sort.)  One went to a lifeguard who had to whistle for someone to not swim so far out in the ocean.  And I can’t remember who I gave another one to!! 

 

Sometimes you read stories about people whose lives were ruined when they won a big sum of money.  Friends and family hounded them for cash.  They spent it all on drugs.  They went bankrupt 5 years after winning.  Etc, etc, etc.

 

I would like to think that if one of these people win, their lives would be made better and not ruined.  I would like to think that, if they win, they will fondly remember the quiet woman who walked up to them on a sunny day and handed them a winning ticket, no strings attached.  And that they, too, would spread some kindness to unsuspecting strangers.  Not just because people need it, but because we all deserve a treat. 

 

Now if you will excuse me – I have one more ticket to give away!  I need to find another lucky person!

 

P.S. – I also bought myself a Powerball ticket (with my own money, not Kindness Activist money of course).  Fingers crossed!!!

P.P.S. - maybe the examples in this story did not clearly show my belief that kindness shouldn't only be given to people in need.  Sorry!  I guess I have just been pondering that notion today.  

 

Kindness Activist funds used:  $18

The Kindness of Mothers

It is always an honor and a privilege to have Kindness Activist funds to share with the world.  But today may have been the most special and heartwarming use of the money to date.

Today, October 20^th, is what is known to my family as Mary Day.  October 20, 2002 is the day my mom, Mary, died of colon cancer.  So, to mark the occasion and to reflect on her, I always spend Mary Day doing things that Mom loved.  Usually that means getting my nails done, perhaps playing a slot machine at a casino, doing some laundry, eating dessert first, drinking a glass of wine, shopping, and dining on good food.

I was feeling sad this Mary Day.  It is the 20^th anniversary of her death, and as the years go by, the memories fade a bit and that is depressing.  I don’t want the memories to go away – I want to remember the feelings, the smells, the sights.  But time slowly erases some of them.

 

I have gotten better at not “blurting” about death to strangers on Mary Day.  The first few years, oh my, those poor salesclerks.  You see, I have experienced quite a bit of death, and I talk about it openly.  But that is not true of most Americans, so when I “blurt” about my mom dying, unsuspecting clerks usually turn white and quiet.  It’s awkward.  Today I only blurted to the woman who helped me at Sephora (my annual pilgrimage to the make-up store to get new lipstick (as mom always wanted me to wear) and perfume). 

 

After an afternoon of shopping, I treated myself to a nice meal at True Food, a restaurant in the Mosaic District in Northern Virginia.  I ordered a fancy salad and cozied into my seat – taking in the ambiance of the space and texting with my sister. 

 

I noticed two women sitting side by side at a table near me.  I don’t think we consciously think about it, but when dining out with 2, typically the diners sit across from one another.  Yet here were these women, side by side.  I tried not to stare, but I did watch.  And what I witnessed was beautiful.

 

It became clear that this was a mother and daughter.  And that the traditional roles of mother and daughter had been reversed.  The daughter, perhaps a bit older than me, softly and gently cared for her mother.  She spoke to her.  Touched her lovingly.  Held up a glass with a straw for the mom to take a drink.

 

I didn’t notice the mother speak, she may be non-verbal.  And by the look in her eyes and the care she required, it appeared that she has dementia.  Her daughter treated her like a queen, and I felt honored to witness their quiet love. 

 

I decided that paying for their meal would be a wonderful use of Kindness funds, so I went to find my waiter and ask if the women had paid their bill yet.  Sadly, they had, so I could not treat them.  But then I had another idea – a gift certificate.  I asked the waiter to please bring them over a $50 gift certificate and just explain that someone wanted to gift it to them.

 

By the time the certificate was ready, the women were standing as the daughter was carefully putting her mother’s coat on and preparing her to go out into the fall air.  The server, his back to me, tried to hand the daughter the gift card and explain, but the woman looked confused and I was not sure that she was going to accept the offering.

 

So, I walked over to the table and explained that the gift certificate was from me.  We spoke and I confirmed that they were, in fact, mother and daughter.  I explained that my own mom died 20 years ago today, and it had been a joy for me to witness their love for one another. 

 

The daughter smiled a beautiful smile.  She was surprised that a complete stranger not only noticed them, but was now presenting them with a gift.  And she reached over and gave me a hug.  That’s when my tears flowed.  I asked if they come to the restaurant often and she explained that yes, they live in the area and frequent True Food.  “Perfect.  Please use this gift certificate next time you stop in,” I said through tears. 

 

I smiled at the mother.  I told her how beautiful her daughter was.  The daughter told me that her name was Susanna and asked if I might be interested in getting together for a cup of tea sometime.  I took her phone number and look forward to sitting with her and her mother, Patricia, some time.

 

As I left, the young hostess (who must have heard about the gift certificate when the server rang it up) stopped me and said, “That was very sweet of you to do.  My mother died, too, 6 years ago.  Thank you for remembering your mom and reminding me of mine,”. 

 

Here’s to the daughters.  Those of us whose mothers have left us.  Those of us taking on the difficult task of caretaking.  Those of us whose mothers live nearby, and those who mom’s live across the world. 

 

May we be the women they raised us to be. 

 

And may we celebrate the women they were/are.

 

Kindness Activist funds used:  $50

My mom and I, Easter 1967

2022 Kindness Yard Sale TOTAL!!

There are fund raisers, and there are FUND RAISERS.

And the 2022 Kindness Yard Sale was a FUND RAISER!

And now that the chaos of the sale is (mostly) over, we took tonight to celebrate. We thanked many of the amazing people who have helped out with Kindness Activist projects – not only the yard sale, but many other things, too.  We held a thank you party at Acme, our local pie shop run by the very sweet Sol Schott.  The restaurant was closed so it was just US – eating pie, chatting, laughing, playing pinball, writing down ideas on how to spread kindness using the funds we just raised, and getting “gifts” of leftover items from the yard sale (anyone need a car cell phone charger from 1992???). 

We also had the big reveal – the announcement of how much was raised at the Kindness Yard Sale, including the online auction and the in-person auction.  So many people have been asking, “How much did we raise???”, and it seemed fitting to announce it at a gathering of so many people who rolled up their sleeves and made the work successful.

I am pleased and proud to announce that the 2022 Kindness Yard Sale (and auctions) raised a total of $27,871!!!!!  That is so, so much more than I could’ve ever imagined – we more than doubled the total from 2021!

The assistants help out with the BIG REVEAL!

That money will go such a very long way in spreading kindness!  I have many, many ideas swirling around in my head on how we can start kindness ripples, and I can’t wait to read the ideas people at the event wrote down tonight.  

A few more photos from the thank you party:

                                                     

Here is how we have already begun spreading kindness with this year’s funds:

We actually started using the 2022 funds before the sale was even over!!  A group of high school students in Wakefield t-shirts were looking around the sale.  They chose some items, and when they came up to purchase them, I asked, “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be out fund raising for your music program today??? (someone had told me that was their day to ask the community to donate)”.  OOPS – they got caught shopping!  But all was well – we rang the cowbell, turned on the gold microphone, people cheered, and Kindness Activist made a $25 donation to the Wakefield Music Program! 

Total spent:  $25 

Another related to the Kindness Yard Sale; my friend Whitney was volunteering in the in-person auction area at the sale.  One of the items up for auction was a tv that had been donated.  It was nice – had a large screen – but was not a “smart” tv.  Some people signed up to bid on it, including a man that Whitney told me was really nice.  She had talked to him and his family and she said they were super sweet and seemed very deserving of a television (they currently didn’t have one).  Well, he didn’t win the tv in the auction.  But that was a-ok, because we used Kindness Activist funds to get him a brand new smart tv!!  He was very surprised and thankful when he came over to pick it up.

 

A brand new smart TV!

Total spent:  $321.59

We were at Trader Joe’s at closing time recently and decided to treat someone in line to their groceries.  I bought a $50 gift card and then perused the line to pick a lucky person to give it to.  As I was wondering who to choose, a woman in line spoke to me about something I was purchasing.  She was chatty and nice, and that made it easy to know who to surprise with the gift card!!  It was also fun that the groceries she had in her cart looked like they would total right around $50.  She couldn’t believe what had happened to her!  As we left I saw her telling an employee about her good fortune 😊 .

A gift card for one lucky shopper!

Total spent:  $50

And finally for this report, FLOWERS.  A neighbor has been studying to be a nurse and it came time for her to take the big exam.  She was understandably nervous for the test and studied a lot the month before.  So, we used $80 of Kindness Activist funds to get her a huge bouquet of gorgeous flowers to wish her well. 

 

Total spent:  $80

I owe a huge, huge thank you to so many people.  Thank you to all of you who:

Donated items

Sorted items

Hung clothing

Organized storage units

Hauled from storage to sale

Got us a free storage unit

Put up a whole auction website

Made signs

Set up sale

Sold lemonade

Worked at sale

Shopped at sale

Tore down sale

Sorted empty hangers

Broke down boxes

Hauled trash

Fed us

Supported us – kept me from pulling all of my hair out

Took great photos

Donated food for the Little Yellow Free Pantry

Organized storage for the Little Yellow Free Pantry

Filled the pantry when we were out of town

Grew plants

Sold plants

Suggested ideas for kindness

Brought us wine

Supported me when internet bullies were being mean

Entertained with jokes and magic tricks

Sent encouraging messages

Wrapped tons of Christmas gifts

Cleaned our porches

Hauled things to Goodwill, Little Free Libraries, and other places

Interpreted

Made phone calls for me to people who I couldn’t communicate with

Did grocery runs for special requests that came into the pantry

Helped decide the value of items (thanks to Google)

Came to vigils

Danced on corners

Voted in the daily polls

Helped Kindness Activist get more media attention

Suggested great ideas

And I am sorry to anyone who worked long and hard volunteering but got missed on the invite list for the thank you party tonight.  The pie shop is small – we might need a bigger venue for the 2023 thank you event!