I almost didn’t open the door.
Look, I am TIRED. I am getting over a cold (still coughing, ear
still congested). Work has been
hard.
I am tired.
So when I saw a car parked
right by the Little Yellow Free Pantry, I almost didn’t go outside.
I had already done the
hard part. I had gone out and assessed
what the pantry was missing (which was almost everything, I think there were 3
random canned goods and one box of mac and cheese). I had gone downstairs and collected things in
a basket. I had lugged the heavy basket
up the stairs.
But then I looked out.
I didn’t recognize the
car, but I just had a feeling…
“They are sitting there
waiting for me to go out and fill the pantry….” I thought. “And as soon as I fill it and go back inside,
they are going to get out of their car, take everything, then drive off.”
It was not a kind
thought. But I wasn’t in a kind mood.
Having people park outside
the pantry then “pounce” is something I have feared ever since the Little Free
Pantry at a nearby library closed. That was
what happened there – people would hang out in their cars and wait for a donor
to arrive to stock the pantry. Then they
would jump out and empty the shelves.
We have worked hard to not
have that culture at the LYFP. We have a
sign that reminds people to take only what they need and leave some for
others. We have conversations with
people explaining that many, many people use the pantry, so please be careful
to leave food for others. We also try to
model the concept of “enough to go around” by keeping the pantry stocked. If visitors can come to trust that there will
be more food the next time they need it, they are less likely to take too much.
And we have been really
successful! Our guests are by and large
very respectful of others and rarely take too much. I am proud of how respectful
the community is.
But still, for some
reason, I can’t seem to get rid of that nagging fear.
So today, I almost didn’t go
out.
Then I made a compromise
with myself. It’s silly, I know, but I am
being honest here. I told myself, “You
already lugged the heavy basket upstairs.
You don’t KNOW that car has anyone in it. And even if it does, it could be an Uber
driver or someone just reading their phone. You are being suspicious for no
reason. How about going outside and
peeking in the pantry, which will allow you to see if the car is empty or
not. You don’t even have to carry the
heavy basket! Just take a walk in the
sunshine and see if your fear is founded in reality or not.”
That was the deal I made
with myself.
So. I opened the front
door.
And a stranger was
standing right there on the porch, not even having had the time to knock or
ring the bell yet.
“Oh, hi!” I said, a bit startled. “Can I help you?”
A meek voice politely
said, “Umm, yes. I saw online, umm, is
this, may I, is this the place where I can get some food? I am staying in my car…”.
And just like that, my
defenses went down.
My heart was warmed.
My kindness returned.
And I was moved.
“Yes! Yes. This
is the place. There is a yellow box
right around the corner with food,” I said, gesturing to the LYFP. “Wait, actually, there is not much in it at
the moment… Usually there is. Ummm, tell you what. I will go down and get you some food. You can choose what you would like. Do you have anything in particular you want? Any allergies?” I asked.
“Oh. Anything really. Any food.
No allergies. But, ummm, I am in
my car…” they reminded me sheepishly.
“No worries! I get it.
Please wait here. I will bring up
some food that will work without cooking it.”
And off I went.
I ignored the heavy basket
I had already brought up and went down to make this new guest a basket of
specially curated items.
Shelf stable almond milk.
Soup that doesn’t need
water added.
Fruit.
Canned meat.
Granola bars.
A can opener.
Deodorant.
Toothpaste and toothbrush.
Pre-cooked pasta.
Pre-cooked seasoned rice.
Packets to make water
taste like flavors.
Some drinks.
Heat and eat meals
(Compleats).
Ramin in a cup (just add
hot water).
A cup of cereal.
Pop-Tarts.
Graham crackers.
Peanut butter mixed with
chocolate.
Garlic.
Apple sauce.
Mango cup.
Pepper.
And more.
I grabbed a large canvas
tote and climbed the stairs with the haul.
When I went back on the
porch I explained, “OK. These are your
choices! If you want something, you put
it in this bag. If not, it will be for
someone else.”
And I started pulling
items out.
At first, they were hesitant
to take much. They accepted one or two
things, then started saying no.
“Hey, this is all for you. It is your first time here! Usually, we won’t be able to give you this
much. But today – anything you want from
here is yours.”
“Oh, ummm, ok….” they said quietly, then started saying yes.
There was a no to
something, I forgot what, then the explanation, “I have diabetes”. Oh my –diabetes is a hard illness to navigate
under traditional circumstances. I can’t
imagine trying to keep blood sugar under control while living in a car.
I was more careful in what
I offered after that. “Here is
applesauce, but I am sure it has sugar…”.
“That’s ok, a little bit
is alright.”
Item by item, we moved
things from the basket to the bag. Some things
stayed behind for others – toothpaste and toothpaste they had, they didn’t want
to take too much soup (again, I think not wanting to be selfish).
I pulled out 2 Hormel
Compleats meals. I held them up and
started to explain, “Now this is a whole meal, all you have to do is…” and they
interrupted me with a big smile, “YES! I
KNOW THOSE. YES!”. Into the bag.
When we were finished,
they looked at their haul and said quietly, “This is enough food for a whole
month.”
They looked around our
porch which has quite a few things on it.
“Do you take books?” they asked quietly.
I replied with my usual line – “No, no we don’t take books. We only accept food and toiletries.”
I smiled.
“You are always welcome
back. Let me show you where the Pantry
is for next time.”
I took them around the
corner. “It usually has more food than
this. I need to fill it. Next time, you come here. If it is dark, when you open the door, the
lights will come on so you can see what we have.”
I told them my name and
asked theirs. We shook hands. I noticed the license plates were from another
state. They explained they had just
moved here, hoping to find work. They had
been looking for a year in their old state, and they thought maybe there were
more opportunities in the DC area.
They are looking to rent a
room. I wished I had resources to
recommend, but I didn’t.
“You don’t take books?”
they asked again, very sincerely.
And then I understood.
They didn’t want to just receive. They wanted to give. Giving allows you to keep your dignity. Giving shows your gratefulness.
It was not just a
book. It was a gift.
“Oh, do you have a book??”
I asked.
“Yes! Yes! A
very good book. I just finished it.”
“We would love it. In fact, I will read it right away,” I said.
“Oh. Well, it is in Spanish…” they explained.
“That’s great! I will give it to my friend! She knows Spanish and loves to read!”.
They smiled and retrieved the
book from the front seat. I accepted the
gift, happy to provide a way for them to retain dignity and be respected.
“Remind me your name?”
they asked.
We exchanged names again.
And before they left, I asked,
“May I give you a hug?”.
The look of caring on
their face. A gentle nod.
We hugged, the stranger
and I. Right there on the sidewalk. Cars passed.
I think a runner went by.
We hugged longer than “appropriate”
for strangers.
They held me tight.
I imagine it had been quite
a long time since they had any human contact, and they were craving it.
I felt their back
quiver. The quivers that sneak out when
you are holding in tears.
“I will see you next
time. I am glad I met you,” I said as I made
my exit.
And before I could turn
the corner, I heard a voice say quietly and sincerely, “Thank you, Susan. THANK YOU.”
No new friend – thank YOU.
Thank you for reminding me
why we do what we do here.
Thank you for melting the
cold shell I had put up today.
Thank you for the hug.
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