Children's Books Kindness

Sure, most of us enjoy reading a children’s book aloud to a child.  You get to do the funny voices, you have an appreciative audience, and the books are usually sweet and fun.  But most of us DO NOT commit to reading to children as much as the lovely Rick Wasserman does.  Here is his story:

Rick in the studio

Rick is an actor in Los Angeles.  He does a lot of voice-over work.  In fact, I would bet you have heard his voice, you just didn’t know who it was.  Take a listen:

Short promo - listen until the end - that is RICK!

Yup, Rick is a big deal.  (My words, not his.  But he IS a big deal!)  He is the 10 year “signature voice” of AMC Network. Remember the “Better Call Saul” commercials telling you about the next episode??  Or how about “The Walking Dead”??  Yup, those were Rick.  He also does voice-over work for many other networks, cartoons, animation, commercials, video games, documentaries, and movie trailers.  So see, a BIG DEAL.   J  (Note:  all you “Better Call Saul” junkies out there, do NOT spoil it for me!  We are in the middle of season one.)

And not only is he busy PROFESSIONALLY, he also has a beautiful wife and two adorable sons.  He loves magic and cooking.  I tell you this to explain:  Rick has a lot of stuff to do, he is a busy person!  It is not like he is just sitting by the swimming pool drinking margaritas…  And yet…

Rick and his awesome family

For the last four years Rick has volunteered his time to go to UCLA’s Mattel Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles and read books to patients.  Once a month.  For FOUR YEARS.  He started by working with a group of professional voice-over artists called PRIMETIME VOICES FOR CHILDREN, led by popular VO artist Joe Cipriano (who Rick calls a “fine human being”). Here is how Rick tells the story of his introduction to reading at the hospital: 

“The idea was that we’d make a recording of us voicing THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, each artist taking a couple of sentences. The sales of the recording would be gifted to the Child Life Center at UCLA's Mattel Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles.  As a special bonus, we were scheduled to perform the story, live, at the hospital for the children on an early December afternoon.  So I went along with the boisterous group a few days before the holidays and we performed and it was very well received.  During that first visit, I noticed that three of the five children I read to didn’t celebrate Christmas. A few didn’t speak English. Some didn’t want to be read to, rather, they just wanted some company. I felt compelled to come back and read to the children again, but with the stories I read to my own kids: short, fun, and provocative.  I asked the head nurse if I could come back by myself with this new plan. I was allowed to return the next month. And the next. Now I am going on my fourth year. I never miss a monthly visit.”

Voice-Over Artists entertaining at the hospital

Rick and team in action 

Isn’t that amazing?  Every single month he gives of his time, his voice, and his heart.  He usually goes alone, but every Christmas the PRIMETIME VOICES group visits and dresses up, reading all sorts of holiday and non-holiday books (and singing carols J ).  I would say that annual visit by those artists is a holiday mitzvah not to be missed!  What a way to give back to their community.  Heck, I am not a patient and he doesn’t sit and read books to me, but every once in a while I see a photo like this of his on Facebook and it makes me smile so big:

Great selection of books, eh?  It would be hard to choose which one I wanted to hear!

I asked Rick about the origins of his visits, which he had never done anything like before, and how the volunteering makes him feel.  He explained it so well: “After I’d been performing voice-overs for about a decade, a close friend asked me if that’s ALL I wanted to do. He said it seemed to him that while VO served me and my family, it didn’t really serve humanity. I am still not sure how I feel about that remark, but it did start me thinking: how can I serve humanity besides throwing money at charities.  The first time I read for the children, I was focused on performing and doing a good job; I probably did that on purpose so I didn’t have to feel all the emotions one might feel surrounded by what the nurses have called “catastrophically ill” patients and their worried and exhausted families. The next time I read to them, I forced myself to connect and open up. It was a very hard visit. I felt like crying and leaving. Each time I visit, I challenge myself to stay open, to stay available…and play. Just play. I try and “read” each room I visit and let the patient dictate how they want to interact. Sometimes I read a story or two. Sometimes we just talk or play a game.  I am pretty good with magic and mentalism, so we often enjoy some fun tricks as well. For better or for worse, I see a lot of the same children during my visits and we both look forward to meeting up again. Many children have passed; I won’t ever get used to that and I don’t want to. I love them.”

Oh I can imagine how excited those “repeat customers” are when they see Rick walk into their room!!  I bet their eyes light up and they are thrilled to have a REAL VISITOR, not someone who is going to take blood or make them do physical therapy.  Sure, those medical treatments are very, very important, but so is feeling like a kid and hearing a story, or watching a magic trick!  I would bet money that those kids are healthier AFTER Rick’s visit than they were before he walked in. 

A thank you card from a kid - super sweet.

I asked Rick how he thinks the kids and their families feel when he visits here is how he described it: “I think the kids get a kick out of my visits. For some, it’s a distraction from their illness and monotony of their daily lives, often being confined to a bed. Many patients equate an adult stranger with someone who is going to poke at their stitches, give them shots, or bring them bad news; so I think I help demonstrate that some adults wanna just have a good time with them…with no pain, anxiety, or fear. Some don’t have family with them, so I can provide them with the comfort of a familiar face. I think they mostly see me as a big kid, a playmate. Parents and siblings are grateful for my visits too. I regularly read to the kids who are unconscious which their families find comforting.”

Click here to hear some of Rick reading "The Frog and the Ox" - it is lovely!

My partner David is a clown with the Big Apple Circus Clown Care Unit at Children’s National Medical Center in Washington DC.  It is a fantastic program that sends clowns into Children’s Hospitals across the country.  I am a firm believer that programs like Clown Doctors, reading to kids, music in hospitals, etc. help the patients and their families.  Heck, I even think it helps the STAFF by giving them a bit of a distraction and something fun to focus on for a moment.  And I am certain that the families of those unconscious patients that Rick reads to are so grateful to have him pay attention to their child, to treat them as normal. 

How could the sight of this sweet man in your hospital room with this book NOT make you feel better??

Rick told me he can’t see himself not reading to the kids.  To him, it is not difficult and is something he loves.  He explained, “If it provides the kids just a few moments when they are not thinking about being sick in a hospital, then it is well worth it. I like me better when I am with the children. I encourage others to read to children. Kids need the interaction. A TV or phone or tablet is NOT the same. I also never call the kids “soldiers” or “angels” or “special” and I don’t tell them how brave they are: they are tired of hearing that stuff. They just wanna be treated like other kids. That’s how I try and make them feel.” 

To close this out, I must use Rick’s words, for they are much more poignant than anything I could write about his experience, “It is not emotionally easy…but it shouldn’t be. I used to avoid sad music, movies, stories and the like because I don’t like feeling sad. But I have realized it is part of the emotional spectrum. I NEED to feel sad sometimes. Some things are sad.  And as a bonus, feeling the sad makes feeling the happy that much sweeter. When a patient’s health improves, my heart swells. I once visited a child I’d read to many,many times.  When I finished reading a story, her mother nudged her and asked her to tell me her news. She smiled with a big cheeky grin and said, “I got my new heart.” I was honored to be there for that moment.”

Rick, it is an honor to dub you a Kindness Activist.  Thank you for reminding us that we need to experience all stops along the emotional spectrum.  Thank you for using your talent, your voice, and your heart to bring joy and kindness to the children and their families.  You said that the head of PRIMETIME VOICES FOR CHILDREN was a “fine human being”, and I would have to say, sir, that that label definitely applies to YOU as well. 

Are you inspired by Rick's kindness?  Hopefully hearing about his big heart (and big voice) give you ideas about going into YOUR community and BEING KIND!  Make sure to "like" Kindness Activist on Facebook or follow us on Twitter (@KindActivist) so you can be inspired by more Kindness Activists!

Resources:

PRIMETIME VOICES FOR CHILDREN reading “The Night Before Christmas”:  click here

Rick Wasserman website for Bookable VO (study with the best!):  click here

Rick Wasserman on Wikipedia (ok, I fan girled out a bit while writing this one…):  click here

Rick on IMDB:  click here 

Big Apple Circus Clown Care:  click here

Compliment Kindness

Everyone likes to get a compliment.  Giving compliments is kind!  And sure, sometimes it is a little bit embarrassing for some reason when people compliment us.  And we might not be all that great at accepting compliments…  Many of us “cancel” the compliment as soon as it comes our way: 

     Friend: “Wow, you did such a great job on that ski run!!  You looked like a pro!”

     Us:  “Awwww, ummm, well, not really…  I mean, did you see how I almost fell there making that turn??  It        was pretty sloppy really….”.

I think human beings NEED compliments.  And because that is my belief, I try to GIVE them.  And I do not mean fakey, “blow smoke up you’re a**” compliments. I am talking about honest to goodness sincere COMPLIMENTS.  And maybe it is because of some articles I read about the way we tend to talk to girls (complimenting them only on their beauty, not their skill or knowledge) that I try to notice and compliment people on things other than how they look.

So I decided to do a little experiment.  I made a sheet of tear-off strips entitled FREE COMPLIMENTS.  I hung it up on a telephone pole outside our house.  I wondered if people would take time to pause, read the compliments, and take one.

  

I was a bit excited to see if these compliments would inspire kindness...

Guess what?  THEY DID!  So I made a second sheet and hung it on another telephone pole.  The sheets have been hanging around 40 hours and already 10 compliments are gone!  I love it!!!  I think these random, “secret”, happened-upon compliments are a wonderful way to share kindness! 

I thought carefully about what to write on the tear-off slips.  I wanted them to be compliments that people would actually like to receive.  Things that would make them proud, happy, and content.  I didn’t want to focus on superficial things, but I did throw in a few about how people looked (for good measure).  I was excited to see which slip would get taken first.  I really thought, “No, those pants do NOT make your butt look big” would be the first to go.  It was funny and might make someone laugh.  But I was pleased that “You are a great cook” went first instead!  I bet whoever took it really IS a great cook and doesn’t hear that enough from the people she/he cooks for. "You are wicked smart" was also taken early :) . 

Compliments, free of charge of course!!  Take one!  :)

I am would like to attach the documents I made here, but Blogger does not have a way to attach a file...  Please email me at  kindnessactivist@gmail.com and I will gladly send you the files needed to make it easy for you.  You can use my template - why reinvent the wheel?  Then I ask that you SHARE THE COMPLIMENTS.  Find good spots to hang them!  Mine are on telephone poles in our neighborhood, which has a lot of people taking walks.  You might choose to hang it on a grocery store bulletin board.  Or at your place of worship.  Any place could be a good place to give a compliment! 

Color me SO HAPPY.  This trio stopped and studied the compliments for a long time!!  They had a hard time choosing, so each girl took 2 I think!  One of them took one that said, "Your kids are sure lucky to have YOU as a mom".  I can't wait for them to get home and hand it to their mother!!

I like to think that whoever took the slips from my signs has squirreled them away in their wallet, to be discovered again another day.  I hope that they took the compliments to heart.  I think maybe because they were given anonymously and not in person, they might be more genuinely accepted and not negated by the receiver.

I like that people are accepting the compliments - it makes me very happy

Help me spread some compliments!!!  Email me for the files and start giving out free compliments! And please comment on this piece if you do, and let me know where you posted yours and if people took them!  Because really, everyone could use a compliment, don’t you think?

It worked!  People accepted the compliments!

P.S. – By the way, “No, those pants do NOT make your butt look big” has not been taken yet.  I think people want the GENUINE compliments, ones they wish their friends and family would really say, and not just the silly ones.  

Toy Sharing Kindness

Shelter Room (Apartment) Makeover!

Last weekend I volunteered for a project with “My Girlfriend’s House”.  They were doing one day makeovers in all of the apartment units in a shelter in Washington DC.  When I heard about it I wanted to be involved so that I could see all of that KINDNESS go down!  But the ironic part was, the kindest bit of all didn’t really have anything to do with the painting, cleaning, and hauling in and out furniture.

The kindest bit was Lauren.  She is “five and a half” (the half is important when you are her age!) and showed up with her mom Melissa in the afternoon.  When she came I was frantically working to put the children’s bedroom back together.  Another team had painted it a beautiful purple.  I had worked with a teammate to put together some donated bunk beds.  But we still needed to get a LOT done before our afternoon deadline when the family would come home for the big reveal!!  So when little Lauren showed up, I put her to work!

Lauren sweeping up the room!

I tossed her a pillow and a pretty sham and asked if she could get that pillow ready.  Well she sat her tiny self down and did it.  So I gave her another one…  She and I became teammates, knockin’ things out and gettin’ that kids’ room READY! 

We took a big pile of donated shoes and paired them up to display in an under-bed roller cart.  We helped fold donated clothes and put them in a dresser.  We cleaned. And we did what I know was Lauren’s favorite part – put wall stickers up!  Oh we had flowers and hearts and swirls – it was a little girl’s dream.

These walls could use some PRETTY STICKERS!!

And then it was time for the TOYS…  There were lots of toys that people had donated for the 3 little girls who live in the apartment.  There were books, crayons, bracelets, etc.  But I didn’t realize until we were unpacking them and finding fun places to display them that Lauren herself had donated some of the toys!!  Yes siree, she was kind enough to give those girls she had never met some of HER toys!  And it was all going really well, she was admiring the toys as we unpacked them but not upset about giving them away, until we came to a pretty puzzle that must have been a favorite…  But she was a trooper, one quick little talk with Mom and she was ok giving them her prized puzzle!  J

But it was that quick little breakdown that touched me.  Seeing her eyes fill with concern and sadness – sure, she had agreed to share her toys, but did she have to share THAT ONE???  That’s what made me realize what a sacrifice it was for her, and how amazingly kind it was.  I mean, lots of kids probably go through their toy boxes and pick a few things out to donate to the Salvation Army (knowing that they don’t play with them anymore and that new toys are sure to replace them soon…).  But Lauren was going a step further – she had chosen what to give, then was smack dab in the middle of the actual GIVING!  She was organizing her own toys in some other girls’ room for THEM to play with!  And THAT, my friends, that is kind!!

What a kind little kid

I didn’t have time to talk about her generosity while we were there (we were busy finishing the room!) but have since talked with her and her mom to learn a bit more about the whole thing.  Here is what they told me:

Melissa said that they teach Lauren to always be kind, no matter what, and always treat everyone the same. The family donates a lot to charities and volunteers whenever they can.  Melissa told me, “Last year, Lauren saw a piece of mail from UNICEF or something like that with a picture of a malnourished child on the envelope. She said she wanted to help sick kids. So she did a lemonade stand to raise money for a charity. She raised $44 for a foundation called Stillbrave who helps families with children with cancer.”   Isn’t that awesome??  She saw a photo and TOOK ACTION and helped out the best way she could!  I asked Lauren about the lemonade stand and why she did it.  She told me it was for “sick kids” J and that she is going to have ANOTHER lemonade stand!  She stressed that there will also be cookies.  J  And as we talked she came up with an awesome new idea to raise money for sick kids – a HOT CHOCOLATE STAND in cold weather!!  You go, girl!!

Melissa said that she explained to Lauren about the shelter makeover by saying that their friend, Miss Becky, knew a family that needs help - a nice home and some new things/toys. It was, “A little follow by example I guess J” Melissa told me. 

We were almost done with the room here!

I asked Lauren how she felt giving the toys to the other girls and she said, “”Happy”.  She is a girl of few words, that Lauren.  Her mom said it was not too hard to convince her to donate toys, “I told her that she has many toys, and there are some that she doesn't play with that would be nice to give some to a child that doesn't have many nice toys.”  Lauren said some of the toys she gave were things she got as a baby.  I asked her which toys she thought the girls would like best and she didn’t hesitate, “THE DOLLS!”.  She had given them these super pretty magnetic doll sets.  I could tell by the way she handled them as we were looking for a new home for them that she really treasured those. 

Lauren and her mom were still there for the big reveal, and Lauren got to meet the mom who lives in the apartment and ask her about the kids.  Melissa thinks that Lauren actually SEEING where her donations will be used helped, and I agree.  The whole experience was more “real” I bet because she unpacked those toys and got them ready for the kids. 

Way to raise a Kindness Activist, Melissa.  It was an honor to pair up and put away tiny shoes with your daughter. 

Do you know a kind kid or adult??  Please tell me about them!  The world needs more kindness, and by talking about kind actions, we can inspire others!!  Email me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter - @kindactivist

·         For more information about Stillbrave, the organization that Lauren supported with her lemonade stand money, see this website Stillbrave (And hey, now that I look at that website, I see it is someone I recognize, Tattoo Tom!!  He worked with Gabriella Miller, whose family started Smashing Walnuts!)

·         For more information about My Girlfriend’s House, the organization that ran the shelter apartment makeovers, see this website My Girlfriend's House

Food Bank Kindness

This is Tatyana

“I am certain that if we all find a place to serve, we can change someone's life and make a difference in this world together.”  This amazing sentiment was said by Tatyana Metzenseva, a beautiful woman with an even more beautiful heart. 

And Tatyana has found her place to serve – both figuratively and literally.  Almost every Sunday she volunteers for two shifts at the Potter’s House of Denver, a free food bank that operates under the “Food Bank of the Rockies” umbrella.   And many of the 800 – 1,000 people she helps there have an instant connection to her, because, you see, Tatyana understands not only their LANGUAGE, but their EXPERIENCE.  Some of them recently arrived in Colorado from Ukraine, which they left to flee the war, and do not speak any English.

Well, Tatyana’s family immigrated to the USA from Ukraine in 1996 when she was 9 years old.  At that time she, like so many people she serves at the food bank now, spoke only Russian.  American schools not only taught her English, but because she, like her parents, is hard of hearing they also taught her American Sign Language.  This makes her a perfect fit for helping not only the Russian speaking people needing food each Sunday, but also the Deaf and hard of hearing people!  As she told me, “I decided to volunteer at the Food Bank because I was informed that there are many Russian individuals attending there who don't speak English. Right then, I knew I wanted to get involved and help out. I know what it's like to have language barrier, and if I could help, I would.” 

Tatyana working at the sign in desk

Tatyana explained that she volunteers as a Team Lead at the sign in desk, where she has loyal Russian, Deaf, and hard of hearing customers, along with a diverse group of people from other cultural and ethnic backgrounds, like Middle Eastern and African.  She, along with a team of around 5 other volunteers, helps them choose from a menu of food that is available that week.  The menu contains things such as:  non-perishable items like rice and pasta, a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, canned fruit and vegetables, cereals and other breakfast things, peanut butter, jelly, etc.   The thing that I found fabulous was that the customers have 3 options of meat every week (such as chicken, pork chops, ground beef, or fish) of which they are allowed to receive 2.  Customers work with someone at the sign in desk to choose from the menu, and other volunteers in a warehouse bag the items.   When people pick up their bags at the warehouse, they also have other things they can help themselves to like salad greens, fresh fruits and vegetables, bread, pastries, etc., which vary depending on what is available. 

First off, I LOVE the fact that these people are getting healthy, hearty food to eat.  And secondly, they are getting service with Tatyana’s amazing SMILE!  I can see why the Russian speakers love coming to talk with her!  In fact, I would imagine that a lot of them would want to just sit down, drink a cup of tea, and CHAT!  I think it is interesting that some of the older Russian people she helps do not understand the concept of “volunteering” and Tatyana has to explain to them what it means to GIVE of your time like she and the other people at the food bank do.  “I often have to explain that people take time out of their life to serve others not for the money, but out of the goodness of their hearts,” she said. 

Photo from a successful "Feed the Children" campaign at the Food Bank

One word Tatyana uses to describe her volunteering at the food bank is REWARDING.  She said, “I believe that we are in this life to serve one another. To me, if we are not serving others, then we are not fulfilling our purpose in this life.”  And the word she used to describe how the customers at the Food Bank react is GRATEFUL.   She explained it so well, “The way their faces light up when they first find out you speak their language. The communication barrier ceases to exist and they can communicate freely to tell us how we can serve them. There are people that cry tears of happiness because of how grateful they are.”

Tatyana and her cousin with the Potter's House Food Bank van

Tatyana, you are TRULY a Kindness Activist.  You give of your time, your energy, and your heart.  I know that you help to make these peoples’ lives much happier not only by ensuring they have food to eat, but a person they can talk with who understands.  When I told Tatyana how lucky and blessed those people were to have her there to support them, she summed everything up with: “I am blessed to be a blessing.”

Please visit this website to learn more about The Potter’s House of Denver Food Bank - The Potter's House of Denver Food Bank   

You can find them on Facebook here Potters House Denver on Facebook and on Twitter @TPHDenver

And if you, like me, are inspired by Tatyana and her giving heart, please look around your own community and see where YOU can pitch in.  There are opportunities to be kind all around you – just take a peek and jump in!  

Pesto Kindness

It was October 2009 and autumn was definitely here.  Most of our vegetable garden was done and gone (or dead) but the basil remained.  We had planted a large basil crop in the hopes of making homemade PESTO.  We had basil.  We had olive oil.  We had pine nuts, garlic, salt, and pepper…  But we lacked one thing:  a food processor.  Yeah, sort of the most important part was missing…  And we didn’t really have the funds to invest in one, nor the STORAGE SPACE to pack it away once we were done using it. 

Farmer Dave at the beginning of a season (photo obviously not taken in October)
Preparing the garden

Look!  REAL veggies from our very own GARDEN!

So I got creative and sent this email out to our neighborhood listserve:

“Help! Autumn is obviously here and we need to harvest the basil and turn it into PESTO. Does anyone have a food processor we could borrow? We promise to return it clean and in the same condition we borrowed it and if we can borrow it today we could return it tonight. Anyone - please?   Susan”

It didn’t take long before Elaine, a neighbor I had never met, replied.  She said:

"Hi!  Just got home and found  your message.  If you haven't already found a food processor, you can borrow ours.  Give us a call at ....   Elaine."

This is HER, Elaine, the really kind neighbor!!

A COMPLETE STRANGER WAS WILLING TO LET US BORROW HER KITCHEN EQUIPMENT!!  No strings attached and no qualms about it!  We called and rushed over to pick it up.

Preparing the basil takes quite a while!

Right - LET'S MAKE PESTO!!

This is a small part of the annual basil crop.  Basil grows well at our house!!

Well, that was 7 pesto making seasons ago.  We have contacted Elaine once a year ever since and borrowed that same hard working food processor.  Each year we have “repaid” her with a sealed bag of very fresh pesto.   I still probably wouldn’t recognize her if we crossed paths in the grocery store.  But each fall, when we see the basil in the garden getting out of control, I think, “It’s time to email Elaine!!”.  And every year she is as nice as the previous. 

HOMEADE PESTO IS DELICIOUS!  We seal it in these freezer bags and eat it year round!

Thank you for being so kind Elaine.  Not everyone would be willing to share with a stranger.  Honestly, probably 50 people read that email and YOU replied.  You trusted us and were willing to be kind and SHARE.  It is people like you that make the neighborhood (and the world!) a fun place to be.  We appreciate your thoughtfulness. 

As you can clearly see, we get EXCITED about pesto!  

Bon appetite!

Has a neighbor been kind to you??  Tell me about it!!  I would love to make them a KINDNESS ACTIVIST!  Email me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com

Psst, and PLANT A GARDEN if you can!  It is super fun.

 

Equality Kindness

Sometimes opportunities to be a kindness activist just show up at the doorstep.  Some people notice them, others don’t.  Ashlee did.  But would you know what to do, could YOU be as amazing an ally as Ashlee is, if you were to make a friend that needed someone in their corner to fight for them??  I think we could all take a KINDNESS LESSON from Ashlee.

This is Ashlee.  She teaches first grade in Omaha, Nebraska.

Ashlee, a Kindness Activist Extraordinaire

She has always been an advocate for LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning/Queer) equality.  Heck, she has taken her children to march with her in the Pride Parade since they were tots!

Ashlee's kids ready for the Pride Parade when they were little

Ash and her son at last summer's Pride Parade, our theme was mermaids :)

And this is Kyawpah (sounds like Jaw Paw).  She is from a people called Karen, from Myanmar (formerly known as Burma)*. 

Kyawpah, all dressed up for a birthday party

8 year old Kyawpah came to America in 2015 and was lucky enough to end up in Ms. Ashlee’s first grade class in Omaha, Nebraska.  She was a quiet student, probably because she didn’t know English.  And she was often an unhappy student.   Her name on the school roster was not Kyawpah (the name she told them was hers) – there was confusion on the first day of school because they could not find her on the official list.  Then it turned out that there was a MALE name for her on the roster, but she calls herself the female name Kyawpah, because the “pah” part means “flower” in her native language. 

Kyawpah came with her family to the USA from a refugee camp.  She would come to school dressed as a boy, but would tell everyone that she was a girl.  She would sit very quietly in class because she knew NO English.

Ashlee worked through a translator to talk with Kyawpah’s parents.  They explained that ever since she was 2 years old, she had been dressing as a girl at the refugee camp.   They had tried to stop her from dressing that way, but couldn’t.  She would sneak out, steal clothes from other girls, and dress how she wanted to.  Her parents requested that the school “fix Kyawpah in the American way” so that she would stop being a girl.  Ashlee, though the translator, told them that they have a beautiful child, and that she is strong willed, determined and persistent.

Kyawpah would often come to school dressed as a boy (as her parents requested) but then peel off layers to reveal secret girl clothes underneath.  When Ashlee would see her in girl clothing she would make sure to compliment her on how beautiful she looked.  Kyawpah knew NO English, couldn’t speak one word, but she knew which bathroom pass was for the girl’s bathroom and she used it often J.  It almost seems to me like that was one way she tried to explain to those around her what she must have been trying to scream – “I AM A GIRL, I can’t tell you in your language, but please help me, I need someone to  support me.  I am a girl!”  The school thought it would be best if she used the bathroom in the nurses office, but Ms. Ashlee would have none of that and fought for little Kyawpah to be able to use the restroom she most identifies with, the girl’s, and won.

Ashlee quickly recognized that if Kyawpah was allowed to identify as a girl she was a MUCH HAPPIER student.  She would hold her head up, interact with other kids, assimilate into the American culture more, and learn.  She has a little nervous tic that comes out when she is forced to dress as a boy, and she was uncomfortable so would just keep her head down.  Ashlee went back to Kyawpah’s home with the translator and explained that to her parents that their child was HAPPIER and functioned better when she was allowed to be who she is.  This time the parents understood and said that their goal is to have a happy child, so they said that they support the school and Kyawpah and no longer force her to dress as a boy.

As Ashlee puts it, “I looked at her like any other child.  She just truly wanted to be HAPPY.  I need to make a successful environment for ALL children, no matter their gender or sexuality, that doesn’t have anything to do with it.  They are HUMAN BEINGS and I need to provide a safe learning environment for them.  That’s what I did for her, just like I would do for any of my students.”

Ashlee and Kyawpah, who is rocking a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt :)

She now comes to school dressed as who she is, and is not forced to hide her girl clothes under layers to peel off.  She loves painted fingernails, make-up, high heels, and skirts.  She uses the female restroom, loves to hang out with her classmates, and is learning some English. 

From what I have seen, Ms. Ashlee is her best friend at school.  Ashlee has done soooo much for her!  The most obvious, of course, is being her advocate with the school system and the parents.  But Ashlee has gone above and beyond to make Kyawpah feel welcomed and happy.  With the parents’ permission, Ash has taken her shopping for clothes, which she loves!!  I got to meet Kyawpah when she was invited to Ashlee’s kids’ birthday party.  Ash had gotten matching outfits for her daughter Tallis and Kyawpah – it was so sweet.  And Tallis let her friend play with the brand new Barbie make-up doll that she got as a birthday present.  You should have seen Kyawpah’s eyes light up when she brushed that Barbie’s long hair.  J

Kyawpah had to move out of Ashlee’s classroom into a second grade class because of her age, but all of the students in Ashlee’s class love and embrace her.  They don’t understand the concept of transgender, but know and accept their friend as a girl.  They have asked Ashlee if she is a boy or a girl, and Ashlee’s response is that they should ask HER directly, but what she feels in her heart is what she is.

Ashlee in her classroom.  She is an amazing teacher.

Ashlee goes and picks Kyawpah up from her house sometimes and keeps her for a few hours, shopping and playing.  Her parents do not know any English yet but are happy that their child has a friend.  They stand in the window, smiling and waving at Ashlee when she comes over.   And Kyawpah is learning more and more English – she can say her A B Cs and, like most little girls her age, loves to sing “Let It Go”  from “Frozen” (which I imagine she has watched a million times…). 

Ashlee recently spoke at a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)* meeting in Omaha to tell Kyawpah’s story.  It was very well received and I am sure inspired and helped the people who were fortunate to hear it.  I wish that there were PFLAG meetings in the Karen language so that Kyawpah’s parents could meet others who have transgender children and understand that they are not alone.    

I worry about what will happen to Kyawpah when Ashlee isn’t there to be her advocate.  Other schools and teachers may not be as accepting or kind.  My wish is that her parents, who see what a difference this acceptance has made in their child’s life, will fight for her rights.  Ashlee explained, “The hard part is, wherever she goes, on paper, she is a male.  Right now everything is hunky dory, she is fine and happy.  But at some point she will go through puberty…  And when she goes to another school, if they identify her as male, kids might harass her…”.  I hope that the children and adults she meets as she grows up will be open minded and accepting.

“The whole thing was, the school administration wanted us to treat her like a male.  The parents wanted us to treat her like a male.  But she wasn’t going to allow it – bottom line.  She wasn’t allowing anyone to treat her like a male, or call her a male.  Or keep her out of the girl’s bathroom. It wasn’t happening.  So without her strong feelings of knowing in her heart and mind that that is what she was, and being new to an American school and culture, it could have been such a devastating experience for her when she got here if it didn’t go the way it did.  But the kind of sickening thing about it is – people were more concerned about what OTHER PARENTS would say over the child’s well being.  That was disheartening…  Because HER HEART and well being is just as important as somebody else’s.  People said, ‘What if parents call and say that there is a boy in the girl’s bathroom??’…   But the thing, many of us have BEEN in the bathroom when there was a transgender person in there.  A transgendered person doesn’t have a SIGN on them that says ‘I am transgender and I am here to go in the opposite sex bathroom’.  They are doing what is right for them.  It is sad that our world still has so much work to do… ”

Ashlee’s advocacy with school officials and Kyawpah’s parents made a huge difference in that little girl’s life.  She is now happy and able to focus and learn.  Her identity is accepted without question and she can be who she is.  She tried to tell the world since she was 2 years old that she was a girl, and when she happened into Ms. Ashlee’s class someone finally heard.

When I told Ash that Kyawpah was lucky to have found her, she choked up and said, “She is not the lucky one, I am lucky to have found HER.”.  I say, they are both lucky and are a perfect match.  Thank you for being such an advocate for equality, Ashlee.  You are most definitely a KINDNESS ACTIVIST.  Your supportive and kind actions with Kyawpah have made a huge difference in not only HER LIFE, but also her parents’ lives and the other students who see your open heart and mind.

For more information about the amazing group PFLAG, see: PFLAG
For more information about caring for LGBTQ youth, see HRC’s helpful site:  HRC link
For more information on the Karen people from Myanmar, see Karen/Myanmar link

Bonus photo for anyone who read allllll the way down here to the bottom!
Here is our whole family at the Pride Parade in Omaha, Nebraska - summer 2015.
 Love is definitely greater than hate.  

DO YOU KNOW A KINDNESS ACTIVIST??  Please tell me about them!  Email me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com.  And click "like" on the Kindness Activist Facebook page, please.  

Clean House Kindness

In November 2011, Felicia was newly separated from her husband.  She had three young kids, a stressful job, and was just starting to learn to navigate “solo” in the world (insert deep breath).  But she also had some super supportive friends who were bound and determined to make this transition easier for her.  Here is what she told me:

Felicia and kids in Disney - she thought THIS was the big event.  Little did she know what was waiting for her back home...

“Despite the challenging times, I had planned a Disney trip for my three kids and me. It was my first big adventure as a single parent. We spent a wonderful week in Florida, during my birthday week  (WINNING!!) and returned home to a most wonderful surprise.  A group of 10-15 of my close friends had gotten together and coordinated a mammoth effort to clean my home and give it a bit of a makeover. They greeted us as we pulled into the driveway.  I had no idea what was in store - I just thought they were welcoming us home with balloons and flowers. But then they proceeded to walk me through the house and show me all of their hard work. It looked like a model home, staged for the real estate market! Every room had been cleaned and re-organized and all of the clutter was gone. And the best part was – there were love notes left in various cabinets and drawers throughout the house, to remind me how loved I was.”

SURPRISE!!  Welcome home to your clean, love filled house!!

Isn’t that an amazing and kind surprise???  Her friends are awesome!!  They were people from all areas of her life - her family (Mom, sister and sister-in-law), sign language interpreter friends new and old, close girlfriends who had been supporting her through the separation, even some friends she had known since elementary school.  They all got together to make her life not only cleaner, but less stressful and more full of love.

When I asked her how the big surprise made her feel, she said, “I was speechless...awed...humbled.  I felt like I had just won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!  It was like they were standing at my door with a big check for me. I was surrounded in so much warmth, love and support. It was truly the most amazing kindness I had ever experienced.”

Facebook status after the big CLEAN HOUSE reveal :)

I asked Felicia to consider how her friends must have felt after surprising her.  She explained it so well, “When someone is going through a difficult time in life - divorce, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, etc, people often don't know what to do or how to help.  I was at one of the lowest of the low times in my life, and while I knew I had an amazing support system in place, people didn't know what to DO for me.  This was how they could help - they sacrificed their time (and their hands and knees) to scrub my house from top to bottom and make it a warm welcoming place for my kids and I to return to. They wanted to help and they sure did. They showed their love and support. I can only imagine how such a selfless act affected each and every one of them.”

The main premise of this Kindness Activist project is that when we hear about kind things that others do or receive, we are in turned inspired to be kind.  So I wondered if RECEIVING this amazing, generous kindness made Felicia want to “pay it forward” and be kind to someone else.  I was not surprised when she said, “ABSOLUTELY!  Most definitely!”

She says, “While I have always had a giving spirit, I was in a tough spot and really couldn't even take care myself.  But this act of love reminded me that I was going to be ok and that I was strong. It revived me.   There hasn't been another experience in my life that parallels this act of love and kindness in terms of the power it had to lift my spirits and make me feel loved. I am still humbled by the kindness they each contributed to.  And I know today as much as I did then, that I am a lucky girl and that I have some AMAZING people in my life!”

This photo of Felicia and kids captures it perfectly - L O V E.

Well Felicia, I agree with you.  That was an awesome gift of kindness that your friends and family gave you.  Thanks for being willing to share it with us and inspire OTHERS to be kind. 

If YOU have given or received kindness, please tell me about it!  I would love to be inspired by your story.  Email me at kindnessactivist@gmail.com .  And “like” Kindness Activist on Facebook!