We Never Know

I had a reminder one recent afternoon that life is short.  And that people are experiencing things that we cannot see from the outside, and we should treat everyone with kindness and respect.

I was in the dining room and heard my partner David talking to someone on the front porch.  That is not unusual – we have people drop by often to bring items for the Little Yellow Free Pantry or to pick up something we are giving away or just to stop and chat.  I peeked outside to see who he was talking to, and saw it was a woman with a large bag at her feet.

I popped outside to join them.  The woman explained that she had some clothing to donate – men’s clothes, and some shoes.  Immediately I envisioned the current state of our attic – filled to the brim with donated clothing that was supposed to be sold at this summer’s Kindness Fundraiser Yard Sale, but the event was postponed until next spring due to rain.

“Ahhh…” I mumbled, thinking, “How do I explain that we are not accepting clothing donations right now without being rude?”. 

“Your husband explained that you aren’t taking donations right now.  That’s ok,” she said quietly.

I gave her the usual spiel about how the sale was cancelled this summer so we are way over-stocked.  She listened, then said, “I understand…  I spent all afternoon getting this together…”.

Those moments are hard.  What to say?

Then she quietly said, “My husband just died,” and the tears started to flow.

Ahhh – these were her husband’s clothes.  She had spent all afternoon sorting and folding and bagging his things.  If she is anything like me, she probably held the shirts close, sniffed them, remembered where she had seen him wear them…

The situation had changed. 

This woman was giving not only to help others, but to help herself heal. 

I asked permission to hug her and she gladly accepted.  David and I said that of course, we would love the clothing and boots.  She was uncomfortable with that – we had made it clear that we are not accepting things right now.  But given this circumstance – of COURSE we would accept the gifts.

We helped her unload her car and I asked questions about her husband.  I didn’t want to make her more sad or be nosy, but I figured if the tables were turned I would wish for opportunities to tell people about David.

He was only 70 years old.  Had a physical just a few days before he died.  They were on vacation – first one in a long time due to Covid.  She had just retired a couple of months earlier…  And he died very quickly.  Paramedics worked an hour to revive him, but he was gone.

We stood in the frigid air and talked a few minutes.  She is very much like me – no children, no family in the area.  And now alone.  In a house full of her love of 40 years possessions.

We don’t know what anyone is going through.  Be gentle with one another.  And celebrate every moment you have on earth.